Articles by Gloria Arenson on ArticleSnatch.com

How to Release the Body's Collected Memories of Pain

Sun, 18 Jul 2010 19:42:13 -0400

A while ago I accompanied a dear friend to the doctor to lend support while she had an invasive diagnostic procedure. She was very anxious. I was allowed to be in the room with her while she waited for the doctor, and I did a gentle relaxation exercise with her. Then I asked her to use EFT to allay her anxiety. The doctor allowed me to remain during the procedure and praised her for going through it well even though it was painful. She was quite proud of herself. Afterwards she was fine, but was ordered to rest at home. A few hours later I looked in on her and found that she was pretty wiped out but feeling OK. As we talked I reminded her that the brain retains the memories of scary and uncomfortable moments we experience as we go through life. Therefore, what occurs in our present life often triggers the body to relive the past too. I have known my friend for many years and have seen her through a number of medical emergencies, surgeries, biopsies, and painful illnesses. **End Summary** Topics: EFT]]> tapping]]> Gloria-Arenson]]> anxiety]]> pain]]> stress]]> relief]]> medical]]> procedures]]> ]]> About the Author: ]]> Gloria Arenson MFT, treats stress, anxiety, trauma, fears, and compulsions. She wrote Stop Playing the Weighting Game, Desserts Is Stressed Spelled Backwards, Born To Spend, Five Simple Steps to Emotional Healing, Freedom At Your Fingertips and EFT For Procrastination. http://www.GloriaArenson.com

Relationships: Don't Settle For Less Than the Best

Mon, 19 Apr 2010 11:52:21 -0400

Do you settle for relationships with people because you secretly believe that you can't do better? I once knew a wonderful and loving minister who used to tell a story about one of his parishioners who came to him for guidance. She was a lovely woman who was having trouble financially. She told the minister about her low paying job and how she could barely pay her bills each month. The minister took a twenty-dollar bill out of his pocket and offered it to her. She recoiled, saying that she couldn't possibly accept it. He replied, "Can you see how you are turning away from the good that the Universe wants you to have? You are stopping yourself from having what you want because you don't think you deserve it." What do you tell yourself that you deserve about relationships? Do you feel awkward when a very good-looking person strikes up a conversation with you? Do you shy away from approaching someone who looks as if they are wealthy successful or admired by others? Many people have shared their relationship problems and their yearning for a life partner with me. **End Summary** Topics: relationships]]> advice]]> Gloria-Arenson]]> psychotherapy]]> self-acceptance]]> love]]> ]]>]]> About the Author: ]]> Gloria Arenson MFT, treats stress, anxiety, trauma, fears, and compulsions. She wrote Stop Playing the Weighting Game, Desserts Is Stressed Spelled Backwards, Born To Spend, Five Simple Steps to Emotional Healing, Freedom At Your Fingertips and EFT For Procrastination. http://www.GloriaArenson.com

Imaginary EFT Comes to the Rescue

Tue, 13 Apr 2010 18:07:16 -0400

This morning I had to go to a local medical facility for an ultrasound procedure and left the house early to make sure that I had enough time for checking in. This place runs like clockwork so it is really important to get there on time or else it affects everyone's schedule. When I tried to start my car I discovered that it was dead, dead, dead. OMG! I ran into the house in a frantic state and yelled to my husband that he had to drive me to my appointment. Unfortunately, he was on his way out to a meeting that he couldn't call off. Thank goodness he has cable jumpers and was able to get me on my way in record time. I made it under the wire, registered, and was called in to the scan room immediately. The only trouble was that I had taken my anxiety along with me. My body was still in a state of panic. I couldn't catch my breath. The woman doing the ultrasound asked me to be as still as I could, but I was afraid that my body would start to shake because I still felt unsettled. **End Summary** Topics: EFT]]> tapping]]> Gloria-Arenson]]> imagination]]> anxiety]]> panic]]> stress]]> relief]]> healing]]>]]> About the Author: ]]> Gloria Arenson MFT, treats stress, anxiety, trauma, fears, and compulsions. She wrote Stop Playing the Weighting Game, Desserts Is Stressed Spelled Backwards, Born To Spend, Five Simple Steps to Emotional Healing, Freedom At Your Fingertips and EFT For Procrastination. http://www.GloriaArenson.com

