Fathers Day Can Be Challenging For Step-dads

Fathers Day Can Be Challenging For Step-dads

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Father's Day, June 15, is almost here. It's that unique day when so many dads are treated like kings and honored by their kids with expressions of love, respect and admiration.

There's no denying the importance of a father in a child's life, and nowadays there are many different labels for dads; step dad, divorced dad, single dad, Mr Mom dad, gay dad. What they have in common is a positive impact on their children's lives in terms of increased self-confidence, a strong sense of well-being, self-control, and success in school.

While a small portion of deadbeat dads taint the reputation of many, we only wish these absent dads could be present for their kids. But it's also true that over 90% of dads believe that being a dad is one of the most fulfilling jobs a man can have. While celebrating Father's Day, we offer some suggestions on two of the most common blended family dads: the step dad and the divorced dad.

Step Dads

There may be some confusion about the role of step dad since, as male head of the household, he has important financial and physical responsibilities, he cannot take for granted that he has those same rights and responsibilities over his step kids. He's not the biological dad and that difference often causes conflict and resentment, especially when he has every good intention of being a supportive husband and breadwinner.

Conflict may arise in any number of ways:
1) the kids may resent his influence because they feel so close to their biological father;
2) their mother may decide he's too hard on her kids, critical of her parenting ability, or unfair in his treatment of her kids and his own; or
3) he may feel animosity and resentment about his wife being disrespected by her kids or by being ignored or discounted himself.

No matter how you slice it, these circumstances result in friction in the family and heated discussions between the couple. Problems like these are the major reasons for second marriages falling apart at a higher rate than first marriages.

Following are some fundamental guidelines for step dads who may be struggling to define their rightful place with their step kids:

1. Keep in mind that your role is to support your wife in parenting as a mentor, coach, or friendly uncle. Take it easy, and over time, when mutual trust and respect has grown, you may develop a stronger, more active role with everyone's support.

2. Work towards being unified as a couple, which means not only being affectionate and respecting each other, but communicating clearly about household responsibilities, financial contributions, rules of behavior, forms of discipline, and the role you play in backing up your wife. Her assignment is to set boundaries for behavior and follow through on consequences, and your job is to support her and remind the kids what their mother wants. A weekly Family Meeting is an effective way of clarifying rules and getting recurring issues out in the open for discussion and resolution.

3. Become aware of unrealistic expectations by reading and learning about ways to be an effective step dad. Acknowledge and respect the unique history that each person brings to a second marriage; much of it, especially for kids, comes with a sense of loss.

4. Consider an enlightening coaching session with a professional blended-family coach to help the step dad in your family sort out some of the issues and challenges he may be dealing with.

Divorced Dads

Father's Day for some divorced dads is not a very happy occasion, especially if they are removed from their kids physically or emotionally. There are many reasons why divorced dads feel marginalized and are apparently unwanted in their child's lives: geographical distance because of work, remarriage, or divorce poison where the children's mother has systematically alienated the kids from their father with the intention of completely removing him from their lives.

Dads may feel discouraged but they must always remember just how important they are as they guide, teach, and show love and support to their kids, even if it is long distance.

Following are some basic guidelines for Divorced Dads:

1.Try to act like grown ups with your child's mother for the sake of the children. Agree on a visitation schedule and a co-parenting plan. Kids want peace between you so they can enjoy both their parents, rather than worrying about your specific issues with each other.

2.Kids thrive on structure. Be consistent with phone calls, pick up and drop off schedules and behavioral expectations while at your home.

3. Resist being Uncle Dad or Disney Dad with lack of boundaries, and inconsistent discipline; this leads the kids to believe you are a peer and best friend and not a responsible parent guiding a child. Uncle Dad parenting results in disrespect, emotional underhandedness, and eventually, kids who have behavioral issues, since they have no respect for authority.

4. Consider a very helpful professional coaching session with a blended-family coach who may help you acquire new insight on problems that you face.

For dads dealing with the agony of parental alienation or Divorce Poison, log on to our Ask the Expert tab and listen to www.blended-families.com expert, best selling author and parental alienation authority, Dr Richard Warshak.

About the Author:
Sheena Berg is a blended families coach for Blended-Families.com. She enjoys contributing to their free stepparenting advice newsletter. You may want to bookmark their Blended Family News YouTube video channel.

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Article Originally Published On: http://www.articlesnatch.com


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