Overwhelmed: Is Your Life Full-filled Or Just Filled?

Raise your hand if you feel like your life is out of control.

I had the great joy of talking with a woman this week who is feeling exactly the same way. She is a working, single mom, attending grad school and trying to hold it all together. We were able to talk about the logistics of having three teenage boys in various sports layered against her demanding schedule and guess who got squeezed out? That's right, her.

It's typical, but it's not a way to live a fulfilled life, that's just a FILLED life. So how do you find time for you, to fill yourself up so that you are living a FULFILLED life instead? Well, it starts with a shift of your priorities.

Step 1: Take the time to sit quietly with a piece of paper and a pen and write down all the priorities in your life - not the to-do list, not the goals, but the big picture things. Think in terms of what you want to be known for, even if they are priorities you shelved because they don't fit your current schedule. Then you are going to circle your top 3.

And for you Moms out there, being a "great mom" will probably be on your list but I want you to consider two things: 1) That's not specific enough, and 2) you are not going to be a bad mom (or a failure) if that doesn't make your top three. If motherhood is one of your top three, specify what type of mother you want to be: "Be fully present and engaged in my kids' lives" is different than "Be the place of comfort and peace for my kids." And the demands on your time will be different - one demands face time and the other requires letting your kids go out into the world on their own, and then using that time to prepare yourself for when they come back to you.

Step 2: Say NO. Now that you have your priorities in front of you, they become your measuring stick for all new activities, requests, your goals, your obligations, etc. Knowing your top three priorities puts you back in control of your life. When you are asked to help run the nursery at church for the next year, you can look to see - does this fit with my priorities? Remember, you are doing this exercise because your life is already too full so stop saying YES out of guilt or obligation.

Step 3: Ask for help. It gives a gift to the person who steps forward to help. Too often we assume that no one is willing or able to help because we have not asked! If you need to find a ride home for your kids after their practices or games, personally call every other parent for the team and in a non-emotional tone explain that you have a scheduling conflict and need help getting your child home on Tuesday nights. Can they help? And ask EVERY person, not just the ones you've waved Hi to in the parking lot. You do not know who will rise up to be your champion until you ask.

Make a list of the areas of your life that you need help with and then ask for it. And your help might be making an arrangement with your spouse to take something OFF your plates by paying someone else to do it — house cleaning, yard work, painting the siding, etc. Some things are just worth the time you will get back and the stress relief you will feel.


Copyright (c) 2011 Kim Schuld