Articles by Peggy Ferguson on ArticleSnatch.com

The Best Valentine's Day Gift Yet - You!

Sun, 07 Feb 2010 07:01:36 -0500

The very best gift to give your beloved for Valentine's Day is your time and attention. If you have gotten into the rut of giving a card, roses or chocolates (if you give anything at all), you may have become complacent in your most important relationship. It is easy to settle into a boring, but comfortable routine of work, dinner, tv, bed, and start all over again the next day. Very little real interaction takes place between you and your spouse. If couples want to have a healthy marriage and avoid marriage trouble, the best course of action to take is to pay attention to the marital relationship and not take it for granted. Couples that are settled into a stable marital relationship that has become stale can utilize Valentine's Day and February as a romantic backdrop to develop their own marriage enhancement initiative. By deliberately attending to their marriage, a couple can re-invigorate and revitalize the energy in their relationship. They can rediscover the romance and the connected sense of "us". This can be accomplished by following the marital advice of devoting time and attention to the relationship. **End Summary** Topics: Valentine's Day Gift]]> romantic valentine's day gift]]> couple's communication exercises]]> romance]]> marriage]]>]]> About the Author: ]]> Couples looking for resources for their relationship can access an abundance of articles and other helpful information, including The Honey Jar, a couple's communication exercise at http://www.peggyferguson.com/ServicesProvided.en.html or http://www.peggyferguson.com Peggy L. Ferguson, Ph.D., Licensed Alcohol/Drug Counselor, Licensed Marriage/Family Therapist, providing professional counseling in and around Stillwater, Oklahoma.

Couple Communication: A Brief Guide To Improving Your Listening Skills

Wed, 11 Nov 2009 03:26:49 -0500

"Active listening" is a technique that assists in ability to hear the message that was actually sent. The ability to effectively listen is crucial to relationships. When teaching couples how to change how they talk to each other, active listening is stressed. Much of the time, a big part of the communicational problems that couples experience involves poor listening skills or habits. You cannot effectively communicate with your significant others is you cannot accurately "hear" what is being said. There is no effective communication without effective listening. Without good communication skills, there are no effecive problem solving skills. When there is no effective listening, the message sent and the message received are not the same message. Although this can happen for many other reasons, a failure to listen is often the source of the difficulty. The following are things that can interfere with effective listening: a. the assumption that it is not necessary to listen past a certain point, b. the listener believes that s/he already knows what the other person will say, and in effect, listens just long enough to confirm his/her belief, c) the listener ignores the other person while concentrating on their own response. **End Summary** Topics: listening skills]]> active listening skills]]> effective listening skills]]> communication skills]]> effective communication skills]]> importance of communication sk]]>]]> About the Author: ]]> There are a number of helpful resources for couples on the website of Dr. Peggy L. Ferguson, Ph.D. at http://www.peggyferguson.com "The Honey Jar", a couple's conversation starter can be downloaded for a fee from http://www.honeyjarcommunications.com Peggy L. Ferguson, Ph.D. is a therapist in private practice in Stillwater, OK. She is also a writer, trainer, and consultant.

Are Your Communication Habits Saving Or Sinking Your Marriage?

Tue, 10 Nov 2009 20:27:23 -0500

Being in a committed relationship is something that most people prize. The majority of Americans people believe that they will marry and stay married. When you ask people what they want from their marriage, they list trust, love, respect, honesty, faithfulness. The bottom line is that they just want "to be happy" in their marriage. But what does that really mean? Many couples that come in for counseling say they have love, respect, honesty, commitment, and faithfulness (as well as other positive characteristics), but that one or both is just not happy. What does it take for a marriage to be a happy one? What keeps couples happy in marriage? Most people have some understanding of the need to feel loved, and to communicate with each other. Many people understand that to feel loved, to communicate meaningfully with each other, that they must spend some time together focused on the relationship. Distressed couples come into counseling knowing that they need "quality time together" and communication, but don't know how to accomplish it. They may have made some attempts, but continued to frustrated without an accurate roadmap on how to accomplish it. **End Summary** Topics: intimacy]]> emotional intimacy]]> marital intimacy]]> marital intimacy problems]]> marital problems]]> marital intimacy problems]]> couple communication]]> communication g]]>]]> About the Author: ]]> The website of Dr. Peggy L. Ferguson, Ph.D., LADC, LMFT, has a number of free resources for couples. http://www.peggyferguson.com/ Click here to download "The Honey Jar" http://www.honeyjarcommunications.com Peggy Ferguson is an alcohol/drug counselor and marriage counselor in private practice in Stillwater, OK. She is also a writer, trainer, and consultant.

