Is Marriage Right For You?

For centuries people have entered into committed relationships through ceremonies that vary from culture to culture. Many of these commitments have different expectations and requirements that are expected to be fulfilled by either partner. Though the details of the type of commitment made can vary from couple to couple, the fundamental idea of committing yourself to that person and to the ideas that you have previously discussed remains basically the same. Some people argue that this state of commitment is unnatural human beings and that to have such an expectation for any couple is unreasonable; others are ready to take their vows from the moment they become interested in relationships and have no difficulty in staying true to their partner. How can a person be sure that they are ready to enter into such an important stage of their life? Perhaps no one person is absolutely sure, but it can be helpful to know how you feel about it and what kind of commitments you are able to make and follow through with:
Knowing whether or not you are able to make the kind of commitment marriage requires can be important even if you find that you are currently not in a serious relationship. Often the very issues that prevent people from wanting to commit, manifest themselves long before the subject of marriage ever comes up. Understanding why you feel the way you do about relationships and how they affect your life can be very important to your happiness. Whether or not you hope to be married someday it is healthy to understand why you either do or do not. Simply following along with what you either believe you should do, or submitting to your fears will not, in all likelihood, make your life a better one.
Many marriages, in recent years, end up in divorce. Percentages ranging in approximately the 30-50% range for twenty to forty year old men and women; showing a dramatic increase in the divorce rate in our society. How can this be? While the answers may not be simple, one constant problem in our society is that people enter into marriage without considering the consequences. Often couples romanticize marriage, without taking the time to think about what it truly means to them as individuals. Understanding your own feelings about such a commitment can help to better prepare you in maintaining a successful relationship and to know whether or not you are capable of making a life-long commitment:
Discussion: If you find that you are unable to have a conversation with your partner, marriage may prove quite difficult for you. There will be many issues that arise during the course of your marriage that you may have no desire to discuss with your partner, but will need to despite your feelings. These issues can range from problems that occur in life and/or the relationship, to simply needing to listen about your partners day. Learning how to have productive, even enjoyable, discussions with your partner is an excellent key to having a successful relationship.
Goals: While you may not be able to determine your future partners goals it can be very helpful to fully understand your own. Having no direction in ones life often makes it difficult to align with others as your goals can newly develop and bring about sudden, sometimes unwelcome, changes in the relationship. In order to have a successful relationship, both partners will most likely have to do some compromising over the years, but to deploy a constant string of unexpected life-goals on your partner may prove too difficult for them to manage.
Sex: One of the largest fears of many people who consider marriage is the idea that they will only be sexual active with one person for the remainder of their lives. While there are some people who have different expectations, this commitment to fidelity is more common amongst married couples and can prove to be a struggle for many individuals. If the idea of having to remain faithful is one that truly frightens you, marriage might not be well suited for your current life-style. Many divorces are the result of an infidelity by one, or both partners; in most cases, people were aware of their tendency toward this kind of behavior before committing themselves and could have prevented the unfortunate situation by simply taking the time to understand what they were or were not capable of committing to. Wanting the freedom to be intimate with whomever you choose is a personal choice, despite whatever pressures you are facing from others, understanding the need to retain this freedom, or being comfortable without it, is essential to making a real commitment.
Family: Whether or not you hope to have children some day, it will, in all likelihood, play a part in your relationship. Perhaps no one can know for certain how they feel about having children until they find the right person to make a life with; however, many people have a fairly good idea about whether or not they hope to include children in their lives and when they think it would be appropriate if they do. This topic may cause some enormous problems in your relationship if you and your partner disagree. Understanding your feelings about having children, along with your partners, will be an important issue to have resolved before making any large commitments.
Home: Big cities or small towns, people all over the world have different ideas about where they call, or would like to call, home. Being forced to live in an environment where you feel uncomfortable can having some serious psychological effects, as well as a few physical ones, on your life. Knowing what kind of living space you hope to have in your future is important and if your partner has some very different ideas about where that space will be, this can cause quite a problem. Taking the time to compare plans for your future residence with your partner may help you to decide whether or not you can see sharing your lives with each other.
Work: Whether youre the most ambitious person that you know, or you hope to skate by doing as little as possible in your life, it is helpful to understand this part of yourself. When sharing your financial and work related plans with your partner it is important to be honest about what will make you happy. Many people who enter into meaningful relationships feel that they must take on responsibilities in order to make their partners happy. While in some cases working hard might bring about a sense of satisfaction, in others it can build resentment and frustration. These problems can manifest themselves in many ways; e.g.: planning to be a homemaker and then feeling unappreciated because your partner is not supportive of the constant, yet unpaid, workload; working for a business that requires a great deal of travel, but feeling guilty because your partner is unhappy with the time spent away; finding employment in a dangerous career in which you feel happy, but your partner is constantly upset. Be sure that your work related goals are those which will make both you and your partner happy before entering into a relationship in which you have to choose between your career and your partner.
Freedom: Perhaps the most important and complicated problem relationships face: how to maintain your freedom and individuality while sharing your life with another person. Though the idea of freedom may vary from person to person, most people hope to maintain what it means to them in some form when entering into marriage. It is the idea of this freedom being taken away which terrifies so many individuals and forces them into a mindset that marriage is a horrible commitment to make. While certain freedoms having to do with sex, finances and how you spend your time, may need to be compromised on, a simple discussion about how you and your partner feel about this issue may help a great deal in relieving your fears about losing it altogether. Before taking the plunge, sit down with your partner and express your concerns about losing the ability to govern your own life; in many cases you will find that, at least, some of your fears are unfounded. If you find that there are issues about which you cannot compromise it is better to know before making a life-long commitment; however, most often you will find that when people truly care about one another they have no wish to control their partners lives and more often simply desire a little consideration.
Knowing who you are well enough to communicate your greatest hopes and worst fears to your partner can be one of the best steps to take before getting married. When asked to commit yourself to another person, you must understand what this means to you before your answer can be an honest one. Though it may be difficult to put romance on hold, taking the time to better know your partner and even more importantly, yourself can help to make your decision the right one.