How To Beat Up A Sasquatch Using Taekwondo Techniques

It's easy to beat up a ton of Sasquatch with Taekwondo Techniques if you have perfect timing, and you don't have to be a Manswers fan to know what I am saying! Mind you, I don't propose hunting down one of these critters to check out what I am going to tell you in this article, and I certainly don't advocate cruelty to any animal at all. But if that 300 pound gangbanger charges at you on the street, some of these martial arts techniques will be worth their weight in gold.

First off, a little data concerning your opponent. The Sasquatch, called Bigfoot in the movies, weighs in at over 800 pounds. They have several little razo sharp knives permanently sprouting from their fingertips, and their teeth are a circle of uncommonly vicious knives.

The monster, being rather tallish, can stand eight to ten feet upright. This is perfect for looming over some fool, and then crashing down upon, any idiot foolish enough to stand in front of it. The first self defense technique, if one should find oneself standing in the shadow of a looming BF, is a front kick to the cahonies.

Mind you, the coconuts tend to be a little big, and they do feel the pain. After the kick be sure to jump to the side, because if you have caused him to fall, he might fall on you! I don't recommend waiting to try a second kick, because if you kicked a female (it's hard to tell without all that hair) she might be a little peevish.

Okay, second line of defense, if you are successful in evading the fall of the massive fellow, is to jump on the back of the behemoth and make him (or her) tap out. Look, a well applied guillotine choke hold is worth its weight in gold, and there isn't a Sasquatch alive who hasn't heard of the Mixed Martial Arts arena. So hook your forearm across the throat, brace the arms, and apply pressure--a considerable amount of pressure.

But what if you don't encounter a sasquatch that doesn't fight fair, what if you come across one that doesn't come at you stand up, but rather ducks down like he's looking for a leg lock and then goes for the bite, whacha gonna do? The best thing is to observe the mouth carefully, and when he opens for the bite,thrust forward with a Karate spear hand! Don't jerk away when he starts to close his jaws, as that would go against the curve of the fangs, rather, jam the spear in and grab for the tongue!

Now, you've got a Sasquatch by the tongue, and suddenly he feels the fear! What if he could no longer lick that honey, eh? And then, there is the danger that you might get cantankerous and give a good yank and turn him all the way inside out!

Okay, maybe these self defense techniques might not work in all situations, but you're thinking now, right? You would never harm one of nature's critters unless you were really starving, but that banger in the dark alley...he's a different matter! Fair game, and these Taekwondo Techniques are going to save your live, loved ones, and your pocket book!