How Family Members Change With Addiction in the Family

Tue, 10 Nov 2009 16:41:45 -0500

Family members are often confused about the parts that they plan in the family dynamics of addiction. They are confused about how they can end up acting outside their own value system and end up not liking themselves. The answer is that alcoholism and other drug addiction is a disease that affects the entire family. Addiction takes a toll on each family member, not just the addict. As the addict gets more and more involved in the addiction, the chemical comes to take center place in his or her life. In the process, the addict's life gets smaller and focused in on getting the drug, using it, and recovering from its use. Family members also find that their focus gets more and more narrowly tuned in on the addict and his/her substance abuse. Individual and family dynamics of addiction take a predictable course of progression. As the addict applies chemical coping to a broader spectrum of life's problems, amount, frequency, tolerance, and negative consequences all increase. Some of the negative consequences that begin to occur are family conflicts, anger and hurt feelings, and relationship problems. **End Summary** Topics: Alanon]]> codependent]]> family dynamics]]> drug addiction]]> family alcoholism]]> family addiction help]]>]]> About the Author: ]]> "Ask Peggy" is a column on the website of Peggy L. Ferguson, Ph.D., http://www.peggyferguson.com/AskPeggy.en.html A number of other resources on addiction and family dynamics of addiction and recovery are available on Dr. Ferguson's website at http://www.peggyferguson.com

Addiction and Recovery: Effectively Structure Your Time To Prevent Relapse

Sun, 08 Nov 2009 17:15:30 -0500

Most people have routines and organizing structures in their lives that help provide stability. An addict's lifestyle is often one of chaotic instability and disorganization. A general lack of structure and routine contribute to this disorganization. The usual structuring factors of work, routines for personal and family responsibilities, and predictable eating and sleeping habits may be missing. This general lack of structure and organization helps to create the general chaos that exists in the daily life of an addict. One of the benefits of inpatient treatment is the structure that it provides to the addict in early recovery. The order and structure of the program itself, with its regimented wakeup time, limited time for breakfast service, daily morning meetings, and expected consistent daily attendance of sessions. The newly recovering person is called upon to sleep at night, and be awake and engaged during the day when treatment personnel are available and presenting recovery materials and services. There are also rules about when the person can leave the treatment center and where they can go. After leaving inpatient treatment, the person in early recovery is called upon to create the ongoing structure in their daily lives. **End Summary** Topics: addiction and recovery]]> addiction recovery]]> Stillwater OK]]> relapse prevention]]> triggers]]> cravings]]> rehab]]> inpatient treatment addiction]]> continuing care]]>]]> About the Author: ]]> The website of Peggy L. Ferguson, Ph.D., has a number of resources available for those seeking recovery from addictions, http://www.peggyferguson.com Ebooks on preventing relapse are also available for purchase and download at http://www.peggyferguson.com/ServicesProvided.en.htmlPeggy L. Ferguson, Ph.D., LADC, LMFT is a private practice marriage/family therapist and alcohol/drug counselor in Stillwater OK, and a writer, consultant, and trainer.

Why Simple Attention To Communication Can Help Solve Marriage Problems

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 21:42:36 -0500

The ability to convey love, affection, and commitment rests on the ability to effectively communicate and problem solve. Without appropriate communication, relationships struggle to maintain the affection, the connection, and the sense of belonging and acceptance that are so important to all individuals. It is easy to understand how important attending to your marriage is, when about half of all marriages end in divorce. A marriage that attends to the needs of each partner for happiness, is one that has a higher probability of persisting over time. The least vulnerable marriage is one in which both partners are satisfied. Both partners in a marriage must be happy or the marriage is vulnerable. One of the major causes of divorce is conflict and ineffective communication/problem solving. Another is infidelity. There is help and resolution for both issues. People often believe that they communicate well. However, when emotions are intense, that may not be the case. You cannot really be communicating well when you spend very little time together, and when the time that you do spend is devoid of interaction. **End Summary** Topics: conflict resolution]]> conflict resolution techniques]]> conflict management]]> communication skills]]> effective communication skills]]> importance of communication]]>]]> About the Author: ]]> A multitude of resources are available to you on the website of Peggy L. Ferguson, Ph.D. at http://www.peggyferguson.com You can also sign up for Dr. Ferguson's Newsletter there. To download (for purchase) The Honey Jar, a couple's communication exercise, go to http://www.honeyjarcommunications.com Peggy L. Ferguson, Ph.D. is a therapist in private practice in Stillwater, OK. She is also a writer, trainer, and consultant.

