Relationship Advice: The Pro's And Con's Of Cohabitation

Many couples decide to live together instead of getting married or live together before marriage as a trial. Some experts say that cohabitation will result in an increase of divorce while others say that living together before marriage could be beneficial. You should make your decision after researching the pros and cons of cohabitation, and establishing rules with your partner.

Positives

You can split the rent. It could save you a lot of money over time and is convenient if you already sleep over at each other's apartments most nights of the week.

You have the time to figure out if you could live with your partner forever. You don't know every annoyance about a person until you live with them.

You could save yourself from a potential divorce in the future by figuring out if your relationship has staying power.

You can take the time to learn more about each other and figure out how to fix differences in living style. This gives the couple time to decide how chores and financial responsibilities will be divided.

If you don't have the resources to get married but you want to spend your lives together until you have the resources, this is a convenient solution.

You can end a long-distance relationship without jumping into marriage. Moving in with your partner after moving to another city, state, or country can make the transition seem easier.

Negatives

Some people who cohabitate do not consider divorce as serious as people who refuse to live together before marriage.

If your reason for cohabitation is a lack of commitment to get married, it can be considered negative.

The couple could end up getting married for the wrong reasons such as family pressure or pregnancy.

Your parents or family may not approve of cohabitation. They may want you to get married or wait to live together until you're married. This could cause family conflict.

One partner may become financially dependent on the other.

One partner may expect that marriage will occur in the future and may get more hurt if it doesn't happen.

Here are some rules that you should consider if you decide to live together before marriage or instead of marriage:

1. Clearly outline the expectations of the relationship. Communicate about the expectations of living together. Is this a trial run for marriage for both of you? Are you living together for convenience?
2. Talk to your family about the reasons that you're moving in together and let them know your expectations.
3. Make a timeline for marriage. If you're living together to see if you want to take the next step of marriage, set a specific date that you'll make the decision. At that time you should both decide if you are ready to commit to marriage.
4. Establish rules for the property. If you break up, who gets to take over the lease or who continues to live in the house? This is an important piece of information that many couples forget to discuss.
5. Determine the financial obligations of each person. Who will pay the rent? Who will pay the utilities and the grocery bill? Does one person make more money than the other and will this factor into the financial obligations?
6. Keep separate checking accounts. If you break up in the future, you'll want your own money. This will help decrease disputes in case of a break up.
7. Contribute to a shared checking account for rent and utilities.
8. Don't make big purchases together. If you want a new couch for the living room, one person should buy it with their money. If you break up, then the person who bought the couch could keep it without argument.
9. Don't allow either partner to become financially dependent on the other. If you decide that marriage is not in your future, you want to have the resources to move on.
10. Decide what will happen in case of pregnancy. Will you get married? If not, how will you raise your children? Which partner will have custody of the children in case of a break up?
11. Communicate monthly about any changes in the cohabitation rules. Make sure that each partner is still satisfied with the rules that are set out. Write them down, so the guidelines are clearly stated for both partners to review.