Do You Suffer From Indispensability?

"Indispensability" is an affliction that I have identified as applying to the many of us - myself included - who run around trying to be everything to everyone but ourselves. Could you be suffering from it?

The Concise Macquarie Dictionary definition of indispensable is: absolutely necessary or requisite; that cannot be disregarded or neglected.

Based on that, and according to my non-scientific but purely observational and anecdotal evidence, you suffer from "indispensability" if you have these symptoms:

1. You feel very valued when others make you feel that you are indispensable to them (they literally make you feel that the world would stop turning if you weren't doing what you were for them). This includes feeling completely indispensable to every member of your family, with needy friends that you are always running after, with a job that occupies far too much of your time above and beyond your job description and even a committee or charity that you volunteer for and end up running;

2. You are always 'crazy busy', meeting deadline after deadline, and are constantly asked by people for their help because you go out of your way to deliver and because you get a great sense of accomplishment and reward by being asked to help; -

3. You honestly believe that if you don't help, deliver or work to a level that is above and beyond most people, that those jobs or tasks won't get done and that others will suffer as a result.

"Indispensability" fills a need in you and provides you with initial recognition and gratification, but it is not sustainable. You think you're indispensable because you gain such great value from feeling needed by a range of people. But it's in their interests to make you feel valued, rewarded and indispensable for their personal gain.

If we equate you to a vehicle that carries everyone and everything around in it, the "indispensable sufferer" is the vehicle that never stops to get a wash to look after its external environment and definitely neglects its engine or internal environment until the battery dies and you are forced to stop, assess and fix.

The cost of indispensability is fatigue, neglect of your own needs, dreams and health and ultimately, an enforced period of slowdown. A family crisis, a personal illness or even the recognition that being indispensable comes at too high a cost can trigger an avalanche of change to release you from the grip of the "disease".

Here's a fact: no-one is indispensable, but everyone is important and valuable and should know their own value. When you suffer from "indispensability" you undervalue yourself because you don't give yourself the time and mental space you need for the things that are important to you.

So identify your symptoms and if you are ready to shed the shackles of "indispensability" then:

1. Assess how much you do for yourself vs how much you do for others - the results will surprise you;

2. Write a list of your personal priorities, dreams and needs and put it in a place that you can look at it often (putting the needs of others first is a hard habit to break so you need a reminder of what is important for you);

3. Start to identify which of your many roles are taking from you rather than giving back. It is fine to give of your time and effort but a healthy exchange is an equal one, not one that only takes everything and more that you have to give;

4. Have the courage to change your involvement in the many things you do by simplifying your life.

Trust me, the sun will not stop rising if you decide to focus on you and your priorities. I know, I've overcome it and my family has thrived to share my "indispensability" survival tale.