Surviving Infidelity: Breaking The Chain

Relevance Info Services, an international publisher of quality information, approached me as an expert in relationship issues with the question if I could evaluate a number of websites that offer methods and tips for saving relationships and prevent a divorce. The fact is that, with respect for all the well meant kind of information,, there are many offerings on the internet that are not based upon psychological principals. A lot of the presented materials cause more harm than any good. It is not composed by experts and thats certainly not what you want. If you are in serious trouble the situation demands a professional approach by people that are very experienced in solving relationship issues.

This article is about Surviving Infidelity. More articles will follow about related subjects.


Infidelity is defined as any violation whether physical, sexual or emotional of the rules that were agreed upon by two people as boundaries for their relationship. Infidelity is a significant breach of the faith and trust by a partner; it is a betrayal of the values that were once created by the couple. In plain terms, infidelity is the act of unfaithfulness by a husband or a wife. And yes, it does inflict pain, not only to the spouse who has to endure the betrayal, but also to anyone involved in the situation. Infidelity hurts many, so how do we avoid and survive it?

In order to survive infidelity, you must first know the different types of infidelity so that you can understand what you are facing.

Five Types of Infidelity

1.Opportunistic infidelity happens when a partner or lover is in love and attached to a spouse or to a lover, but then surrenders or expresses their sexual desire for someone else. These circumstances increase when the partner or lover is driven by situational or risk-taking behavior.

2.Obligatory infidelity occurs when one partner often avoids, refuses or denies the others sexual advances, which can eventually lead to feelings of insecurity, unworthiness and rejection. The spouse experiencing the rejection might turn to cheating, simply out of the need for approval and acceptance, despite the fact they may still hold a strong intimate attraction for their spouse.

3.Romantic infidelity happens when the partner who cheated has fallen out of love with his/her spouse or partner.

4.Conflicted romantic infidelity occurs when a person has fallen in love with another partner or partners with whom they are romantically and/or sexually involved, while still retaining a strong sexual desire and love for their spouse.

5.Commemorative infidelity happens when the person has completely fallen out of love with their spouse or partner, yet they are still in a committed relationship with them.


So now you know the types of infidelity, but what can you do about them? One way of handling problems within a marriage or an actual betrayal by you or your spouse is to make an appointment with a marriage counselor. If you are unsure about a possible betrayal by your spouse, it is wise to seek professional help to better learn how you might address and overcome the problem. Knowing what is at the root of the crisis will not only help you survive infidelity but also help you learn to work out any differences and issues with your partner, which can result in a more open, trusting and infidelity free marriage.

Another way would be to spend more quality time together. Talk about similarities rather than differences. Have more us time rather than having separate times. Listen very intently to what the other partner wants and needs and discuss these wants and desires with your partner rather than talking to a friend or family member about it instead. If you need to talk to a third party, use a marriage counselor as mentioned above.