Use EFT to Get a Divorce From Your Parents

Thu, 11 Mar 2010 18:04:17 -0500

When it's time for the holidays or a family reunion do you cringe at the thought, but go anyway? Your mom will find fault with your hair, your job or the way you are bringing up your kids. Your dad might pick a fight with you or boast about how much money your brother makes while you are barely getting by. You know that you will have a terrible time and perhaps eat too much or drink to dull the pain. When I ask clients to tell me who in their life has had the most negative effect on them that is still a problem, the majority replies either mom or dad. I have lost count of the number of people I have met that were beaten, sexually abused, abandoned, vilified, threatened and harmed in other ways. Yet, these same people are now adults well over the age of consent and still going back for more. Why? Are you one of these people? As you were growing up you may have experienced some awful incidents when your parents continually acted unloving or downright terrifying and there was no one to protect you. Afterward you tried to rationalize their behavior. **End Summary** Topics: family]]> divorce]]> Gloria-Arenson]]> EFT]]> relationships]]> dysfunction]]> abuse]]>]]> About the Author: ]]>

I Want to Help But They Just Won't Listen

Fri, 12 Feb 2010 22:57:19 -0500

Do you have a friend or relative who doesn't listen to your good advice? Every week I speak with at least one person like you. Perhaps you are in despair because of the way your neighbor treats her children or know without a doubt that your brother shouldn't move away or your best friend should change her hairstyle. Do you pride yourself on your taste, your smarts and your experience? Often the advice you want to give the unfortunate person is quite sound. You have confidence in your wisdom so why don't they? It is extremely frustrating! Many years ago as I was starting out as a psychotherapist, I read a wonderful autobiography written by a well-known and respected psychologist. He recounted that when he first opened his practice people would come for a few sessions and never come back. He couldn't figure out why that was happening since he was well trained and felt confident about his abilities. He went to his mentor, another therapist who had many years of experience, and asked for help. After he described what was happening, his wise advisor told him that he was indeed a good therapist. **End Summary** Topics: relationships]]> advice]]> Gloria-Arenson]]> psychotherapy]]> communication]]> ]]>]]> About the Author: ]]> Gloria Arenson MFT, treats stress, anxiety, trauma, fears, and compulsions. She wrote Stop Playing the Weighting Game, Desserts Is Stressed Spelled Backwards, Born To Spend, Five Simple Steps to Emotional Healing, Freedom At Your Fingertips and EFT For Procrastination. http://www.GloriaArenson.com

How to Survive Potlucks and Buffets Without Gaining Weight

Tue, 02 Feb 2010 14:56:20 -0500

Does your inner Needy Greedy child go crazy at the sight of all the tantalizing food laid out at a potluck or buffet? Do you start to salivate when you smell the wonderful casseroles or see the yummy desserts waiting for you? Do you have to go back to refill your plate since you didn't have enough room for all that you desire the first time around? And then do you find yourself reaching for antacids a few hours later or feeling fat the next day? We live in a society that encourages us to eat while, at the same time, urging us to beware eating rich foods and overeating since it leads to disease and shortens our lives. Even so, temptations are everywhere. You might use these excuses for pigging out: "I'll cut back tomorrow." "I've been good this week so I can reward myself." Or "How often do I get to eat tiramisu or Molly's famous brownies?" Here are some suggestions for surviving potlucks that will enable you to eat less, enjoy it more and wake up the next day without guilt, shame, or added pounds. **End Summary** Topics: overeating]]> potluck]]> Gloria-Arenson]]> weight]]> fat]]> calories]]> choices]]> greedy]]> compulsion]]> ]]> About the Author: ]]> Gloria Arenson MFT, treats stress, anxiety, trauma, fears, and compulsions. She wrote Stop Playing the Weighting Game, Desserts Is Stressed Spelled Backwards, Born To Spend, Five Simple Steps to Emotional Healing, Freedom At Your Fingertips and EFT For Procrastination. http://www.GloriaArenson.com

How Could You Hurt Me Like This?

