Articles by Gloria Arenson on ArticleSnatch.com

The Genie In Your Brain

Thu, 05 Nov 2009 16:35:15 -0500

In the story of Aladdin and his wonderful lamp you may remember that when Aladdin found the magic lamp and rubbed it a Genie came out. The Genie said, "You are the master of the lamp and I must obey." When Aladdin made a wish, the Genie didn't say, "That is a lousy wish. I won't grant it." Genies may be big and powerful, but they must go along with whatever wish is chosen. Your subconscious mind is like that Genie. It is your trusted servant. The subconscious is like a giant file where most of your history is stored. Once you have placed a belief or command in the subconscious it must comply even if you have forgotten what you ordered. Neuroscience has proved that this is really the case. Your brain is divided into three parts: the brain stem, the prefrontal cortex, and the limbic system. The prefrontal cortex is the CEO of your brain and runs the show. The limbic system is also powerful, but in a different way. You may be amazed to learn that in the limbic system the past and the present exist simultaneously.** End Summary**

About the Author:
Gloria Arenson MFT, treats stress, anxiety, trauma, fears, and compulsions. She wrote Stop Playing the Weighting Game, Desserts Is Stressed Spelled Backwards, Born To Spend, Five Simple Steps to Emotional Healing, Freedom At Your Fingertips and EFT For Procrastination. http://www.GloriaArenson.com

How To Parent Your Adult Child

Thu, 29 Oct 2009 18:13:32 -0400

In the last few years I have created a new niche in my practice, counseling parents of adult children. Perhaps it is a result of the fact that people are living longer that my clients are often over 65 and are as frustrated over their relationships with their grown-up sons and daughters as they were when their offspring were toddlers or teens. Although society has many rituals to celebrate the rites of passage into adulthood such as graduation from school, bar mitzvahs, and weddings, we have no way to demarcate the passage from child to adult within the family. Therefore, parents keep thinking of their progeny as if they were still under their care. My clients are usually dissatisfied with their adult children's lifestyles, relationships, parenting skills, handling of money, housekeeping standards, sex life, weight, addictions, and more. Although the adult children are usually living independently and are often happily married and self sufficient with children of their own, Mom doesn't see it that way.** End Summary**

Give Your Gift to the World

Thu, 27 Aug 2009 10:23:50 -0400

Have you ever been complimented on something you have done and wondered why since it was an ability you took for granted? Have you ever complimented someone else about what they do that impresses you because you couldn't do it no matter how hard you tried, and they do it so well? Many years ago when I was teaching classes at a City College adult education division, Joan, who programmed the classes said, "How can you do what you do? I would be terrified standing up in front of a group and talking." I was surprised by her words since teaching has always come effortlessly to me. I have often joked that I'll happily go where two or more are gathered. The more the merrier for me. Later, I thought about what she said and realized that I couldn't comprehend how she could sit at her desk day after day, organizing the curriculum and deciding who would teach what, when and where. Yet Joan loved her job and had been doing it for many years.** End Summary**

How to Handle Money Worries In Troubled Times

Fri, 20 Mar 2009 00:00:00 -0400

In this time of national financial stress, nearly everyone I meet is feeling anxious and worried about their losses and their future. Worrying about money is nothing new. The present difficulties remind me of a couple I counseled in the past. Hank and Barb came to see me because they were on the verge of divorce. They had been married more than twenty-five years. Hank was at his wits end because of their endless fights about money and was ready to walk out. Ever since Hank's heart attack Barb had become very anxious about money because he had cut back his work hours. She wanted him to be more frugal and spend less, although they were still able to maintain their style of living and pay their bills and mortgage without a problem. After hearing them out, I turned to Barb and asked, "What is money?" "Money is something that you save up so you have it for a rainy day," she answered. "What is money?" I asked Hank. Hank, a successful businessman replied, "Money is something you use to make more money with." Their problem was evident. Barb believed that money was something finite.** End Summary**

About the Author:
Gloria Arenson MFT, treats stress, anxiety, trauma, phobias, and compulsions. Author of How to Stop Playing the Weighting Game, A Substance Called Food, Born To Spend, Five Simple Steps to Emotional Healing, Freedom At Your Fingertips and Procrastination Nation. http://www.GloriaArenson.com

