How We Sabotage Our Own Change

Everyone knows that change is inevitable in life, but no-one enjoys change being imposed. Ironically however, we often resist changes we want to make off our own back. Oh yes, we find strategies to destroy, resist and stall change, EVEN WHERE WE INSIST WE NEED IT, AND SEE IT AS GOOD!

In this article, I will try to deal with the following queries:

Question 1 - In what ways do we resist change?

We each have our own individual ways of resisting change. Here are a few popular ways of resisting. You may recognise them as strategies that you use when faced with change.

More detail needed - I see that change might be beneficial. However, I need more information first, just to be certain. The desire for more detail is a continual procedure, and a superb way to put things off.

It's not as grim - Things aren't as grim as I first thought, so perhaps I don't need to make a change. This is more often referred to as the 'flight to health', and the best example is with married couples who are in difficulty and initially go to marriage therapy. Then, when they arrive there, they agree their relationship isn't as bad as first thought!

Now isn't the right time - I can't begin this diet right now - I have a party to attend next week. Of course, there will always be a reason why this isn't the right time. I am totally committed, but not right now!

The intellectual - The intellectual has plenty of time to discuss approach behind any proposed change, but never gets round to the practicalities of change. In other words, we never shift from thought to acting.

It's the others! - I'm ready to make a change, and if it weren't for those people we could move forward. It's their issue, not my own.

Question 2 - Why do we resist change?

Change undermines our ideas of control and security, leaving us feeling vulnerable. Control loss, vulnerability, and insecurity are emotional responses. But in preference to admitting our emotions, we put up resistance to the change in our own way, using logical argument to explain ourselves both to ourselves and others.

We all resist change using one strategy or another. The danger is that, by using our rational (left-side) brain to explain our emotional resistance leaves our resistance hidden, from ourselves|in our subconscious}. So the step of learning to notice our own resistance, when it kicks in, can be rather helpful - especially when the change in question is one we say we want. Once we've located our own personal resistance, what can we do about it?

Question 3 - What can we do about our own resistance?

Here are six strategies for dealing with our own resistance, based on my work around change, with clients and in my own life.

Work up your vision - Call it mission, vision, goals, or whatever. Set out where you want to go in your work and life. Once you identify this direction, set some goals - that way, you have a timescale for action, and not just a vague intention to do something 'sometime'. Always remember that, if you have no sense of direction, all change is bad news!

Understand your values - Your values are things that are important to you, your moral code\guide. Get clarity on what your values are. Examples of values are achievement, honesty, integrity, decisiveness, and friendship. Being clear on your own values will help you to navigate change, and work through your resistance where required.

The ought / should dilemma - Do you really want change, or is this a change you 'should' or 'ought to' do? If it's ought or should, look at why you view things in this way. Are you thinking about change so as to get a thumbs up from other people? If you don't want to change for your own personal reasons, dump it.

Make a public commitment - When you decide to publicise your intention to change, two things happen. First, events can begin moving in a way that facilitates making the change. It may be coincidence, or it may be an invisible hand in the universe. But whatever it is, many people who make changes successfully say that 'declaring your intent to change' leads to momentum being generated. Second, the people you've told will give you a hard time if you don't follow through on your declaration, resulting in embarrassment. Risk of embarrassment is a great motivator to action!

Think through your beliefs - We all have beliefs on ourselves, e.g. 'I'm useless in formal networking', or 'I am risk averse'. Personal beliefs evolve in our brains, often from our early days, or 'bad experiences'. It's worth critically re-examining beliefs that hold you down. Beliefs are not true or false. They are just your personal beliefs, and you can change them. If you believe your beliefs are correct, then think about the anorexic who believes they are fat. They really do believe that.

Give yourself a break! - Perhaps most importantly, don't go too self-critical on this. It's entirely natural to resist change - we require some stable living in the world after all. As human beings, we generally try to do the best we can. While we can get better, it doesn't make us bad now. So go easy on yourself.

In closing this article, I'll give you one last thought. If you wish to take off to a brilliant future, all you need to do is to stop braking! Reduce your own resistance, and you can be anything you want.