Fri, 22 Jan 2010 19:39:11 -0500

One of words we sprinkle our communications with that drives me up the wall is "hurt." "How could you hurt your mother like this?" "I was hurt when she didn't remember my birthday." Or "You hurt me!" Most hurt feelings come from our expectations of others, what they should do or not do, say or refrain from saying. Hurt feelings are a result of magical thinking and mind reading. Nowhere in the constitution or the law is it written that we must read another's mind and commit ourselves to carrying out all their wishes despite our own needs. Eleanor Roosevelt told us that no one could make us feel bad without our permission, but we still persist in believing that we are at each other's mercy when it comes to hurt feelings. We hold others to blame for those feelings, often punishing someone who has no idea what they have done to merit our anger or coldness. **End Summary** Topics: communication]]> hurt feelings]]> Gloria-Arenson]]> self-help]]> self-esteem]]> self-awareness]]>]]> About the Author: ]]> Gloria Arenson MFT, treats stress, anxiety, trauma, fears, and compulsions. She wrote Stop Playing the Weighting Game, Desserts Is Stressed Spelled Backwards, Born To Spend, Five Simple Steps to Emotional Healing, Freedom At Your Fingertips and EFT For Procrastination. http://www.GloriaArenson.com

When the Crying Won't Stop

Tue, 19 Jan 2010 21:05:25 -0500

I recently met a woman I'll call Anna who lost her spouse in a terrible accident ten years ago. Although time has passed, for her it is as if it happened yesterday. Whenever she remembers, as she does every day, she can't help but weep. Anna wanted to tell me her story, and as she started to speak she was so overwhelmed by her pain that she could only sob. I knew that reliving the moment over and over keeps the wound open, and this is harmful physically, emotionally and spiritually. Therefore, I showed Anna a simple technique for lessening the pain. It is called EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique). EFT is a rapid way to eradicate negative emotions. You can perform EFT, any time and anywhere when you feel out of control. When you are feeling upset, and especially if you are crying, the body tightens, and you may experience tension in your stomach, neck or shoulders. This results in restricted breathing. Begin by taking a deep breath to rate how distressed you are from 1 to 10. The deepest, most satisfying breath you are capable of is rated 10. **End Summary** Topics: grief]]> despair]]> acupressure]]> Gloria-Arenson]]> EFT]]> stress]]> tapping]]>]]> About the Author: ]]> Gloria Arenson MFT, treats stress, anxiety, trauma, fears, and compulsions. She wrote Stop Playing the Weighting Game, Desserts Is Stressed Spelled Backwards, Born To Spend, Five Simple Steps to Emotional Healing, Freedom At Your Fingertips and EFT For Procrastination. http://www.GloriaArenson.com

Instant Stress Reduction

Tue, 12 Jan 2010 09:41:19 -0500

Most of us are so used to living with stress that we aren't even aware that it's there. Here's a quick way to eradicate stress in two minutes or less. You can perform this procedure, called EFT, any time and anywhere. I enjoy doing it while stopped at a red light. It is safe and good for your health. Make sure to turn off your cell phone or iPod before you get started. When you are feeling uptight because of physical or emotional stress, the body tightens, and you may experience a knot in your stomach, neck or shoulders. Restricted breathing is an indicator that you are stressed, so start by taking a deep breath to rate how stressed you are from 1 to 10. The deepest, most satisfying breath you are capable of is rated 10. Anything below an 8 indicates that you need this quick stress reduction treatment. 1. Take a deep breath. Rate the depth and pleasure of the breath from 1 to 10. 2. **End Summary** Topics: stress]]> tension]]> Gloria-Arenson]]> EFT]]> relaxation]]> health]]> ]]>]]> About the Author: ]]> Gloria Arenson MFT, treats stress, anxiety, trauma, fears, and compulsions. She wrote Stop Playing the Weighting Game, Desserts Is Stressed Spelled Backwards, Born To Spend, Five Simple Steps to Emotional Healing, Freedom At Your Fingertips and EFT For Procrastination. http://www.GloriaArenson.com

