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Laugh Till You Cry

By: Aazdak Alisimo..

Whatever you are doing at this very moment can be made better by a bit of laughter. Okay, probably not heart surgery, but you get the idea. So without further delay, it is time to laugh to these quotes, thoughts and ramblings.

Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac. - George Carlin

Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana...The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two, but can't remember what they are. - Matt Lauer

I sold my house this week. I got a pretty good price for it, but it made my landlord mad as hell. - Garry Shandling

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a redhot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity. - Albert Einstein

I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell? - Homer J. Simpson

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was. She said if she told me it would defeat the purpose. - Dennis Miller

A hippie is someone who looks like Tarzan, walks like Jane and smells like Cheetah. - Ronald Reagan

The reason women don't play football is because eleven of them would never wear the same outfit in public. - Phyllis Diller

I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix. - Dan Quayle

My cousin just died. He was only 19. He got stung by a bee - the natural enemy of a tightrope walker. - Dan Rather

We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There's just one problem - it's in North Korea. - Jon Stewart

Its been a rough day. I got up this morning .... put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom. - Rodney Dangerfield

If we knew what we were doing, it wouldn't be called research, would it? - Albert Einstein

Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers. - Homer Simpson

Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes we want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon. - Tim Allen

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About the Author:
Aazdak Alisimo likes a good laugh just like anyone else, particularly funny quotes updated each and every day at FunnyQuotesDaily.com. You are welcome to reprint this article - but get your own unique content version here.

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