The Cyber Narcissist

To the narcissist, the Internet is an alluring and irresistible combination of playground and searching grounds, the gathering place of numerous potential Sources of Narcissistic Supply, a world where false identities are the norm and mind games the bon ton. And it is beyond the reach of the law, the pale of social norms, the strictures of civilized conduct.

The somatic finds cyber-sex and cyber-relationships aplenty. The cerebral claims false accomplishments, pretend skills, erudition and talents. Both, if minimally communicative, end up at the instantly gratifying epicenter of a cult of fans, followers, stalkers, erotomaniacs, denigrators, and plain nuts. The constant attention and attendant quasi-celebrity feed and sustain their grandiose fantasies and inflated self-image.

The Internet is an extension of the $64000-life Narcissistic Pathological House however while not its risks, injuries, and disappointments. In the virtual universe of the Web, the narcissist vanishes and reappears with ease, often adopting a myriad aliases and nicknames. He (or she) will thus fend off criticism, abuse, disagreement, and disapproval effectively and in real time - and, simultaneously, preserve the precarious balance of his infantile personality. Narcissists are, so, susceptible to Web addiction.

The positive characteristics of the Net are largely lost on the narcissist. He is not keen on expanding his horizons, fostering true relationships, or obtaining in real contact with alternative people. The narcissist is forever the provincial because he filters everything through the slender lens of his addiction. He measures others - and idealizes or devalues them - according to at least one criterion solely: how useful they might be as Sources of Narcissistic Supply.

The Net is an egalitarian medium where people are judged by the consistency and quality of their contributions rather than by the content or bombast of their claims. But the narcissist is driven to distracting discomfiture by an absence of clear and commonly accepted hierarchy (with himself at the head). He fervently and aggressively tries to impose the "natural order" - either by monopolizing the interaction or, if that fails, by becoming a serious disruptive influence.

But the Web may conjointly be the closest many narcissists get to psychodynamic therapy. As a result of it's still largely text-based mostly, the Net is populated by disembodied entities. By interacting with these intermittent, unpredictable, ultimately unknowable, ephemeral, and ethereal voices - the narcissist is compelled to project unto them his own experiences, fears, hopes, and prejudices.

Transference (and counter-transference) are quite common on the Internet and also the narcissist's defence mechanisms - notably projection and projective identification - are frequently aroused. The therapeutic process is ready in motion by the - unbridled, uncensored, and brutally honest - reactions to the narcissist's repertory of antics, pretensions, delusions, and fantasies.

The narcissist - ever the intimidating bully - is not accustomed to such resistance. Initially, it may heighten and sharpen his paranoia and lead him to compensate by extending and deepening his grandiosity. Some narcissists withdraw altogether, reverting to the schizoid posture. Others become openly antisocial and look for to subvert, sabotage, and destroy the online sources of their frustration. A few retreat and confine themselves to the company of adoring sycophants and unquestioning groupies.

However a long exposure to the culture of the Web - irreverent, skeptical, and populist - typically exerts a helpful result even on the staunchest and most rigid narcissist. Way less convinced of his own superiority and infallibility, the net narcissist mellows and begins - hesitantly - to concentrate to others and to collaborate with them.