Restaurant Therapy

Tue, 08 Dec 2009 17:21:33 -0500

If you are a compulsive overeater you may have mixed feelings about eating out in restaurants. Although you enjoy eating, perhaps you feel fearful about being tempted to consume certain foods you love that you believe are "bad" because they lead to binge eating. Your inner dialogue sounds like this: I love this food so much that I don't think I can eat just one portion. If I eat it I will continue to eat too much. If I do, I am bad so I might as well keep eating since I have already "blown it." Afterwards I will hate myself, and vow to never do it again. One way to get past your anxiety about eating with others in a public place is to try Restaurant Therapy. Invite a friend to participate with you. Make sure it is someone you trust, someone you can be honest with. Take these instructions with you and follow each step without rushing. Pick a restaurant that has a large and varied menu. After you are seated, look around and take stock of the setting. Ask yourself how anxious or fearful you are on a scale of 1 to 10. **End Summary** Topics: therapy]]> overeating]]> compulsive-overeater]]> Gloria-Arenson]]> restaurants]]> anxiety]]> stress]]> food]]> diet]]> ]]> About the Author: ]]> Gloria Arenson MFT, treats stress, anxiety, trauma, fears, and compulsions. She wrote Stop Playing the Weighting Game, Desserts Is Stressed Spelled Backwards, Born To Spend, Five Simple Steps to Emotional Healing, Freedom At Your Fingertips and EFT For Procrastination. http://www.GloriaArenson.com

The Genie In Your Brain

Thu, 05 Nov 2009 16:35:15 -0500

In the story of Aladdin and his wonderful lamp you may remember that when Aladdin found the magic lamp and rubbed it a Genie came out. The Genie said, "You are the master of the lamp and I must obey." When Aladdin made a wish, the Genie didn't say, "That is a lousy wish. I won't grant it." Genies may be big and powerful, but they must go along with whatever wish is chosen. Your subconscious mind is like that Genie. It is your trusted servant. The subconscious is like a giant file where most of your history is stored. Once you have placed a belief or command in the subconscious it must comply even if you have forgotten what you ordered. Neuroscience has proved that this is really the case. Your brain is divided into three parts: the brain stem, the prefrontal cortex, and the limbic system. The prefrontal cortex is the CEO of your brain and runs the show. The limbic system is also powerful, but in a different way. You may be amazed to learn that in the limbic system the past and the present exist simultaneously. **End Summary** Topics: genie]]> brain]]> subconscious]]> mind]]> limbic system]]> amygdala]]> problems]]> self-awareness]]> Gloria-Arenson]]> ]]> About the Author: ]]> Gloria Arenson MFT, treats stress, anxiety, trauma, fears, and compulsions. She wrote Stop Playing the Weighting Game, Desserts Is Stressed Spelled Backwards, Born To Spend, Five Simple Steps to Emotional Healing, Freedom At Your Fingertips and EFT For Procrastination. http://www.GloriaArenson.com

How To Parent Your Adult Child

Thu, 29 Oct 2009 18:13:32 -0400

In the last few years I have created a new niche in my practice, counseling parents of adult children. Perhaps it is a result of the fact that people are living longer that my clients are often over 65 and are as frustrated over their relationships with their grown-up sons and daughters as they were when their offspring were toddlers or teens. Although society has many rituals to celebrate the rites of passage into adulthood such as graduation from school, bar mitzvahs, and weddings, we have no way to demarcate the passage from child to adult within the family. Therefore, parents keep thinking of their progeny as if they were still under their care. My clients are usually dissatisfied with their adult children's lifestyles, relationships, parenting skills, handling of money, housekeeping standards, sex life, weight, addictions, and more. Although the adult children are usually living independently and are often happily married and self sufficient with children of their own, Mom doesn't see it that way. **End Summary** Topics: children]]> parenting]]> Gloria-Arenson]]> relationships]]> rules]]> self awareness]]> self improvement]]> ]]>]]> About the Author: ]]> Gloria Arenson MFT, treats stress, anxiety, trauma, fears, and compulsions. She wrote Stop Playing the Weighting Game, Desserts Is Stressed Spelled Backwards, Born To Spend, Five Simple Steps to Emotional Healing, Freedom At Your Fingertips and EFT For Procrastination. http://www.GloriaArenson.com

