Happily Never After, After All? - Accepting What Happens After Infidelity

Happily Never After, After All? - Accepting What Happens After Infidelity

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When you stood side by side with your spouse on your wedding day, before the sacred altar that binds you both together, what runs across your mind? Perhaps you were absorbing the fact that this is the person youll be spending the rest of your life with? So if thats the case, I doubt you expected a bad ending in your marriage. You probably felt like a princess/prince or maybe even a simple peasant, about to marry their prince/princess and ride off the hills to your new palace on your white horse? Okay, maybe thats over exaggerating, maybe even too optimistic, but you get the idea. You hoped and prayed for a happy marriage with your supposed-to-be life long partner.

Then the evil witch, in other words INFIDELITY, comes in the picture and takes away your happy ending from you. So, how do you deal with it in the end? Assuming you decided to separate with your spouse, where do you go from there?

Before you read the following stages in dealing with the aftermath of infidelity, I want you to answer this very important question:
ARE YOU WILLING TO MOVE ON AND GO ON WITH YOUR LIFE FOR THE SAKE OF A BETTER FUTURE? OR WOULD YOU RATHER STAY BITTER, MOP AND DROWN YOURSELF IN SELF-PITY??
If answered truthfully that you are willing to move on to the brighter tomorrow, then read on and I pray these article will help you move on.

RECOVERING FROM THE ROOT OF THE PAIN
By this time, the root of the pain is mostly the trauma of the turn of events. And as we all know, like a child drowning for the first time and then having a phobia in water, its not that easy to get over trauma. Traumas are a higher degree of fear.
Now, the trauma experienced after the issue of infidelity is way different and much more painful than the trauma experience after the death of a spouse. It is different because when a spouse dies, the hope and thought that he or she loves you is still there, the painful part is that your spouse has left you permanently. But when a spouse cheats on you, not only do you feel like he or she has left you, but you have no assurance at all that he or she still loves you. And theres that dark question haunting you: Did he or she even love me in the first place?
The issue of infidelity causes many unfortunate results and feelings, and one of those feelings that come up is the feeling of BETRAYAL. You were backstabbed by the person you loved the most; loved so much you chose to get married with that person. Then, this person will betray you and walk out like no broken glass was left?
That kind of painthe pain of betrayaltakes time to heal. So give it time and let it heal. Dont sulk and pity yourself; dont add grief with more grief.

BRING IN THE MORAL SUPPORT!

Just like a hyperventilating person needing an oxygen mask for support, so do you need friends and family around you to help you get up and move on with your life. Locking yourself in your room with nothing but ice cream and the TV wont help you get back on your feet. Doing that is for the me moment wherein you indulge yourself with things you love until you calm down from the crocodile tears. But it is important to remember that you need your friends and your family in the process of recovery.
You need someone to say You can do it! when your mind tells you I cant do this anymore.
Someone to say Youre beautiful when your mind says Im a monster
Someone to say We love you when your mind says Im unlovable
Someone to say Its possible! when your mind says Its impossible
Someone to say Well stand by you when your mind says Im on my own
And of course there is God. There will always be the Almighty God to help you and provide you comfort through trying times. Just believe and put your trust in Him then Hell do the rest. Who knows, this may have happened because theres someone better out there that God has designed for you OR God already has another plan for your life that need this test or trial. Dont lose faith. Instead, get more wisdom and strength.

VULNERABILITY

There are numerous reasons why a couple was a target of infidelity. A couple may be more vulnerable to infidelity than another couple. One may be stronger, the other may be weaker. So what are the reasons of vulnerability? More often than not, its the emotions of the couple, their expectations and satisfactions.
Emotions- a couple may be so sensitive that their feelings tend to blind their better judgment, so they end up making the wrong decisions. Lack of sharp discernment leads to wrong choices that may be regretted in the future.
Expectations- when a person has too much expectation, especially if majority of those are high, more often than not, these expectations arent met. So just expect that RIGHT amount and let God handle things. Dont put extra pressure or stress.
Satisfactions- dont be selfish or self-indulging. Think about your partners needs and wantsmost especially their needs. Think about what the effect on them will be whenever youre planning to make a decision or take action. The world does not revolve around you, you know.

PERSONAL VULNERABILITY
There are instances when the failure of a marriage is not only rooted on the infidelity and the lies, but also on the person involved as well. The partner who commits infidelity may be having psychological problems. Maybe he or she is still haunted by visions of the past. Maybe even a childhood trauma that was never fixed. There are deeper roots of vulnerability.
If you really want to fix something so complex, dig deep in the very hidden roots. Strike the main core and youll be able to figure out what to do next.

BOTH SIDES OF DISSATISFACTION
The worst of all infidelities is when dissatisfaction in your marriage AND in yourself is present. In your marriage, you crave something that your partner cant seem to meet. And in yourself, you want to see yourself differently and have some sort of major makeovera makeover done by the third party. Maybe your lover has seen something special in you that youre partner overlooked or has completely forgotten.
Dissatisfaction is caused by lack of self-control and control in your emotions. You want to be satisfied with your needs and wants that you forget everything else that matterslike, doing what is right.
You completely forget the solemnity of your marriage and consider cheating on your partner for your own personal gain. If you let this happen, you let your marriage fail.

FORGIVENESS
Forgiveness is a choice, not an order placed upon you. Dont choose to forgive your partner for the wrong things they did just because your parents or your friends advised you to do so. Do it as long as it comes from the heart; and dont forget, forgiveness is necessary to really move on. But dont forget this: Forgiveness is different from reconciliation. You dont have to be friends with your partner after a divorce, but just forgive them. This will help you forget, so no matter how hard it seems, try to forgive because this will help you forget.

About the Author:
Jamie Starr is an experienced relationship counselor. For more information on after infidelity , visit http://www.cheatingspousesblog.com//.



Article Originally Published On: http://www.articlesnatch.com


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