Have A Happy Marriage; Focus On Your Spouse

Focusing on your spouse is the key to a happy marriage. Your life changes depending upon where your marriage priorities are focused; what you think about and act on is the direction you will steer your life. Overtime couples tend to let the focus slide from their marriage to their career, children, day to day chores, etc.

Kids running under foot making messes, coming home after a frustrating day at work, or finding out you don't have money to pay the bills all make it difficult to focus on your spouse in a positive and meaningful way. You have to make a conscious choice to pull your attention back to your marriage and keep your focus there. After all it should be the most important priority in your life. When your marriage is in tip top shape not only do you have a happier marriage everything else is better too. There is less stress when a couple works together toward goals and to solve problems.

When there is trouble in a marriage most of the time it can be traced back to one or both of the spouses feeling disconnected or emotionally isolated. Identify the activities or places that you put your focus to see if they are a cause for contention and emotional separation. Some of the big culprits are playing computer and video games, spending time and doing activities with friends, working longer hours than normal, playing in a sports league, watching television, hanging out with other people in place of private time with your spouse. None of these are bad unless they are done to the point of aggravation in your relationship. Talk with your spouse and see at what point it starts to create emotional separation. It's all about the amount of time spent in these activities versus the time spent with your spouse doing things you enjoy together.

Date nights should be often and scheduled. These should be your most important appointments in the month. Try taking turns planning the dates. Surprise your spouse with the actual date activity; tell them only when and what to wear. Effective dates include activities that you both enjoy or that are a new experience for one or both of you. Here are some of the dates we surprised each other with:

* Getting spattered with mud at a demolition derby
* Flying an airplane with an instructor
* Impressed and horrified at a body building championship
* Amazed at a monster truck rally
* Watching a dog Frisbee contest
* Surprisingly enjoying an Opera
* Cheering at a college hockey game
* Flying away for an overnight romantic encounter
* Acting like kids at the circus
* Vibrations pound through us at the top fuel drag races
* Hiking a local mountain trail
* Conquering a rock climbing wall
* Doing a humanitarian project
* Holding our breath watching the Thunderbird's maneuver
* Dreaming together at the parade of homes
* Dog shopping (yes he got me the dog I wanted)
* Day ride on his Harley Davidson looking Kawasaki motorcycle
* Progressive dinner date (one course at each restaurant)

It can be exciting to experience new events or activities together. This excitement can be euphoric reminding you of other fun times that you have experienced together. Laughing together, being silly, exchanging "Oh My!" looks, adrenaline rushing experiences, the sense of anticipation and emotional moments experienced together can bond you closer and create an environment for love to spark again and flourish.

If you want you to create a closer relationship with your spouse you need to spend time focusing on your marriage. When you commit to focusing on your marriage and your spouse you will remember to do the little things for them that keep your marriage fresh, interesting and fun.

Try doing things for your spouse that they want to have done for them. We tend to do it the easy way and do things for our spouses that we want to do for them. Ask them what would make them happy and then do those things for them. Otherwise it is a waste of your energy and time. Why do things that do not produce the results that you are looking for.

Men have heard all their lives that the gift to give the women in their life is flowers or jewelry. Consider how a man would feel if he bought his wife an expensive bracelet because he was trying to give her something that would make her happy and glow with love for him and all he got was a muttered, "thanks."

An ungrateful response happens when a gift is given that isn't something that the receiver enjoys. Some women could care less about jewelry or flowers but might be ecstatic over a stuffed animal or a ticket to a play. Knowing what kind of gift produces an excited response and feelings of love toward the giver is what makes the difference in whether you want to give again or not.

It is not only with gift giving but helping and assisting your spouse with things that matter to them. Washing your husband's car might not be what makes his heart melt it might be what irritates him instead. Find out what your spouse would appreciate and do that; then you will see increased affection and love.

If you want your spouse to respond to you in a positive way then they need to receive from you those things that matter to them and they need to know that they are important to you. Focusing on them, spending time with them, creating memories with them and giving or doing things for them that are important and meaningful to them all make a difference in your relationship.

Have a happier marriage, less stress and more fun. Focus your attention on your spouse and witness the results!