Step Parenting: Suggestions For Common Child Custody Questions And Concerns

Being a great step parent to your step child will help bring your new family closer together, and make for a harmonious home life. Many times step parents have questions about how to deal with child custody and other issues. Often, there are more "don'ts" than "do's" when it comes to step parenting. Consider the following as you integrate your new spouse's child or children into your life. Hopefully these suggestions will help answer some of your custody questions.

Don't discuss child support payments or the lack thereof with your step children. Whether you are the side that has to pay, or the side that needs to be paid, your step child has no control over the timing or amount of child support.

Do: Be involved, and express an interest in the child's activities. Go to sports events or recitals, attend school events and parties, and be on hand if your step child needs you.

Don't put down your step child's "other" parent. Ever.

Do: Be a reliable adult in your step child's life. While step parents can be portrayed in a bad light in books or movies, real live step mothers and fathers usually add to a child's life. Having another trusted adult to rely on can only help your step child as he or she develops.

Don't expect to be instantly accepted. Even if you had a great relationship with your step child while you were dating your new spouse, living together can be a huge adjustment, and some kids take longer to warm up than others.

Do: Include your step children in "family" activities. This is particularly important if you and your new spouse have children together as well. Even if your step child is only with you "part time", include them in family events and holidays. Treat "your" children the same as your step children. In a blended family, all kids should be expected to follow the same rules, and be treated the same way.

Don't be in charge of discipline or rule setting. You should work with your new spouse to determine the rules of your home, but let your spouse be the one to relay the rules, and to lay down punishments if there is a problem.

Do: Find something nice to say about the child's other parent. Even if it is simple "I know they love you so much", having a positive attitude about the child's bio parent can keep your step child from feeling conflicted or caught in the middle.

Don't expect mature reactions from children. Even if your step kids are teens, they still have childlike reactions to some things, and can be unreasonable at times. Every kid has good days and bad, and be prepared to deal with both.