Do As I Say, Not As I Do? Right.

The world of a teenager is filled with change. Changing bodies, changing thoughts and feelings, and a changing role in society make it an exciting, uncertain and often confusing time both for the teens themselves and their parents.

Much has been written about the changes teens face, but the role of a parent must change as well.

Pre-adolescent children naturally defer to the authority of their parents. That is to say their brains are literally wired for this. It is one of the reasons human beings were able to survive for so many thousands of years. In the wild, a child who did not respond to the wishes of their parents did not survive very long.

The adolescent brain, however, is wired quite differently than that of a child or an adult. The teenage brain is preparing for independence. Questioning themselves and others, are part of this natural process. Teenagers watch and listen, and from their own observations, are beginning to develop a view of the world based on their personal experience.

As an example, a child told not to touch alcohol, or to pick up a pack of cigarettes, will generally comply with the parent's wishes. A teenager however will question these rules, and will often decide to "experiment" with what was once always a taboo. This is especially true if they observe others they have respected and admired doing the very things they have been told not to do.

Fortunately, only a slight modification to your parenting habits is really needed for making the transition between being he parent of a child and the parent of a teenager. That is simply to practice the behaviors you wish your teen to adopt.

If you own habits contradict what you have been teaching them, this is the time for you, as a parent, to begin changing your own habits. If, like smoking, you are unable to make that change, then the second best thing is to sit down with your teenager and explain to them why you do it, and why you hope to spare them from the mistakes you have made.

Simply using the age-old parents creed, "do as I say, not as I do", simply will not work any more.