We wouldn't have much in terms of literature, cinema or even world history if there was no such thing as sexual jealousy. Diana Trilling, who wrote a book about the Jean Harris "Scarsdale Diet Doctor" murder case, said that to know it "is to know madness."
Take the case of political aide Emily Miller, who was engaged to her high-powered boss Michael Scanlon -- that is, until Scanlon announced that he was engaged to a manicurist. Miller suddenly became aware of certain illegal liberties that Scanlon had been taking, reported them to the authorities, and the Jack Abramoff political scandal was born. But Scanlon actually got off easy: he paid only with his
political life.
Last month, a man named Michael Feeney called the police to tell them that he'd just shot his ex-wife and her companion to death. He went on to say that though they'd started dating again, she was continuing to see another man, which he defined as " cheating" on him.
While Miller sought revenge and Feeney sought "justice," they both did so with no regard to the consequences it would bring -- especially upon themselves. Miller wasn't motivated by a do-good public interest in cleaning up dirty politics; she just wanted to make Scanlon as unhappy as he'd made her. And even if Feeney and his ex-wife had agreed to date each other exclusively, he DID have the option of walking away.
If you're trying to survive an affair, feeling angry and betrayed and jealous is perfectly natural, normal, and logical. But the way to deal with those feelings IS to deal with them, not avoiding them or suffering in silence. Go right ahead and think about what you believe your cheating partner or spouse "deserves" -- but then take the time to think about a) what would happen to you if you did it in real life; and b) whether the resulting gratification would worth the long-term outcome. Otherwise, it may become natural, normal and logical to you to do what Miller and Feeney did.
And then, of course, there's what Jean Harris did.
She and Dr. Herman Tarnower had a 14-year relationship, and they were even engaged until he broke it off. Harris continued to see Tarnower even though she knew he had also started a relationship with his receptionist. After Tarnower told Harris that the receptionist would be his date for a prestigious awards dinner, she mailed him a letter, wrote some suicide notes, packed a gun, and drove five hours to his home. She found Tarnower alone in his bedroom -- and some of the receptionist's belongings in a bathroom.
An argument ensued, and Harris shot Tarnower four times. But rather than kill herself, she tried to escape. Was that because with Tarnower gone, Harris suddenly realized that she had a reason to live?
If you're trying to figure out
how to survive an affair, your first priority must be controlling your jealousy before it begins to control you. You can start learning how for free at
http://myquestionsaboutlove.com/how-to-survive-an-affair-now-free.
