Having Add Is Different For Women

Did you only find out that you had ADD because you took one of your children for diagnosis? It's true that ADD seems to have genetic tendency, and if this is true for you, you may have tended toward blaming yourself for your child's ADD. That attitude can depress you. On the other hand, did you feel slightly relieved that you could finally put a name to what you'd been feeling all your life? Try to put negative feelings aside, and focus on working with your own ADD strengths and weaknesses. The process of doing this may help you with the bad feelings, because you'll be taking positive action that leads to ADD success---not just for you, but for your child, as well.

When you're married with a family, you may find that ADD tendencies make life stressful. American households have traditionally been the responsibility of the woman to organize, though things are changing. But when you're it, and you can't quite meet up to the societal pressures, feelings of guilt may also enter the picture. This whole scenario is compounded when you work outside your home.

Here are some ideas to help you:

Business, just by its very nature has certain structures, and if you have ADD, this probably helps you because you know what to expect next. But at home, this is totally not the case, unless you make it so. Try to make some simple scheduling there, and especially if you work outside your home, it will tend to make your home life less overwhelming.
Delegate some of that housework to your partner, if they don't already chip in and do some of it for you. If your kids are at least 5, you can give them simple chores to do, too, like setting the table. Don't feel guilty about making your kids work, either. They need to have a way to learn responsibility. They also need to learn the value of money, and if you give them an allowance for the work they do, you'll be accomplishing three things: You're alleviating some of your own burden, you're teaching your kids responsibility, and you're also teaching them the value of money.

Then, decide what you're still totally responsible for handling, and schedule those tasks in. For instance, on Monday, do the vacuuming. On Tuesday, maybe it's the grocery store. Wednesday might be laundry day or whatever. Get some kind of planner that you always have access to, and write it all down or use some electronic version that will schedule repeat tasks automatically. But when you see all these things in writing, suddenly, they don't seem so daunting. Plus, you won't have to worry that you forgot to do something because it will be right there, in front of you.

Waking up and going to bed at around the same time every day may be helpful, too. Eat your main meals at the same time every day. Do things with your kids at the same time every day and so on. Though not everything in life should be structured, having a loose idea of what's going on during the day will make you feel more secure. And if you work outside your home, try having "nights," like "pizza night," "fun night," and "learning night," or something like that. It will help you to know what to do when you're too tired to figure something out.

Be particularly aware if you have ADD bouts of temper. When things get really hectic, be careful that you don't take it out on your kids. Things can get crazy at times like dinner when you're trying to prepare a meal and the kids get into some mischief with the TV blaring and the cat trying to trip your every step. Don't let it totally frustrate you and make you want to explode!

Recognize times when the kids get to be too much for you, like when you're trying to concentrate on cooking a meal, especially when you're tired from working all day. Distractions can be extremely frustrating. Ask your partner to watch the children for you and to keep them out from under foot while you're cooking, if possible. Or don't cook! Getting someone else to do it for you. Having food catered in may not be as expensive as you think when you consider that you don't have to spend time shopping, paying for the food, and cooking it, too.

Yet, if you love to cook, or you just can't afford to eat out a lot or to have meals catered in, why not prepare them when the kids are at school and keep the food in the refrigerator or freezer until just before dinner? Or, if you're a single parent, what about hiring a babysitter just to watch the kids while you're doing something as complicated as preparing a good meal? You can make an ADD-friendly system that will work for any circumstance on any budget.

But above all, put yourself in "time out," when you know that your feelings are getting out of control. Just walk away from the situation for a few minutes, if you can, until you're able to put things back into perspective. Huge emotional baths are not something that will solve your feelings of frustration. They'll only enhance your guilt.

Women with ADD are also in danger of becoming substance abusers, and hide their dependencies from other people. This is a form of self-medication, hoping that whatever they're abusing--alcohol, cigarettes, marijuana, painkillers, etc., will stop the symptoms of ADD. If you're one of these women, seek the help of a medical professional right away. There are any number of things you can do to ease your condition, without destroying yourself and your family.

The first thing you need to do is to stop blaming yourself. You didn't ask to have ADD, and when you start looking at it as an advantage due to your high intelligence, your intense creativity, and your ability to hyperfocus on things, you'll feel much happier. Awaken to the possibilities of ADD; don't look at it like a "disorder."

Having ADD isn't something to be depressed about. It's something that makes you very special, but it can interfere with your life if you don't make some adjustments. Once you learn that you have ADD, the first step should be discovering your strengths and weaknesses and finding a way to use your strength to compensate for the weakness, or develop ADD-friendly systems to help you. You may need to seek professional help to do this. Don't be afraid to ask for what you need. That's the first step on your road to self-esteem and greater peace of mind.