Short Funny Quotes About Life

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Here is a great collection of funny quotes about life such as: I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying. It is very true that the shortest words and funny quotes have the wisdom of life inside of them.

Reporter: Tell me, how did you find America? John Lennon: Turned left at Greenland.

A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain.

"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."

Funny quotes about life - A gentleman is a man who can play the accordion but doesn't.

People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant.

I'm trying to read a book on how to relax, but I keep falling asleep.

'There's no reason to become alarmed, and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight. By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?'

Funny quotes about life - "In politics, if you want anything said ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman."

All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific

Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end.

A comedian does funny things. A good comedian does things funny.

An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.

'The key here, I think, is to not think of death as an end. But, but, think of it more as a very effective way of cutting down on your expenses.'

Funny quotes - "Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."

For two people in a marriage to live together day after day is unquestionably the one miracle the Vatican has overlooked.

An expert is a man who tells you a simple thing in a confused way in such a fashion as to make you think the confusion is your own fault

Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny.

It's 106 miles to Chicago, we've got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark, and we're wearing sunglasses.

Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.

An economist is a surgeon with an excellent scalpel and a rough-edged lancet, who operates beautifully on the dead and tortures the living.


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Funny quotes - The best place that will make you smile with these really Funny quotes about life.



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