How To Parent A Child Who Spits

How To Parent A Child Who Spits

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Some children develop different ways to act out when they are young, one of them is spitting at you. It can be difficult to know how to parent when your daughter is spitting at you as a way to be rebellious. This article suggests tips to help parents know how to deal with a child who is spitting at them.

It can be so difficult to avoid taking it personally when a child spits, but it is not personal. Four-year-olds (and almost five is still four) lack some skills, but are very good at others.

My guess is that your daughter doesn't have the skills to communicate her disappointment or anger in acceptable ways.But, she does have the skill to get you hooked. You have already learned that talking to her doesn't do any good.

Time out (which doesn't sound like "Positive Time Out" that she chooses) only makes her madder and better and hooking you.

Dreikurs used to say, "Keep your mouth shut and act." It is also called, "decide what you will do instead of what you will make your child do." Deciding what you will do is the best way to model respectful behavior so long as what you decide to do is respectful.

So, what would this look like? You might decide that whenever she spits, you will leave. Go to the bathroom and shut the door. (Good place to clean yourself up anyway).
Keep a good book to read.

Oh, I forgot to mention that you should let her know in advance what you are going to do. Kindly and firmly say, "Spitting is very disrespectful.

I can't make you act respectfully, but I will respect myself by leaving. Know that you can help your child see light and that your techniques of how to parent will influence your children directly.

I will go to the bathroom and lock the door. I will come back out when I feel safe (from spitting) or when you let me know you are ready to treat me respectfully. Talk about this during a calm time when no one is upset.

You might ask, "What is your understanding of what I will do when you spit?" If she can't tell you, give prompts until she can repeat what you will do.

After that it is very important to "keep you mouth shut" when you follow through and do what you said you would do. Know that you can help your child see light and that your techniques of how to parent will influence your children directly.

Children of this age (and, really, all ages) understand action better than words. Words just give them fuel to defeat you. If you are both kind and firm, chances are that she will have a temper tantrum for awhile (she won't like it that she can't "hook" you any more) until she realizes it won't work.

(Children don't do things that don't work.) Then she may tell you she is ready for you to come out. When you come out, do some more follow through. Ask her if she would like to put the problem of spitting on the family meeting agenda, or if she would like you to.

Then wait until your regularly scheduled, weekly family meeting and brainstorm about other things she could do when she feels frustrated or angry. (Four-year-olds are very good at problem-solving during a family meeting. Let me know if this works.

Suggestions

1.Recognize your own deep-seated reaction to spitting, and make a conscious attempt to look at the situation from either a historical or a psychological perspective. When third-grader Mary spits at fifth-graders, she is probably just trying to make them pay attention to her. (It is unlikely that she is declaring them to be her tribe's most despised adversaries.)

Remember that overreacting to spitting may only increase its incidence, while discovering the underlying problem creates opportunities to get students involved in problem solving and to teach important life skills.

2.Spitting could be related to physical problems. Ask the student's parents whether there is a physical reason their child needs to spit.

3.Don't get hooked by the repulsiveness of the behavior, and don't draw undue attention to it. Hand the student a tissue, and say kindly and firmly, "I would appreciate it if you would use this. If you need more they are on my desk."

4.Respectfully ask a student who has spit on the playground blacktop or sidewalk to get a hose or bucket of water and rinse the spit from the area.

5.Let students know that some behaviors are appropriate in certain settings and not in others. Spitting into a toilet is appropriate. Spitting on floors or grounds where people walk is not appropriate.

6.Let the consequences of a student's behavior among his peers take effect. Often students will let a classmate know that spitting bothers them by saying, "That's gross!" and walking away or by avoiding the student who spits.

Planning Ahead to Prevent Future Problems

1.1. Young children have fairly primitive responses and behaviors. If they spit, try not to take it personally. Remember, you are the adult and have supposedly outgrown your need to engage in tribal warfare. Model self-control.

2.Use the Mistaken Goal Chart to identify the student's reason for spitting. Encourage your student by helping him develop a plan that involves stopping himself when he wants to spit, thinking about what he could do instead to express his feelings, and then acting with respect.

3.Talk about spitting in a class meeting. You might want to bring in a real spittoon for students to see or show a movie in which the characters use spittoons. Let the students have fun with the topic; invite them to talk about situations in which spitting is part of the scene. Have them discuss how spitting affects other people.

4.Have your students brainstorm for solutions that are respectful to people and property. During the cold season, many children are coughing up phlegm and may need to spit into tissues.

Suggestions for dealing with this might include providing a covered trash container for disposing of tissues, attaching a small plastic bag inside a child's desk to gather used tissues, or authorizing all students to get up and take a tissue from the box at any time without asking permission

About the Author:
Since 1979, Dr. Jane Nelsen has shown more than 2 million parents and educators how to use Positive Discipline to end power struggles and build more positive and healthy relationships. She loves to teach effective and practical was of How To Parent.



Article Originally Published On: http://www.articlesnatch.com


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