First Date Advice: Keeping The Stress Out

First Date Advice: Keeping The Stress Out

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"If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself but to your own estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment." So spoke the Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius.

Looking back it was easy for him to speak these words. He was only leading the Roman Army into war. It's not like he was going out on his first date.

Yes unfortunately it can be that stressful. Naturally you want to have a good time, you want your date to have a good time and you want the date to end in such a way that there is no doubt you are going to get a second date.

Now due to circumstances outside of your control, the end result might not work out in your favor. For whatever reason the two of you may decide to say thanks but no thanks and move on to see if there is someone out there more compatible. Such is life and it's important to remember to not let an incident like that cause you to get too down on yourself. You will more than likely feel some disappointment but do not let it hold you back.

In the meantime in spite of the decree from a Roman Emperor you are still stressed in regards to this first date. That's understandable, so try to remember a few things which could help you to calm down.

1. The Middle East Peace Conference

As in do not turn your date into one. Now it is perfectly reasonable that you do not want to spend the whole date engaged in shallow conversation ("do you think it will rain and if not why not?"). Yet at the same time focusing constantly on heavy subject matter can be a downer too.

Howard Hawks the great movie director once said that any time he got a script that was full of heavy drama, he went out of his way to inject as much comedy into the movie without sacrificing the overall theme. That's probably a good philosophy to keep in the back of your mind if you feel the conversation tilting too much one way or the other.

2. Pay Attention

This should be an automatic but check out some of the dating forums and you will find quite a few discussions from people about how their date was easily distracted. It can be the cell phone, a text message or just a short attention span. Either way it can put a lot of tension in the air.

Paying attention also goes for the conversation. If your date is enjoying talking about some deep subject matter and you like it yourself than by all means continue. There's no need to lighten things up because you think you need to.

But more than anything take notice of their body language, their eyes and facial expressions. These three can tell you how the date is going better than any words.

3. Sigmund Freund Is Not Invited

In team sports one of the things you hear great athletes say is how they let the game come to them. The same should go for dating and the way to help it along that path is to stay away from analyzing any and all situations during the date. Why did they say that, why did you say that, what's the meaning behind the way your date turned their head, why aren't they eating their soup with more purpose and so on.

Sure you want to pay attention and make any adjustments as things go along but you want to do it without interrupting the flow. Analyzing which can quickly turn into overanalyzing can shut down the rhythm of the date better than getting into a silly argument. As a matter of fact it could lead to a silly argument.

A small amount of stress used correctly can keep you focused (like if you have to lead the Roman army into battle). On a date? Not so much. The only goal of stress on a first date is to make sure you do not get a second one.

About the Author:
Article written by Daryl Campbell at the Relationship Tip. To increase your chances of a successful first date stay away from the new rude.



Article Originally Published On: http://www.articlesnatch.com


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