How To Make Your New Year's Resolutions Succeed

Mon, 12 Jan 2009 00:00:00 -0500

As the New Year begins many of us make resolutions for the coming months. One of the most common is to lose weight. Others want to stop smoking, drinking, spending, etc. Many, many years ago, when I lived in Los Angeles, the only support group for addicts was Alcoholics Anonymous. Around that time Overeaters Anonymous was created and then Narcotics Anonymous. Many of the AA superstar speakers offered to speak at these meetings to offer strength and hope to the members of the fledgling programs. One of these very smart and inspirational people was a woman who started a 12-step meeting for any and all addicted folks no matter what they were addicted to. I think she was on the right track, since so many addicts keep "changing deck chairs on the Titanic", switching from one substance or behavior to another. My very first client after I set up practice was an alcoholic, drug abusing, overeater. She bounced from one kind of binge to another and was never able to be completely abstinent. I specialized in eating disorders and soon discovered that many more of my overeating or bulimic clients were sober alcoholics too.** End Summary**

About the Author:
Gloria Arenson, MFT, treats stress, anxiety, trauma, phobias, and compulsions. She has authored How to Stop Playing the Weighting Game, A Substance Called Food, Born To Spend, Five Simple Steps to Emotional Healing, Freedom At Your Fingertips and Procrastination Nation. http://www.GloriaArenson.com

How to Deal with Impossible People In Your Life

Mon, 05 Jan 2009 00:00:00 -0500

Do you dread picking up the phone when your caller ID tells you that a certain person is on the line? We all have some friends or relatives who plague us with their problems. These people deserve an award for being the Victim of the Year. They call to dump their woes on us and cajole us into solving their problems for them or giving them advice that they rarely follow. Often it becomes a problem for you because the person is your parent, your child, your sibling or someone else very close to you. You can't tell them to go away since you care for them, but they are wearing you down with their complaints and helplessness. That is the problem. You may spend hours conversing, and hate yourself for getting suckered in again and again. Other than changing your phone number and not giving it out to these annoying callers, there are some other ways to resolve this predicament by changing your attitude and your behavior. Here are two steps to keep yourself from resenting these unbearable people. Step one is to bite your tongue!** End Summary**

Stop Me Before I Love Again

Mon, 29 Dec 2008 00:00:00 -0500

Do you fall in love with the same person over and over again? The name may change, but when the honeymoon ends you find yourself in the same old rut with the same problems you had before. Even if you have a PhD and tell yourself that you know better, there you go again. You can learn from your past if you are willing to look below the surface. After spending time in therapy as well as participating in a twelve-step group for codependents, Christa divorced her deadbeat, addicted husband Ted, who had also been unfaithful to her, only to take up with Andre, another man who was an unemployed compulsive overeater. She maintained that Andre was not at all like her ex, although all her friends tried to make her see how similar the two were. She and Andre set up housekeeping together, and after a while she discovered that he wasn't looking for work very hard and he too was being unfaithful. Since Christa understood that she acted codependent, she knew that she tended to find men who needed healing.** End Summary**

Ask the Magic Question Before You Say I Do

Tue, 23 Dec 2008 00:00:00 -0500

I was sitting in my therapist's office, close to tears. Week after week I would come in for a session and spew forth a litany of complaint. I was married to a man who couldn't hold a job so we were always worried about money. He was also highly critical, lazy and irresponsible. I was grumbling about something I asked him to do, most likely pick up his dirty clothes off the floor, which seemed like a small favor, but he hadn't followed through. I was angry and disappointed since I believed that my request was completely reasonable and I couldn't understand why he kept acting so flaky. In my most piteous voice I asked, "Is this too much to ask?" I was shocked when my therapist replied, "No, except of him." How dare she not commiserate with me! I only wanted him to do what I wanted when I wanted it, and he would not. I tried to plead my case for making him out to be a louse and my therapist wouldn't cooperate.** End Summary**

How to Choose the Perfect Mate

Fri, 19 Dec 2008 00:00:00 -0500

I have the unusual opportunity of dealing with relationships in two ways. I am a Wedding Minister, and I am also a Marriage Counselor. As a Wedding Minister I am privileged to be with couples on one of the happiest days of their lives. I enjoy seeing the loving looks and touches the pair exchange as they pledge to love one another forever. At that moment they truly mean it. Unfortunately, for some, I get to see them later when the relationship has gone sour. My job is to help them learn from the painful experience so they won't repeat it. Beverly was swept off her feet by Max and married him only to discover afterward that he did not want children. Having children was one of Bev's most important requirements. She assumed that Max wanted what she wanted and was devastated to find out that the prince she married was really a frog. Zoe, a gorgeous red head, joined a dating service and was swamped with offers. She fell for Zack during a two-hour phone call, and they eloped on their fourth date.** End Summary**

Eliminate Anxiety In Minutes and Ace That Exam!