Give Your Gift to the World

Thu, 27 Aug 2009 10:23:50 -0400

Have you ever been complimented on something you have done and wondered why since it was an ability you took for granted? Have you ever complimented someone else about what they do that impresses you because you couldn't do it no matter how hard you tried, and they do it so well? Many years ago when I was teaching classes at a City College adult education division, Joan, who programmed the classes said, "How can you do what you do? I would be terrified standing up in front of a group and talking." I was surprised by her words since teaching has always come effortlessly to me. I have often joked that I'll happily go where two or more are gathered. The more the merrier for me. Later, I thought about what she said and realized that I couldn't comprehend how she could sit at her desk day after day, organizing the curriculum and deciding who would teach what, when and where. Yet Joan loved her job and had been doing it for many years. **End Summary** Topics: gift]]> talent]]> Gloria-Arenson]]> help]]> achievements]]> self-improvement]]> self-awareness]]> self-esteem]]>]]> About the Author: ]]> Gloria Arenson MFT, treats stress, anxiety, trauma, fears, and compulsions. She wrote Stop Playing the Weighting Game, Desserts Is Stressed Spelled Backwards, Born To Spend, Five Simple Steps to Emotional Healing, Freedom At Your Fingertips and EFT For Procrastination. http://www.GloriaArenson.com

How to Handle Money Worries In Troubled Times

Fri, 20 Mar 2009 00:00:00 -0400

In this time of national financial stress, nearly everyone I meet is feeling anxious and worried about their losses and their future. Worrying about money is nothing new. The present difficulties remind me of a couple I counseled in the past. Hank and Barb came to see me because they were on the verge of divorce. They had been married more than twenty-five years. Hank was at his wits end because of their endless fights about money and was ready to walk out. Ever since Hank's heart attack Barb had become very anxious about money because he had cut back his work hours. She wanted him to be more frugal and spend less, although they were still able to maintain their style of living and pay their bills and mortgage without a problem. After hearing them out, I turned to Barb and asked, "What is money?" "Money is something that you save up so you have it for a rainy day," she answered. "What is money?" I asked Hank. Hank, a successful businessman replied, "Money is something you use to make more money with." Their problem was evident. Barb believed that money was something finite. **End Summary** Topics: money]]> finances]]> Gloria-Arenson]]> worry]]> serotonin]]> problems]]> marriage]]>]]> About the Author: ]]> Gloria Arenson MFT, treats stress, anxiety, trauma, phobias, and compulsions. Author of How to Stop Playing the Weighting Game, A Substance Called Food, Born To Spend, Five Simple Steps to Emotional Healing, Freedom At Your Fingertips and Procrastination Nation. http://www.GloriaArenson.com

How To Make Your New Year's Resolutions Succeed

Mon, 12 Jan 2009 00:00:00 -0500

As the New Year begins many of us make resolutions for the coming months. One of the most common is to lose weight. Others want to stop smoking, drinking, spending, etc. Many, many years ago, when I lived in Los Angeles, the only support group for addicts was Alcoholics Anonymous. Around that time Overeaters Anonymous was created and then Narcotics Anonymous. Many of the AA superstar speakers offered to speak at these meetings to offer strength and hope to the members of the fledgling programs. One of these very smart and inspirational people was a woman who started a 12-step meeting for any and all addicted folks no matter what they were addicted to. I think she was on the right track, since so many addicts keep "changing deck chairs on the Titanic", switching from one substance or behavior to another. My very first client after I set up practice was an alcoholic, drug abusing, overeater. She bounced from one kind of binge to another and was never able to be completely abstinent. I specialized in eating disorders and soon discovered that many more of my overeating or bulimic clients were sober alcoholics too. **End Summary** Topics: addiction]]> compulsion]]> addicts]]> Gloria-Arenson]]> shopaholics]]> behavior]]> resolutions]]>]]> About the Author: ]]> Gloria Arenson, MFT, treats stress, anxiety, trauma, phobias, and compulsions. She has authored How to Stop Playing the Weighting Game, A Substance Called Food, Born To Spend, Five Simple Steps to Emotional Healing, Freedom At Your Fingertips and Procrastination Nation. http://www.GloriaArenson.com

How to Deal with Impossible People In Your Life

Mon, 05 Jan 2009 00:00:00 -0500

Do you dread picking up the phone when your caller ID tells you that a certain person is on the line? We all have some friends or relatives who plague us with their problems. These people deserve an award for being the Victim of the Year. They call to dump their woes on us and cajole us into solving their problems for them or giving them advice that they rarely follow. Often it becomes a problem for you because the person is your parent, your child, your sibling or someone else very close to you. You can't tell them to go away since you care for them, but they are wearing you down with their complaints and helplessness. That is the problem. You may spend hours conversing, and hate yourself for getting suckered in again and again. Other than changing your phone number and not giving it out to these annoying callers, there are some other ways to resolve this predicament by changing your attitude and your behavior. Here are two steps to keep yourself from resenting these unbearable people. Step one is to bite your tongue! **End Summary** Topics: relationship]]> communication]]> victim]]> solutions]]> Gloria-Arenson]]> therapy]]> question]]>]]> About the Author: ]]> Gloria Arenson, MFT, treats stress, anxiety, trauma, phobias, and compulsions. She has authored How to Stop Playing the Weighting Game, A Substance Called Food, Born To Spend, Five Simple Steps to Emotional Healing, Freedom At Your Fingertips and Procrastination Nation. http://www.GloriaArenson.com

