Generational Differences: Help For Keeping Love In The Generational Divide

Have you ever felt totally clueless about something you believe you did to make someone furious with you? Your 40 something (Boomer/Gen X) daughter told you she doesn't want see you, will not return your phone calls and emails and have pretty much written you off in her life for reasons that are not clear. As the local generations "expert" in training (translated - eating and sleeping this subject), I have this scenario in my life and just this day, perceive generational divide as the cause.

Here are the facts:

Father has given hundreds of thousands of dollars to daughter and family for education, business opportunities and general home-and car-buying needs. His visceral perception of the divide is expressed as "I've done all that I know to do to show that I love her" and "She is an ungrateful child" and in his late years of life, causing unnecessary pain and shame to her father. Translated, I show I love you by giving what represents the very best of me - my years of toil and triumph, of the currency of my very being, of why I am what I am and do what I do. Boomer/Gen X daughter expects the financial support that has always been there for her, does not perceive "care" as love but as what is given without expectation and wants love in the form of "every effort gets a prize" that she and her children's teachers and coaches pour on her children. Father doesn't understand this type of exchange but, believes everyone works for what they get in life.

From the perspective of generational differences, both love by giving their greatest value based on what they learned through the formative events of early adulthood; Traditionalists from The Great Depression and WWII nose-to-the-grind sacrifice and Boomer/Gen X from prosperous after-war economic growth that gave them unprecedented educational and job opportunities and confidence enough to reject success as defined by their parents.

While the Traditionalist pop provides along with advice as his gifts and expects his daughter's success as reward, the 40 something daughter gives her presence and less material gifts that make her the hero of her children, wishing she would get the same from her dad. Traditionalist pop knows nothing more to do and 40 something daughter will no longer attempt to give her father the false reward.

Is there hope for reconciliation?

Regardless of age or generations, each needs to learn 3 things;

Thing #1. They both need and want love from the other person.

Thing #2. Both need to know about generational differences and understand that they define love differently.

Thing #3. It would be really good if they could appreciate their unique expressions of love and be grateful for each other.

There are other routes to understanding yet, there is no other way to reconcile generational differences without learning about them. Dr. Jan Ferri-Reed has a fun video that tells the complete story to get you started in learning about generational differences. Or, check out my Website with the link information below.