Effective Discipline Must Be Positive Discipline: What Doesn't Work And What Does, And Why

Effective Discipline Must Be Positive Discipline: What Doesn't Work And What Does, And Why

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Effective discipline with a child has to be based on treating the child with respect. A parent must always be in charge of a child in a firm, loving, non-harsh, fair, and respectful way before the child will respond positively to any form of discipline. If a parent is in charge disrespectfully, the child could easily react with manipulative, stubborn, or retaliatory anger expressions or tantrums. By being in charge, I'm talking about being the person or persons who are in command, managing, directing, in authority, responsible, taking charge, and running the show.

For any discipline method to be used effectively by a parent, in an overall sense, it must be a respectful method. By effective, I mean that the child becomes compliant, without being alienated from the parent or parents. One extremely effective method for restoring compliance is Counting children. Counting is the numeric warning parents give their children to indicate that if the children don't "listen up" and do what they're told to do by the time the "magic" number is reached, there will be immediate consequences.

The best and maybe easiest time to teach children that you are the one in charge is right when they first try out being defiant (typically from six to ten months old). Counting, amazingly enough, works equally well with young babies like this (after they've been taught) as it does with bigger-than-you children and all sizes in-between. Even infants can understand the friendly tone of warning that accompanies Counting.

One more aspect of highly effective discipline is that the reasonable consequence must nullify the benefits the child gained through the commission of the offense. That is, a consequence needs to be tough enough that the offender thinks the misbehavior wasn't worth it, but not so harsh that the child feels disrespected. For example, groundings must be long enough as well as short enough to produce a reaction somewhere near the middle of (1) the child feeling the benefit was worth the consequence, and (2) the child detesting your innards. My Grounding Formula and my Grounding Standardization Method are helpful tools to use when Grounding is a fitting consequence for a child. (That's another important aspect of consequences-that they fit the offense.)

Discipline techniques come in many varieties. As parents choose which ones to use, it's good for them to be mindful of (1) how respectful are the methods to children, and (2) are they appropriately and adequately, yet not overly consequencing to the children for their misbehavior.


About the Author:
Want to find out more about effective discipline? Visit www.megamomswisdom.com for the best tools for total tantrum prevention and total tantrum elimination.



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