Stop Me Before I Love Again

Mon, 29 Dec 2008 00:00:00 -0500

Do you fall in love with the same person over and over again? The name may change, but when the honeymoon ends you find yourself in the same old rut with the same problems you had before. Even if you have a PhD and tell yourself that you know better, there you go again. You can learn from your past if you are willing to look below the surface. After spending time in therapy as well as participating in a twelve-step group for codependents, Christa divorced her deadbeat, addicted husband Ted, who had also been unfaithful to her, only to take up with Andre, another man who was an unemployed compulsive overeater. She maintained that Andre was not at all like her ex, although all her friends tried to make her see how similar the two were. She and Andre set up housekeeping together, and after a while she discovered that he wasn't looking for work very hard and he too was being unfaithful. Since Christa understood that she acted codependent, she knew that she tended to find men who needed healing. **End Summary** Topics: relationship]]> success]]> codependence]]> Gloria-Arenson]]> therapy]]> love]]> psychotherapy]]>]]> About the Author: ]]> Gloria Arenson, MFT, treats stress, anxiety, trauma, phobias, and compulsions. She has authored How to Stop Playing the Weighting Game, A Substance Called Food, Born To Spend, Five Simple Steps to Emotional Healing, Freedom At Your Fingertips and Procrastination Nation. http://www.GloriaArenson.com

Ask the Magic Question Before You Say I Do

Tue, 23 Dec 2008 00:00:00 -0500

I was sitting in my therapist's office, close to tears. Week after week I would come in for a session and spew forth a litany of complaint. I was married to a man who couldn't hold a job so we were always worried about money. He was also highly critical, lazy and irresponsible. I was grumbling about something I asked him to do, most likely pick up his dirty clothes off the floor, which seemed like a small favor, but he hadn't followed through. I was angry and disappointed since I believed that my request was completely reasonable and I couldn't understand why he kept acting so flaky. In my most piteous voice I asked, "Is this too much to ask?" I was shocked when my therapist replied, "No, except of him." How dare she not commiserate with me! I only wanted him to do what I wanted when I wanted it, and he would not. I tried to plead my case for making him out to be a louse and my therapist wouldn't cooperate. **End Summary** Topics: relationship]]> mate]]> partner]]> acceptance]]> Gloria-Arenson]]> marriage]]> therapy]]> question]]>]]> About the Author: ]]> Gloria Arenson, MFT, treats stress, anxiety, trauma, phobias, and compulsions. She has authored How to Stop Playing the Weighting Game, A Substance Called Food, Born To Spend, Five Simple Steps to Emotional Healing, Freedom At Your Fingertips and Procrastination Nation. http://www.GloriaArenson.com

How to Choose the Perfect Mate

Fri, 19 Dec 2008 00:00:00 -0500

I have the unusual opportunity of dealing with relationships in two ways. I am a Wedding Minister, and I am also a Marriage Counselor. As a Wedding Minister I am privileged to be with couples on one of the happiest days of their lives. I enjoy seeing the loving looks and touches the pair exchange as they pledge to love one another forever. At that moment they truly mean it. Unfortunately, for some, I get to see them later when the relationship has gone sour. My job is to help them learn from the painful experience so they won't repeat it. Beverly was swept off her feet by Max and married him only to discover afterward that he did not want children. Having children was one of Bev's most important requirements. She assumed that Max wanted what she wanted and was devastated to find out that the prince she married was really a frog. Zoe, a gorgeous red head, joined a dating service and was swamped with offers. She fell for Zack during a two-hour phone call, and they eloped on their fourth date. **End Summary** Topics: relationship]]> mate]]> partner]]> choose]]> Gloria-Arenson]]> marriage]]> wedding]]> attraction]]>]]> About the Author: ]]> Gloria Arenson, MFT, treats stress, anxiety, trauma, phobias, and compulsions. She has authored How to Stop Playing the Weighting Game, A Substance Called Food, Born To Spend, Five Simple Steps to Emotional Healing, Freedom At Your Fingertips and Procrastination Nation. http://www.GloriaArenson.com

Better Late Than Never?

