Parterapi (couples Therapy) - Working To Make Marriage Work Out.

Denmark, the little country of 6 million souls at the very northern tip of Europe, is known for bacon, cheese and the little mermaid. Not so well known is that nearly 1 out of every 5 Danish school children has two addresses and often 2 sets of parents. Separation and divorce are an everyday experience for huge segments of the Danish population.

No wonder, then, that the numbers of Danish couples participating in couples therapy or Parterapi, as it is called in Danish, is large and steadily growing. Most families have by now become aware of the pain, frustration and waste of time, money and effort caused by a relationship gone wrong and many have decided to try and do something about it, to work hard at finding a better solution than just breaking up.

Here's how it works: The couple meets with the therapist for one and half hours once a week or every 10 days, often after work. Another option is working in groups of 4-5 couples, usually with the presence of 2 therapists, one male, one female. Groups of couples meet and work, learning through practice and by watching other couples work, how to improve their own relationship. Usually, after 3-5 sessions, things start to change - often for the better.

The two key factors that are addressed in couples therapy, aside from any specific individual problems such as e.g. alcoholism, physical violence or drug abuse, are awareness and communication. By awareness is meant an increase and sharpening of consciousness about what we do, how we do it and the consequences of what we do, to each other and to ourselves. Working in Parterapi on increasing awareness involves training and exercises, often simple and quite straightforward, with surprising results and many "ah-ha" experiences for both participants and onlookers.

Training and practice in increased awareness can encompass e.g. paying attention to bodily signals such as breathing, sweating, blushing, heartbeat or to avoidance behavior e.g. silence, workaholism. Most people find that their range of awareness is quite limited and that with increased awareness they are better able to attend to many signals from their partner that they either didn't notice, ignored or didn't understand.

Practice and training in communication involves learning (or re-learning) how to listen effectively and how to respond respectfully and adequately. Learning not to respond to the feeling of being attacked by resorting to excuses or apologies is a major step for many people. Practice in using the first person pronoun "I", instead of "One" or "They" and appreciating the improved reactions from other people is a real eye opener for most people undergoing a course of therapy.