Surviving A Suicide Loss - Anger

Anger after a death by suicide isn't uncommon. Many survivors struggle with how to work through it, even wondering if it will ever be resolved. Hopefully something in this article will work for you.

A Christian survivor recently emailed me and said, "I feel like I'm losing management of this extremely sturdy anger and sorrow that I feel." If you are feeling that same means, let me try to help you.

First, I might like to create a suggestion... get alone somewhere when you've got some hours to 'be a mess'. Take a notebook with you and make notes of vital things you would like to log. Date it and from at the moment forward you will write in it daily. This can be healing for you and can begin your new direction in the HEALING process. You've got allowed grief to 'take residence' with you. It's planted itself deep within you and currently you have got to evict it.

Grief is a tunnel we tend to walk through, not an area to camp out and set up an address. After you settled in, grief planted itself in you. Now you have got to uproot it. Gather your things and move to a brand new address. Will that make sense to you?

1st, talk to Jesus... you'll try this all by yourself. Repent for the anger and deep grief and raise Him to assist you rid yourself of it. Being hurt, crying, missing them, etc. may be a traditional part of what we have a tendency to have to figure through. However you've got allowed grief to require over your life, that's the difference- that's what you're repenting for. And for the anger. Close your eyes and picture yourself laying all of your garbage at the foot of the cross. Then picture yourself walking aloof from it, never to pick it up again. Tell the Lord that you are choosing life (within the Bible God said, 'I set before you life and death, opt for life') therefore you're choosing life, and you're going to get the anger and therefore the grief down on purpose. Once you see yourself walk away from it, it will do one thing on the inside of you... you may see.

An aside here: When I was in the most troublesome part of my pain after Rob died, I was praying one night... it had been one of these nights that I told the Lord, "You have to help me through tonight or I will not build it." He gave me some instructions that I followed, and it did wonders on behalf of me! I closed my eyes and pictured myself crawling up on His lap. Then I pictured Him holding me as I wept. I cried until I used to be spent, and then I saw Him hug me. I pictured myself thanking Him and leaving. Words cannot make a case for what that did. That is how you "provide it to God."

Most adults have this mistaken concept that our imagination is meant for childhood only. God gave us an imagination therefore we have a tendency to will dream, reach higher, create changes, grow..... and even heal. Most people that are really successful in life (movie stars, the wealthy, those with great accomplishments) use this same technique to push themselves higher. The world calls it the law of attraction. The Bible tells us "As a person thinketh in his heart, so is he." You have to "see" it before you can do/be it. Jesus preached it for several years before the world renamed it "The Law of Attraction".

Currently the next step is to understand that anger is a choice. Folks cannot create you mad unless you let them. Therefore that cuts off the blaming others. Once the ball is one hundred% in your court, and only you're accountable for it.... freedom can come! If there is nobody however you that is responsible, then YOU will change it. I used to tell my daughters, "why let gossip trouble you? If it isn't true, ignore them. Would you get mad if someone unfold a story that your skin was blue." "No, because it's not." "Well, if what they're saying is not true, why would you own it through anger? Let it roll off in the same method you'd if they were saying you are here from mars." It isn't what they do that brings the anger on. It's OUR RESPONSE to them. Therefore you wish to choose to act, not react.

As far as being angry with the one that suicided, that is understandable. As survivors our lives were drastically modified forever, and we tend to had no vote in the matter. Finding a healthy way to work through that anger is very important to your healing. Generally people are angry at the case, however they don't have anywhere to 'aim' that anger so they get angry at others. Sort out what you really feel, and why.

Example: when you're feeling anger building, stop and kind it out. What's the important root of this anger? Is it hurt? Rejection? Fear? Am I angry at something that is not connected to the real root of the problem? Dig deep and find the answer, then you have a place to begin therefore you can resolve it.

In resolving anger toward the one that suicided or hating how your life has modified, you've got to start to accept that this is how it is now. It's not honest, but it's still your reality. It is a method and will take it slow and exhausting work, however it will be value it. You have to remind yourself that their thinking was not rational when they took their life, and select to forgive them for what it's done to alter your life.

Typically we have a tendency to're angry with the case, not the person, we tend to simply don't know where to direct that kind of anger.

Like all the other problems in the aftermath of a suicide, it is a matter of processing it and accepting that this is how it is now and you can't go back. Solely then will we begin to appear to our future and stop clinging to yesterday's. Dig deep, notice the fight in you, and reclaim your life. YOU are worth it!