Hinting: It's Not Romantic!

In football there are not a lot of subtleties. It is mostly about the obvious. It is mostly about the biggest, the fastest, the strongest, and the best. Not that the game is without its details; that is what makes it so fascinating on so many levels.

But mostly, it is about 11 men wanting to move in one direction, while 11 other men want to stop them from doing that. Basic. Obvious. Not subtle.

Women can take away an important insight into men. They are not subtle. Nor do they value mind-reading. No hints, ladies! Just come right out and say it. If you want to make certain that a man fully understands what is on your mind, Say It.. This technique applies to men who work for you, men you work for, and men in your life.

Typical example from my own life:

A woman will give a man big hints over and over, such as, I love flowers. And no flowers ever arrive. So she gives him huge hints over and over; when she sees a person give another person flowers, saying to him, Oh, look. I love flowers. More waiting, more no flowers.

Finally, she decides to be direct. Honey, she says one day, do you know what I would really love for you to do?

He looks up attentively. That is a focusing statement. It gives him hope that the next thing out of her mouth will be specific. Men love this. What? he asks.

She says, I would love you to bring me flowers sometime, when I least expect it, like on my birthday.

It registers. He gets the message. She can tell it clicks. She gets gorgeous flowers on her birthday. She is so happy. Her women friends are livid. You had to tell him, they say. It is not romantic. He should have known, they say.

Yeah, right, she shoots back. On the one hand, I could have kept on believing that He should have known. On the other hand, I could have Flowers. So she went for the flowers. And she was so glad she did.

Later, when she debriefs him on this incident, she may say, What were you thinking when I said I loved flowers? Again, he loves this question; it is analytical. He says, I remember having a warm feeling because it was so feminine. I remember thinking you should probably plant some. This is how he thinks. Men wrote the dictionary. They are literal. Men usually say what they mean and mean what they say. The trouble arises when they expect women to do the same.

Even though women value endless layers of subtleties to what they say, when it involves a man, it is best to just literally believe him. Unless he is trying to fool you, everything he says, he means. Take him at face value.

In football, players have no trouble believing their coach. This is because in most cases the coach used to be a player. Having been a player buys the coach credibility with his players. They know he is speaking from a position of experience, from having been there, done that. That's all they need to know.

This even applies to the guys in the booth calling the game. The best play-by-play announcers and color commentators are usually ex-players. My favorites were Pat Summerall and John Madden. Fans listening to their broadcast loved it because Summerall and Madden knew the game from the perspective of having been on the field and taught us. Madden had the added advantage of being a Super Bowl-winning coach. Bonus!

So when a man speaks, he is imparting information. When he listens, he expects to receive information. That is the male use for talking: exchanging facts, ideas, and information.

Women often talk in order to process their thoughts and feelings. Men do not get this. They are not wired that way. They listen to a woman go on about several subjects and ask, What are you talking about? She is using talk as a way to understand something more deeply. It is kind of thinking out loud and it is a perfectly valid way to process knowledge. Just do not be disappointed with mens blank glassy expression when you see it. They do not mean anything by it. Go on about your business and they will be fine.

But if you actually want action from a man, be direct. This does not mean you have to be unpleasant. But do not waste a lot of words getting to the meat and potatoes of what you want him to do. Just say it. Tell him. He will love you for it. It is actually romantic for him.

Romantic?

Yes. And here is why.

For women romance is:

He read my mind. He knew what I wanted before I asked for it. Do you know what that is for men? Hard, energy-draining, hit-or-miss Work. It is not fun. And he hates it. Because there is a good chance he will get it wrong. And men hate being wrong.

For men romance is:

A woman tells him exactly what she wants. Maybe even where he can find it. She tells him when she wants it. Now he goes out and gets it for her. He returns victorious. He presents it to her. She gushes just a little and thanks him, rewarding his successful quest profusely. The rewarding profusely is romance for a man.

Go ahead. Be Direct. To them,

I love flowers means I love flowers. They do not search for hidden meanings or a implied subtext. They listen literally. They're like football. Basic. Obvious. Not subtle. No more hints, ladies!