Thu, 20 Nov 2008 00:00:00 -0500

As a psychotherapist specializing in helping people overcome procrastination, I have observed that procrastination takes many forms. Some people procrastinate at home and not at work, others procrastinate about taking care of themselves but are prompt about meeting the needs of others. One of the most common aspects of procrastination is being late. I am someone who prides herself on being on time. In fact, I usually have to be early. When I met my husband he was frequently late. Through the years he has attended my Overcoming Procrastination workshops and worked on this bad habit. Now, he is usually on time, just! I am grateful for that even though watching him start to shave when there are only ten minutes to launch still causes me anxiety. When I was growing up, my best friend was always late. We did everything together and went everywhere together from the age of twelve. I lived in New York City where it was easy to get around on the subway. **End Summary** Topics: procrastination]]> behavior]]> lateness]]> Gloria-Arenson]]> change]]> Karma]]>]]> About the Author: ]]> Gloria Arenson, MFT, treats stress, anxiety, trauma, phobias, and compulsions. She has authored How to Stop Playing the Weighting Game, A Substance Called Food, Born To Spend, Five Simple Steps to Emotional Healing, Freedom At Your Fingertips and Procrastination Nation. http://www.GloriaArenson.com

How to Turn Life's Lemons into Lemonade

Thu, 20 Nov 2008 00:00:00 -0500

Most of us have heard the old saying, "If life gives you lemons, make lemonade." This sounds cute, but how many of us really do it? Most of the time when something happens in my life that sucks, I complain and feel miserable. I used to let the list of injustices or terrible experiences build up and feel like a martyr. Although this sometimes got me some attention and pity, it was not really worth the pain it caused me. Life threw me lemons and I let them rot. I started to learn how to make lemonade right after I was divorced. I had been out of the dating scene for many years and was quite nervous about being single again. I began to meet men and had some unpleasant experiences. After one brief but dreadful relationship ended, I was depressed. Was there any way that I could avoid having this happen again? It was time to make lemonade. I wrote myself a directive about dating that said, "There is no right or wrong. There is only what happens and what I learn from it. What have I just learned? **End Summary** Topics: psychotherapy]]> therapist]]> Gloria-Arenson]]> life]]> psychology]]> positive]]> attitude]]>]]> About the Author: ]]> Gloria Arenson, MFT, treats stress, anxiety, trauma, phobias, and compulsions. She has authored How to Stop Playing the Weighting Game, A Substance Called Food, Born To Spend, Five Simple Steps to Emotional Healing, Freedom At Your Fingertips and Procrastination Nation. http://www.GloriaArenson.com

Eskimos Are All Around Us

Sat, 15 Nov 2008 00:00:00 -0500

I once heard a teaching story about 2 grizzled hunters who met in a bar in the Yukon. After a few drinks, they started to argue about the existence of God. One man insisted that there was a God while his opponent was just as sure there was no God. "Yes there is!" "No there isn't!" "God exists!" "No He doesn't, and I can prove it." The non-believer said, "I was out hunting when a snow storm caught me. The snow came down hard and obliterated the trail. I was lost. I didn't know what to do, so I got down on my knees and prayed, God, if there is a God, please help me now." "You are here.That proves that God exists," said the believer. "No it doesn't," said his opponent. "Some darn Eskimo came along and showed me the way back to town!" We all have Eskimos who come into our lives and show us the way. My definition of Eskimos is that they are strangers who come into our life and give us information or opportunities that lead us forward toward a positive experience or goal. **End Summary** Topics: Eskimo]]> TFT]]> spirituality]]> belief]]> Gloria-Arenson]]> God]]> change]]> opportunities]]>]]> About the Author: ]]> Gloria Arenson, MFT, treats stress, anxiety, trauma, phobias, and compulsions. She has authored How to Stop Playing the Weighting Game, A Substance Called Food, Born To Spend, Five Simple Steps to Emotional Healing, Freedom At Your Fingertips and Procrastination Nation. http://www.GloriaArenson.com

Did You Should On Yourself Today?