Tue, 16 Dec 2008 00:00:00 -0500

Most of us feel anxious when confronting exams. It doesn't matter whether it is a driving test, a professional license exam or a midterm or final in school. Some of us handle it well, while others become so frazzled that it is hard to think or remember what we worked so hard to study. I recall how difficult it was to get ready for my Latin final in High School. Grammar was especially hard to remember. I will never forget a moment that occurred just before that exam that had a positive effect on my life. I was worried because I kept forgetting a certain verb form and was about to write it on my hand so I could call it up if needed, when this thought suddenly popped into my head. "The answer is in my brain. I don't have to write it down because it is stored there and I can tap into it whenever I want." That awareness took place long before we all had computers and understood the concept that we can study information and search through the computer files to call it up.** End Summary**

How to Stop Time and Be Here Now!

Fri, 12 Dec 2008 00:00:00 -0500

Almost every spiritual teacher I have ever come across talks about being in the NOW. Most of us know what it means intellectually, but rarely give it much thought or put it into practice. Occasionally, I may be counseling someone who becomes extremely carried away emotionally. Sometimes they feel disoriented and detached from the here and now. This may happen when an upsetting memory is triggered in the brain and the body relives an early experience as if it is happening again in the present moment. When that occurs, I ask them to focus on the feel of their feet touching the floor, look at the picture on the wall, feel the texture of the chair, and come back to a centered concrete state. At that moment they are completely in the NOW, here and nowhere else. They realize that the past is over and they are safe. Yet, in the very next second they may be remembering the past or discussing what is going to happen in the future. Why can't we stay in the moment? We live life looking ahead to this evening, tomorrow or our birthday and lose today.** End Summary**

How to Get Through the Holidays Without Gaining Weight

Mon, 08 Dec 2008 00:00:00 -0500

The holiday season is upon us. Do you greet it with joy and trepidation at the same time? Festivities bring us together with family and friends. It is time to take out the decorations, go shopping and bake the cookies. Ah, There's the rub! Cookies, candy, rich foods all add up to weight gain as the New Year begins. It is not as hard as you may think to enjoy yourself and wake up in January without having to go on a diet. The first step is to prepare ahead of time by making a list of all the people, places and things that contribute to your gustatory downfall. Once you have a clear picture of how you sabotage yourself, you can use a simple and powerful acupressure technique called EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques), to eliminate overwhelming cravings and holiday anxiety. Many overeaters try to be "good" and forego the temptations. Then they go home and overeat because they feel cheated. With EFT you will be able to choose to not eat something and feel content or feel satisfied when you eat one portion and stop.** End Summary**

A Secret Weapon For Dealing With the Terrible Twos

Fri, 05 Dec 2008 00:00:00 -0500

When my daughter was two, we lived in a house with a mural on the bathtub wall. It was a Polynesian scene with a palm tree and some strange looking Tiki figures. One day, for some reason, she became terrified of the scene and refused to take a bath. I tried everything I knew to no avail. She was adamant about not stepping into the tub and became hysterical if anyone tried to coax or force her. This went on for many weeks, and I was concerned about keeping her clean. At that time, I had read a wonderful book written by a famous psychiatrist who used to meet with groups of mothers to guide them in parenting. He seemed so compassionate and wise that I wrote him a letter telling him of my problem. His reply to me was simply to wait and not worry. He said her fear would disappear one day, and so it did. However, I remember to this day how worried and frustrated I felt. I was powerless to convince my toddler she was safe or take away her fear.** End Summary**

You Can Eat One and Stop

Tue, 02 Dec 2008 00:00:00 -0500

An amazing acupressure technique called EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) can take cravings away in minutes. Whether it is cigarettes, beer, donuts or chocolate, just touching or tapping a few energy points on the face and upper body allows the urge to disappear effortlessly. Most people who have used EFT to combat cravings report a loss of desire that lasts for hours, days or longer. I had a chocolate miracle eight years ago when I received a gift of a glorious box of very expensive chocolates. As a lifelong chocoholic, I fought the urge to open this Pandora's box, so I put it on my kitchen counter where it proceeded to beckon me. I couldn't live with it, but I couldn't live without it either. Since I specialize in helping people overcome their compulsive behaviors, I did what I tell my clients to do. I gave myself a two-minute EFT treatment. I tapped ten times on these energy points: on my eyebrow near the nose, the outside edge of my eye socket, under the lower lid of my eye, under my nose, under my lower lip, under my collarbone and four inches under my armpit on the side of my body.** End Summary**

