Helping Your Guardian Parent Your Child

How can you help the guardian you choose to be a good parent to your children? Putting your wishes and dreams in a letter can help your guardian guide your children throughout their lives.)Choosing a guardian for your children isnt an easy task. You hope that you have picked someone that will ascribe to same ideals, values and principals that youve tried to instill in your child. The reality, of course, is that try as they might, they probably wont live up to your standards.

Not because theyre not good choices, but because theyre not you. No one can perfectly replace you and even two parents of the same child dont parent in the same manner. So, while you cant control everything your guardian will do if they do in fact, take over one day, you can offer them as much guidance as possible, sharing your thoughts and desires with them so that they can parent as closely to you as possible.

To do this, youll need to put your thoughts in writing. This can be a document that you keep with your Will, or it can be a collection of documents written to both your guardian and your children.

Some of the topics you might want to address include:

The Reason You Chose Them

Explain why you thought they were the best choice. Perhaps mention some of the history that the two of you have or why you admire them as a parent if they are one. Talk about a bond that they may already have formed with your child. Build up their confidence because even with the best behaved child, there will be challenges, and perhaps your guardian may feel that they were not the best choice. They will need those words of encouragement in years to come.

Talk to Them About Your Child

Tell them about your hopes and dreams for your children. Discuss any special family rituals you have. Perhaps you wish for them to travel to special places or have experiences that are important for their development into adulthood. If youre writing to your children as well, encourage them to give the guardian a chance and to help them learn those unique family traditions so that theyre not lost as the years go by.

Set Education Goals

Is it important that your children attend a certain school? Graduate from a certain college? Or is it even important that they go to college? If your family tradition dictates that everyone goes to an Ivy League school, set that out in the letter. Your guardian may not be able to adhere perfectly to your wishes, but they will at least know what your wishes are.

You should also express these desires to your children as its important for them to know how proud you are of them and how much potential you saw in their abilities.

Discuss Faith and Religious Beliefs

Hopefully you have chosen a guardian that subscribes to the same religion or understands your feelings about religion. Let the guardian know if you wish your children to attend a certain church or synagog, or if you wish them to be confirmed or have a bar mitzvah. Continuing your religious practices can help your children feel close to you throughout their lifetime.

Discuss Extended Family

Your guardian will need to know how much time you would like your extended family to have with your child and which extended family members you wish them to see on a regular basis. Also, if there are some family members that you do not want in your child's life, make sure you put that in the letter as well. You may also wish to discuss family holidays and celebrations and the time your children should spend with extended family.

Talk About Ethical Values

If you wish for your children to be involved in volunteer activities and local organizations (for example 4-H or Habitat for Humanity) or to follow in your footsteps in any way, talk about this in the letter. If your guardian understands your ethical values, they can impart the lessons to your children.

These are good topics to write about for your children as well. Help them understand why you have the values that you do and encourage them to discuss their concerns or problems with the guardian. Remember, you want your children to see the guardian as part of the team someone they can turn to in time of need. Creating these bonds early on is a great way to foster that relationship.

Helping your guardian be a good parent to your children will not only benefit your children, but also your guardian because they will not have to do so much guessing over what you would do in given situations. Also setting out your wishes for your children's rearing may be the best way to have lasting impact on their lives, just as you would if guided them yourself.