Suggestions for Staying Married Your First Years As Empty Nesters

Wed, 28 Oct 2009 09:06:29 -0400

Many people experience a tremendous sense of let down around the time of the last child leaving home. One or both parents can feel a loss of identity, a loss of structure or focus, and sense of the family breaking down. One or both can feel lonely and depressed. Each spouse may be trying to unilaterally deal with this novel experience. They may have long ago stopped confiding in each other about their inner experiences and may feel foolish or fearful of sharing what they are going through with their partner. The marriage may have been focused on raising kids and the identity of "Us" may have only included the parents and kids, having lost the sense of "us" as a marital partnership years ago. The shared sense of "us" as a team or a couple may be gone. Each may feel alienated from the other partner. Now that the kids are gone, they may develop a heightened sense of awareness of each other and feel awkward, not knowing what the other is thinking or feeling, and wondering if he/she is as lost. **End Summary** Topics: empty nest]]> communication games exercises]]> emotional intimacy]]> marital intimacy problems]]> marital problems]]> intimacy problems]]> marital communication]]> marital]]>]]> About the Author: ]]> The website of Dr. Peggy L. Ferguson, Ph.D., has a number of free resources for couples, like the article above. Access it through http://www.peggyferguson.com/ Instructions on how to have Feelings Meetings can be found there. To purchase and download The Honey Jar, conversation starter cards, go to http://www.honeyjarcommunications.com Peggy Ferguson is a therapist in private practice in Stillwater, OK, a writer, a trainer, and a consultant.

What You Don't Know About Conflict Communication Can Kill Your Marriage

Fri, 23 Oct 2009 16:47:56 -0400

Marital happiness is something that most people expect to achieve in their lives. Love, respect, honesty, and faithfulness are some attributes that many people believe will lead to a happy marriage. But what does that really mean? Many couples that come in for counseling say they have love, respect, honesty, commitment, and faithfulness (as well as other positive characteristics), but that one or both are just not happy. What makes for a happy marriage? A missing ingredient may be "meaningful interaction". While couples may be spending time with each other routinely, most couples neglect to nurture their relationship regularly. The demand for attention seems to be highest when one or both partners feel less important, less loved, and less secure in the relationship. It takes on a different level of importance when partners do not feel loved or valued. The need for active engagement and nurturance of the relationship is apparent when a partner complains that they "do not communicate" and do not spend enough "quality" time together They often already know the problem and presumably how to fix it, but cannot seem to get started with enacting their solution. **End Summary** Topics: marriage problems]]> communication in marriage]]> communication problems]]> relationship problems]]> marital intimacy problems]]>]]> About the Author: ]]> If you are trying to restore marital happiness, the educational resources on the website of Peggy L. Ferguson, Ph.D., are available to you. To access this information go to http://www.peggyferguson.com "The Honey Jar" couple communication exercise is also available for download (for purchase) at http://www.honeyjarcommunications.com Dr. Ferguson is a therapist in private practice in Stillwater, OK, and a writer, trainer, and consultant.

How To Improve Marital Communication By Simply Using "The Honey Jar"

Tue, 20 Oct 2009 23:01:13 -0400

Is your relationship lacking the romance that you are yearning for? There are some simple things you can do today to revitalize the energy and intimacy of your relationship. Are the two of you drifting apart? Is your marriage lifeless? Is it on automatic pilot. Don't resign yourself to the idea that it's "normal" to not have anything to talk about, or that it was only a matter of time before you stopped having fun together. You can rekindle the spark. Structured and semi-structured communication exercises can be the vehicle for the desired changes in your marriage. Negative feelings like boredom, and negative perceptions, like believing that you are being taken for granted, creates a climate where marital difficulties are more likely to arise. We have all heard about the ounce of prevention that is much better than the pound of "cure". Your relationship can be revitaized by improving your communication. Good communication can go a long way to restoring your positive feelings about each other. When you step up your communication efforts, your sense of partnership can be restored. Interest in each other can increase? **End Summary** Topics: communication skills]]> effective communication skills]]> communication games exercises]]> The Honey Jar]]> Peggy L. Ferguson Ph.D.]]> conflict resolution]]> marital sa]]>]]> About the Author: ]]> The relationship resources available on the website of Peggy L. Ferguson, Ph.D., are available at http://www.peggyferguson.com . You can also sign up for Dr. Ferguson's Newsletter there. "The Honey Jar" is available for purchase and download at http://www.honeyjarcommunications.com Peggy L. Ferguson, Ph.D. is a therapist in private practie in Stillwater, OK, and a writer, trainer, and consultant.