The Dear Abby Approach to Problem Solving

Fri, 28 Nov 2008 00:00:00 -0500

Are you the kind of person that others call when they need advice? Do you pride yourself on your compassion and smarts when it comes to aiding others but can't seem to use your loving wisdom when it comes to your problems? Here is a simple game that will enable you to be your own best friend. You can consult the part of you that knows what to do and how to do it in most areas of your life. First pick someone you consider to be wise and loving. Imagine that one in the form of your own inner Dear Abby or a favorite wise advisor. Your mentor might be your beloved grandfather, a figure from history like Abe Lincoln or even a fictional character such as Minerva, the goddess of wisdom. Next, write a long paragraph to Dear Abby or your chosen helper. Pour out your worry, anxiety or fear about what is bothering you. Then, re-read what you just wrote to see if it makes sense. Finally, sign the letter. Now turn the paper over and pretend that you are the Wise one responding to your problem.** End Summary**

Better Late Than Never?

Thu, 20 Nov 2008 00:00:00 -0500

As a psychotherapist specializing in helping people overcome procrastination, I have observed that procrastination takes many forms. Some people procrastinate at home and not at work, others procrastinate about taking care of themselves but are prompt about meeting the needs of others. One of the most common aspects of procrastination is being late. I am someone who prides herself on being on time. In fact, I usually have to be early. When I met my husband he was frequently late. Through the years he has attended my Overcoming Procrastination workshops and worked on this bad habit. Now, he is usually on time, just! I am grateful for that even though watching him start to shave when there are only ten minutes to launch still causes me anxiety. When I was growing up, my best friend was always late. We did everything together and went everywhere together from the age of twelve. I lived in New York City where it was easy to get around on the subway.** End Summary**

How to Turn Life's Lemons into Lemonade

Thu, 20 Nov 2008 00:00:00 -0500

Most of us have heard the old saying, "If life gives you lemons, make lemonade." This sounds cute, but how many of us really do it? Most of the time when something happens in my life that sucks, I complain and feel miserable. I used to let the list of injustices or terrible experiences build up and feel like a martyr. Although this sometimes got me some attention and pity, it was not really worth the pain it caused me. Life threw me lemons and I let them rot. I started to learn how to make lemonade right after I was divorced. I had been out of the dating scene for many years and was quite nervous about being single again. I began to meet men and had some unpleasant experiences. After one brief but dreadful relationship ended, I was depressed. Was there any way that I could avoid having this happen again? It was time to make lemonade. I wrote myself a directive about dating that said, "There is no right or wrong. There is only what happens and what I learn from it. What have I just learned?** End Summary**

Eskimos Are All Around Us

Sat, 15 Nov 2008 00:00:00 -0500

I once heard a teaching story about 2 grizzled hunters who met in a bar in the Yukon. After a few drinks, they started to argue about the existence of God. One man insisted that there was a God while his opponent was just as sure there was no God. "Yes there is!" "No there isn't!" "God exists!" "No He doesn't, and I can prove it." The non-believer said, "I was out hunting when a snow storm caught me. The snow came down hard and obliterated the trail. I was lost. I didn't know what to do, so I got down on my knees and prayed, God, if there is a God, please help me now." "You are here.That proves that God exists," said the believer. "No it doesn't," said his opponent. "Some darn Eskimo came along and showed me the way back to town!" We all have Eskimos who come into our lives and show us the way. My definition of Eskimos is that they are strangers who come into our life and give us information or opportunities that lead us forward toward a positive experience or goal.** End Summary**

Did You Should On Yourself Today?

