Did I Just Argue With My Three-year-old?

I'm enjoying a typical day in our household when my preschooler decides to talk back to me. After a back and forth of "Yes, you did!" and "No, I didn't!" three or four times, it suddenly hits me: I am arguing with my three-year-old!

When did the tables turn? Whatever happened to "What I say goes"? When I argue with my tot, it's a lose-lose situation. Not only do I feel like I've lost, I have taken on a load of guilt for yelling at my son. According to Devra Renner and Aviva Pflock, co-authors of the award-winning bookMommy Guilt: Learn to Worry Less, Focus on What Matters Most, & Raise Happier Kids , "Research points to yelling as the number-one inducer of guilt." As if we parents need another reason to feel guilty. At least this guilt is something you can cut down on!

Before you resort to "Because I said so," here are a few ways to avoid the verbal fisticuffs with your bossy babe.

Identify Your Triggers

In order to avoid a power struggle, you need to pinpoint what sets off your impulse to bicker with your child. Figure out if it is a time of day, like when you're trying to get out the door in the morning or right before naptime. If this is it, try avoiding tasks that seem to escalate these emotions around these times, or change your routine. If it is your child's behavior that sets you off-like whining or carrying on that stubborn streak you'resure she inherited from her father-recognize these hot spots and make a plan for dealing with them.

Lay Down the Rules

I sometimes forget that there is no way for my son to know what I expect from him unless I tell him first. So, before you blow a gasket because your child did something he shouldn't have, check your memory bank and acknowledge whether or not you've told him before. Another trick for avoiding the ticking time bomb is to give your child a code word that lets her know she's pushing it. Remember to give them consequences up front so she knows what she's losing.

Don't Automatically Say No

Before you say no, ask yourself why? If you cannot come up with any valid reasons, then go ahead and let them do what they ask (within reason, of course). If they want to do something that's messy, then move the activity into the back yard. Saying yes more often makes for a positive household and makes both you and your kids happier.

You're Not the Only One!

Don't think you're alone! See how these parents got the upper hand without raising their voice.

"Just this morning we had a debate about more syrup. He wanted more, I told him I already put plenty on his pancakes. He kept asking and asking. I tried reasoning with him, but he was so singularly focused on getting more syrup. Then the lower lip came out and soon tears. Over syrup! It was actually my fault because he wasn't at the table when I poured the syrup and I usually let him pour it. So I learned the lesson I keep re-learning: obey routines you've set up and manage expectations up front! Three-year-olds aren't really into reasoning with you so you're never going to "win" an argument!"

- Jennifer L, Orange, CA, Mother of two

"Two weeks ago, Shannon wanted me to change the radio station and when I told her no she told me 'That's because it's all about you!' I lost it but then I had to stop and take a deep breath and remember she had to have heard that somewhere."

- Gen M, Rancho Cucamonga, CA, Mother of two

"I've learned that letting them just 'steam off' works best for me. So I basically ignore them while this is happening. Eventually, they get tired and stop the tantrum and quiet down. Once they do that, I give them back my attention and that's when I talk to them again about what has happened or what the problem was. I usually get a better response at that point as they don't have much energy left to yell or throw another tantrum."

- Arlene D, Southlake, TX, Mother of two

"Thank goodness it doesn't happen often, but I realize I have lost my cool with Madison when I start yelling at her like she's my husband. She looks at me confused, but quiets down or stops crying.... " -Sarah M, Chino, CA, Mother of one.

Next time you run into a squabble with your kiddo, take a deep breath, count to 10, and give yourself a break from the guilt - every parent loses her composure sometimes!

Admit it-have you talked back to your toddler?