Thu, 30 Oct 2008 00:00:00 -0400

I should get my car washed. I should pay my bills. I should eat less. I shouldn't sleep so late on the weekend. Our lives are filled with shoulds. Shoulds keep us on the straight and narrow path to goodness. What are shoulds and where did they come from? Of course we can trace them back to the original holy set, the Ten Commandments, but I am guessing that shoulds arose long before that. A should is created when a group of people agree about how the world is or might be. But this may differ from culture to culture and century to century. Democrats have different shoulds about the world than Republicans. Believers and non-believers differ about the shoulds that label us good or bad. The shoulds of your family and friends may be diametrically opposed to those of your neighbor. Shoulds lead to procrastination! Putting things off is often the result of your conflict with a should. That is because shoulds are inflicted on us from outside. From our earliest years we are told what a good boy or girl should or should not do to gain approval from parent, teacher, family, community, and the world. **End Summary** Topics: procrastination]]> guilt]]> shame]]> Gloria-Arenson]]> approval]]> culture]]>]]> About the Author: ]]> Gloria Arenson, MFT, treats stress, anxiety, trauma, phobias, and compulsions. She has authored How to Stop Playing the Weighting Game, A Substance Called Food, Born To Spend, Five Simple Steps to Emotional Healing, Freedom At Your Fingertips and Procrastination Nation. http://www.GloriaArenson.com

Curb Compulsive Shopping with Mall Therapy

Mon, 27 Oct 2008 00:00:00 -0400

Compulsive spending is a problem that affects millions of people from all walks of life. In a society that actively promotes conspicuous consumption, credit card abuse has reached epidemic proportions, causing untold heartache and ruined lives. Shopping is a pastime that hooks us into spending more than we can afford. Malls are like giant theme parks that beckon us to make out dreams come true through purchasing things. Mall Therapy is a quick and enjoyable way to curb the unstoppable urge to spend. If you are a shopaholic, this technique is one you can do yourself to promote immediate changes in your behavior. You will need the aid of someone you can trust who is not addicted to shopping, to carry out this experiment. Explain to your companion that you are performing an experiment to find out more about yourself. The other person needs to promise to be supportive and not make any judgmental comments. Pick a shopping mall, large department store or giant warehouse. You can decide to go during a slow time or a very busy weekend. Plan to stay for one hour. **End Summary** Topics: shopping]]> shopaholic]]> compulsion]]> spending]]> Gloria-Arenson]]> addiction]]> urge]]> ]]>]]> About the Author: ]]> Gloria Arenson, MFT, treats stress, anxiety, trauma, phobias, and compulsions. She has authored How to Stop Playing the Weighting Game, A Substance Called Food, Born To Spend, Five Simple Steps to Emotional Healing, Freedom At Your Fingertips and Procrastination Nation. http://www.GloriaArenson.com

Compulsive Spending is No Joke

Thu, 23 Oct 2008 00:00:00 -0400

Although we joke that when the going gets tough, the tough go shopping, shopaholics suffer from a major psychological problem. Compulsive spending and debting can lead to bankruptcy and ruined lives. I have counseled spenders who have embezzled money to pay for their excesses. This is no laughing matter. Most of us occasionally overindulge and buy something that costs more than we would usually spend, but only from time to time. Compulsive spenders find the urge overpowering and frequent. The need to shop or spend is a compulsion. My definition of compulsion is: if you can't control when you start or when you stop a behavior you have a problem. A common characteristic of "shopaholics" is that they buy things and never take the price tags off or wear them. Some people don't even take their purchases out of the bag. That is because it is not about things! Spending is a way to medicate unhappiness, fear, anger and low self-esteem. It is an addiction. You may wonder what creates the urge to splurge. Some people learn to overspend when someone close to them is a compulsive spender who encourages them to do the same. **End Summary** Topics: spending]]> debt]]> shopaholic]]> EFT]]> Gloria-Arenson]]> compulsion]]> urges]]> addiction]]>]]> About the Author: ]]> Gloria Arenson, MFT, treats stress, anxiety, trauma, phobias, and compulsions. She has authored How to Stop Playing the Weighting Game, A Substance Called Food, Born To Spend, Five Simple Steps to Emotional Healing, Freedom At Your Fingertips and Procrastination Nation. http://www.GloriaArenson.com