Thu, 30 Oct 2008 00:00:00 -0400

I should get my car washed. I should pay my bills. I should eat less. I shouldn't sleep so late on the weekend. Our lives are filled with shoulds. Shoulds keep us on the straight and narrow path to goodness. What are shoulds and where did they come from? Of course we can trace them back to the original holy set, the Ten Commandments, but I am guessing that shoulds arose long before that. A should is created when a group of people agree about how the world is or might be. But this may differ from culture to culture and century to century. Democrats have different shoulds about the world than Republicans. Believers and non-believers differ about the shoulds that label us good or bad. The shoulds of your family and friends may be diametrically opposed to those of your neighbor. Shoulds lead to procrastination! Putting things off is often the result of your conflict with a should. That is because shoulds are inflicted on us from outside. From our earliest years we are told what a good boy or girl should or should not do to gain approval from parent, teacher, family, community, and the world.** End Summary**

Curb Compulsive Shopping with Mall Therapy

Mon, 27 Oct 2008 00:00:00 -0400

Compulsive spending is a problem that affects millions of people from all walks of life. In a society that actively promotes conspicuous consumption, credit card abuse has reached epidemic proportions, causing untold heartache and ruined lives. Shopping is a pastime that hooks us into spending more than we can afford. Malls are like giant theme parks that beckon us to make out dreams come true through purchasing things. Mall Therapy is a quick and enjoyable way to curb the unstoppable urge to spend. If you are a shopaholic, this technique is one you can do yourself to promote immediate changes in your behavior. You will need the aid of someone you can trust who is not addicted to shopping, to carry out this experiment. Explain to your companion that you are performing an experiment to find out more about yourself. The other person needs to promise to be supportive and not make any judgmental comments. Pick a shopping mall, large department store or giant warehouse. You can decide to go during a slow time or a very busy weekend. Plan to stay for one hour.** End Summary**

Compulsive Spending is No Joke

Thu, 23 Oct 2008 00:00:00 -0400

Although we joke that when the going gets tough, the tough go shopping, shopaholics suffer from a major psychological problem. Compulsive spending and debting can lead to bankruptcy and ruined lives. I have counseled spenders who have embezzled money to pay for their excesses. This is no laughing matter. Most of us occasionally overindulge and buy something that costs more than we would usually spend, but only from time to time. Compulsive spenders find the urge overpowering and frequent. The need to shop or spend is a compulsion. My definition of compulsion is: if you can't control when you start or when you stop a behavior you have a problem. A common characteristic of "shopaholics" is that they buy things and never take the price tags off or wear them. Some people don't even take their purchases out of the bag. That is because it is not about things! Spending is a way to medicate unhappiness, fear, anger and low self-esteem. It is an addiction. You may wonder what creates the urge to splurge. Some people learn to overspend when someone close to them is a compulsive spender who encourages them to do the same.** End Summary**

A Guide For Choosing The Right Psychotherapist for You

Thu, 16 Oct 2008 00:00:00 -0400

Some people think that going to a therapist is like going to a car mechanic: they expect the therapist to diagnose a specific problem and fix it just as the mechanic puts in new brake pads or readjusts the carburetor. These clients expect something to happen to them. That is not the case. Don't expect the other person to have all the answers. Therapists don't come with crystal balls. You have the answers. They are already within you. The psychotherapist helps you discover those answers as you examine your thoughts, feelings and behaviors. I think of therapy as education. In therapy you may learn new skills to help you communicate better, decrease difficulties in your life and increase benefits. Don't be afraid to shop around for a good match between you and your therapist. No matter how well trained the therapist is, if you are not at ease with her or willing to talk about personal problems or feelings, you will be wasting your money. Trust your intuition. When my daughter was a teenager I was a single parent in a quandary about how to deal with her behavior.** End Summary**

When Talking To Yourself Out Loud Helps

Mon, 13 Oct 2008 00:00:00 -0400

Did you ever have a problem or emotion that was so upsetting you wanted to call your best friend because you needed a friendly ear? But what happens if no one answers? You are stuck with your feelings and misery. I have invented a simple activity to help you help yourself when you feel this way. I call it Narrative Tapping. It is based on EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques), which is acupressure for the emotions. Start by tapping on the outside edge of either hand, below the pinky and say to yourself, "I am upset about _____ and want to talk about so I can resolve it." Do this 3 times with feeling. Then simply tap about 5 to 10 times on each of the following points and keep talking as if you were telling your best friend about your problem. Put 2 fingers on the place where the hair of your eyebrow starts to grow near your nose and tap. Next tap on the bone on the outer edge of your eye socket, then right under the lower eyelid. From there, tap underneath your nose and then under your lower lip.** End Summary**