Relationship Advice: Don't Allow Anger To Ruin Your Relationship

Have you ever noticed that when you become angry about something you usually take it out on the people you care about the most? Read this scenario for example: Sara has a difficult day at work, because she had to let two hardworking employees go due to the economy. She got stuck in traffic for over an hour on her way home because there was an accident on the highway. Sara finally arrives home to realize that her husband forgot to take out the trash the night before. Instead of reminding him about the trash, Sara picks a fight that turns into yelling and name calling and ends with her husband sleeping on the couch. Sara was upset about a work situation and traffic and didn't have an outlet for her feelings.

You can probably think back on a time that you were mad about something specific and started a fight with someone unrelated to what you were originally angry about. Usually we take out our anger on loved ones, because it's safe. We know that our loved ones will forgive us if we yell at them. However, bosses, friends, and strangers wouldn't be so forgiving. How can you find an outlet for your feelings instead of bottling them up until you explode on someone that you care about? Test out the following techniques to see which ones work for you:

1. Take breaks during the day. Many people rush through their day without stopping to eat a balanced meal. We all need time to recharge, especially during stressful, hectic days. Find time in your day to relax, eat, or do something that you enjoy. If you know that you're going to have a difficult, two hour meeting, schedule ten minutes after the meeting for alone time.

1. Practice yoga. This form of exercise that focuses on the breath will help you to relax during the week. Try to fit in thirty to sixty minutes of yoga two or three times a week. See if it makes a difference for you.

1. Learn meditation. Center yourself on a daily basis with meditation. Start by practicing meditation once a day for five minutes and increase the amount of time as you go. Meditation can help with anger issues, anxiety, and depression. Once you've practiced how to meditate in a comfortable place at home, you can use the skills learned during a long work day.

4. Talk to someone. Do you have someone in your life that you can talk to about the rotten things that happen or feelings that you struggle with? Talk to close friends, family, or a therapist about things that trigger your anger.

5. Know your triggers. You should make an effort to learn what triggers your feelings of anger. Do you always get angry when you feel stupid, have to sit in traffic, talk to your mother on the phone, have a meeting with your boss, or feel like you're not good enough? Find out what makes you the angriest, so you can understand the reasons behind your feelings.

6.Combat irrational thinking. Our thoughts trigger our emotions which then trigger our behaviors. If we have irrational thoughts (which everyone does on a daily basis), then the behavior that occurs can be irrationally based.

For example, Bill is standing on a fairly crowded subway. A woman walks by him and bumps into him without saying excuse me. Bill thinks that the woman walked into to him on purpose, so he begins to get upset. He mumbles something under his breath. In this situation, the woman could have tripped or lost her footing on the moving subway. She might have been weighed down by shopping bags and not even realized that she bumped into another passenger. If Bill had stopped to think that the woman probably didn't bump into him on purpose, he might not have been in a bad mood when he got home from work.

Each time you have a thought that leads you to feel anger take time to evaluate the thought for rational thinking. Do you feel angry that you boyfriend didn't call you because you think he forgot about you? Think about other reasons that he may not have called. His cell phone battery might have died or his meeting at work might have run longer than expected. Wait until you know the real reason before getting upset.

Feeling angry on a regular basis can be stressful and lead to depression, violence, or the end of relationships. Try to decrease your amount of anger by implementing the techniques listed above. If you feel that you need more help dealing with your anger, seek the help of a therapist in your area.