Fifty Ways To Help Children And Young People To Deal With Loss

My bereavement books are not just aimed at the healthcare professional but also for teachers, parents and carers of children of all ages. Here are 50 ways that you can really help a child that has suffered loss through death, divorce or illness.

1. React as a human being first and foremost. Show you care as a person not just because you are a teacher and are paid to care.

2. Speak to the pupil using age appropriate language.

3. Send a card or message to a pupil who is off school following a loss.

4. Let students works in pairs or small groups. When the upset pupil cannot concentrate the other will help him carry on.

5. Respect the importance of the students personal attitude towards divorce or death and any cultural or religious beliefs she may have.

6. Listen to what the student has to say about her experiences and give her the opportunity to express them openly.

7. Provide continuity and care.

8. Help parents to appreciate the importance of rites of passage, such as funerals so they can talk to their children about them.

9. As a way of saying goodbye to a pupil or colleague, tie a class message to a helium balloon and release it in the playground.

10. Be sensitive to delayed grief responses there is no time scale for coming to terms with loss.

11. Build the pupils self-esteem to add to his sense of security when a student feels secure hes more likely to be interested in learning.

12. Praise, praise and praise again any efforts the student makes with his work and with his peers.

13. Discreetly praise pupils who make efforts to support a student who has experienced loss as they are using important social skills which will help them throughout life.

14. Keep a hot water bottle as comforter for younger pupils. Some children who suffer loss feel cold from the shock. As well as warming them, a warm hot water bottle gives them something to hold on to. A teddy is a great comforter too!

15. Celebrate the diversity of different cultural responses to bereavement.

16. Reassure the student that divorce is adult business and that he need not take sides and he is not to blame.

17. Prepare pupils to support their peer after a major loss.

18. Use assemblies to celebrate the life of a pupil or staff member who has died.

19. Reassure all pupils that grieving at a time of loss is normal.

20. Mark critical events. Plant a tree, dedicate a trophy or books in the name of the pupil/staff member who has died.

21. Compile a book of tributes, letters, poems and pictures from classmates and staff members.

22. Be prepared to talk on a one to one basis.

23. Provide creative outlets for hurt in painting, writing and drama.

24. Reassure a student about his schoolwork without singling him out for special attention.

25. Use the name of the person who had died, just because he is no longer present does not mean he has been forgotten.

26. Respect confidentiality.

27. Have a class meeting to determine what the pupils want to do about a bereavement, whether it is a peer or a member of staff.

28. Where a student has drawn a picture about the loss experienced, ask if they would like to include a message to the person involved.

29. Talk positively about the deceased person without making him into a saint.

30. Allow time, remember grieving is a process not a fixed event.

31. Encourage pupils to seek support from friends and family whenever they need it.

32. Extra layers of clothing can help a student feel especially cared for and layered against the possibility of harm.

33. Show genuine concern.

34. Where a student has been of school for some time, visit the home, and talk about what it will be like to return to school. Plan for it.

35. Help students understand the universality of loss and that they are not alone.

36. Take pupils feelings seriously.

37. Give space for quiet reflection.

38. Use music to help distressed pupils to relax.

40. Put up with moodiness, the student doesnt like the way he feels either.

41. Acknowledge the fact that a bereaved student may feel very different from his peers, suddenly more grown up and changed forever.
42. Help children to understand that changes of moss, pockets of grief are normal after something awful has happened to them.

43. Encourage pupils to share their dreams and nightmares.

44. Accept the significance of your role: the parents of a student who has experienced loss may be so caught up in their own loss that they may not notice what is happening to their child. You may be the most stable, consistent influence in his life.

45. Tell the truth; half-truths lead to fantasies and confusion which harm rather than help the student.

46. Your emotions are important, do not be afraid to be sad or to cry with the student. This is not a sign of failure but a demonstration of common humanity.

47. Look after yourself, you are an important person in the process of your pupils growth and renewal.

48. If a student has died, leave a gap where their workspace was, work around it. It gives the students permission to grieve. Gradually the space will be filled when the time is right.

49. Whatever the loss, whenever you can, reinforce the students sense of security.

50. Love and live your life to the full as it gives a powerful, positive message to those who you teach.

You can have a quick recap on these points to help you help the child through this difficult process.