Single parents, I am talking to Moms and Dads, make sure you deal with the guilt between you and God and you and your ex-spouse, that you don't pour it on your children. Make sure you do that. And also make sure, if you are going to mess up, mess up on the side of being too strict, not just, "Well, if it feels good do it. Highway robbery, whatever."
Now getting off the pause button and going back to the blended family. That is why in many circumstances with the blended family you have children who run the show. Why? Because they ran the show when Mom and Dad were single and the blended family happened and they think they can run the show again. You have got to establish that authority. You talk to any band member, any player in an orchestra, they will tell you that someone has to call the shots. It has got to be Mom and Dad presenting a unified front, being co-conductors.
Number two. I am going quicker now. Don't use your children as relational ammunition. That is the second thing, parents. We have live ammunition all around us, our children. They are like little bullets and arrows and we take them and fire them at the other family. Pow. And it just tears them apart. We just use them over and over and over again. Don't use your children, Moms and Dads, as relational ammunition.
Number three. I told you we are cruising. Respect their routines. Establish your own routines, blended family, new routines. Also respect the routines of the other family and especially be sensitive during the holiday shuffle. The holiday shuffle. The kids flying from this destination to that destination, here for a week, there for a week. Be sensitive to that. And also parents, a little extra credit work, do as much as you can to enhance your child's relationship with your ex-spouse. If you have a problem with the ex-spouse don't tell your child something like this: "Well your Dad's just a jerk. That's why we got a divorce anyway." If you have a problem, if he is being a jerk, talk to him, talk to him about it, don't use your child. Now let's talk to the children and we will be out of here. Children. The first thing, children, that you have to do is, you have got to understand this whole game, you have got to understand even though, even though you don't have both of your biological parents that you still have to accept that authority base. And having said all of that, you have got to quit blaming yourself, you hear that, for your parents' breakup, for the divorce. Children don't blame yourself. Don't play that blame game because it will kill you. And again, I have counseled too many teenagers and they tell me, "Ed, you know, if only I would have behaved better, if only I could have brought Mom and Dad together, then they wouldn't be divorced today." It is not true, It is not your fault. It is their fault, they are adults. So don't play the blame game.
Ed Young Church tells us that number two, children, refuse to be used. I'm talking about relational espionage. Some parents send the child off, and then interrogate the child upon his or her return. "Did Daddy have a girl friend?" "Has Mommy gotten a job yet?" Don't take part in relational espionage. The adults should be talking to each other.
And finally, the last thing, accept their choice. Accept their choice of a new spouse. Accept it. It is not going to give you any brownie points or any great trophies for you to berate your parent's new mate. That is not going to help.
We have talked today about the blended family. I want you to stop right now, no one moving or stirring and I want you to have your eyes fixed on these different instruments right here. I mean have them fixed because we are going to bring out this typical, traditional blended family again and see what they sound like because they have heard the message, they have applied these truths and principles. Dad. Mom. Dad's children. Mom's children.
