Developing A Positive Self Image: State Management

WHAT IS STATE? Looking after your body - making sure you sleep properly, eat properly and exercise regularly - is important for your body and your brain and your general health.

But what is equally important, is looking after your mind. Your mental state is as important as your health and is an important component of it. Scientists have found that people who are stressed out all the time, who have a very low selfimage and who constantly talk using negative put downs are more likely to develop diseases and illnesses. They also lack motivation and self-control, and never achieve much in their lives.

When you see people reaching the finals of Wimbledon, for instance, do you think, just before they go on court, that they spend time saying things like, "You'll never win; you're such a loser"? Of course not - in their minds they are there to win. When they speak to themselves, they use positive, motivational language. If they didn't, their performance would suffer.

So it is with us too - our mental state will determine the success of our endeavours. If we give up easily and criticise ourselves all the time - we will get nowhere - and be miserable company.

Developing a healthy self-image, learning to dispel negative self-talk, practising tolerance, recognising your worth, and developing self-nurturing skills - all these contribute to your mental "state".

Many teens feel trapped by their emotions - learning to change their state will help them find confidence within themselves. Focussing on the positive, rather than the negative is a healthy trait, and actually boosts your body's immune system.

Getting into the right state is also vital for the exams. If you want to get an A, you have to start thinking like an A-grade student. You have to believe in yourself and be prepared to make the necessary changes to bring the best out of yourself.

Being positive is something we all need to practise in order to become better at it.

THE INNER VOICE: WHO DO YOU LISTEN TO?

When you look in the mirror, is the person who stares back ... a) a friend? b) a critic? c) an enemy?

How we view ourselves, and how we think of ourselves, both as we are and as we would like to be, is what is known as our self-image. Having a healthy self-image is an important cornerstone to success and happiness.

It is useless having goals and dreams if you don't think you actually deserve those goals and dreams. People with a healthy self-image don't need the approval of others (it helps, yes)...but so strong is their belief in themselves that they are able to rise above any situation, are able to achieve their dreams - and ultimately, be the person that they want to be.

What we say to ourselves, and how we say it to ourselves plays a major role in defining our motivation and our self-image. People who put themselves down all the time will rarely if ever succeed at the things they want in life. In order to be a winner you have to think like a winner. You have to use the same language that a winner would use.

Telling ourselves things over and over again ("I'm so useless...) will eventually make us believe what we say. We cannot achieve much in life if the language we use limits us. So be very aware of what you tell yourself repeatedly.

Recognise that you may speak to yourself in different ways all the time. Know that you have the capacity to be your own critic or your own enemy. You also have the option to choose to speak to myself as if you were your own very best friend.

One technique you can try is the "Sorry, wrong number" technique. Whenever you hear the voice of the critic or the enemy, simply say to yourself, "Sorry - wrong number", mentally hang-up - and then choose to listen to the voice of the friend.

RECOGNISE THE VOICE OF THE CRITIC AND THE ENEMY.

The critic is harsh; the enemy is totally unfair. C: "There was nothing good about that." E: "You should be ashamed. Give up." The critic uses gross generalisation; the enemy is unrealistic. C: "You failed that test; you are useless at everything." E: "Because you failed, you will never succeed." The critic jumps to illogical conclusions; the enemy condemns you with a label. C: "She's not smiling; she must hate me." E: "You're so ugly - who would want to smile at you?" The critic expects the worst; the enemy expects a catastrophe. C: "You have a pimple on your nose; everyone will laugh." E: "You have a pimple on your face; it's like a big volcano oozing with pus. This is the worst day of your life!" If we tell ourselves we will get better at something, we generally do. Recognise the voices of the critic and the enemy, but listen to the voice of your inner friend.

TAKE CHARGE OF YOUR MOODS

It is natural for teens to have mood swings - to feel "up" one day and "down" the next. This is a normal part of growing up and is to be expected. Many teens find this hard to deal with, and it can be quite bewildering at times, but what few teens realise is that it is actually possible to change the way we feel and to alter our own moods.

One way is to recognise that some of your moods can be determined by the kinds of things you eat, watch and hear.

Believe it or not, eating too much junk food can make you overly moody and make your mood swings more noticeable. Listening to sad music will make you feel down. Watching distressing things on television or the computer will affect your mood.

Be aware of these external factors before blaming yourself for being so "moody". Here is a simple, effective and fun way to chase the blues away.

Ok, first thing you do is - SMILE. That's right - wrap a great big cheesy grin round your face. Go on. Give it a go. As you are reading this, keep a big over-the-top smile on your face.

That's right ...nice and cheerful like.

Now, keeping the smile, imagine there are little bubbles of joy that rise up from your belly and into your chest.

As these bubbles reach your throat, they burst softly and release happy sighs that make your smile even wider.

As you breathe in, feel the little bubbles bounce like excited children in your belly.....keep smiling please ....and then feel the bubbles float upwards, through your chest and out through your mouth as happy sighs.

Now, feel the bubbles starting in your belly, but this time think of the last time you did something that made you laugh...think of that moment as the bubbles float to your chest.

Hear friendly laughter as the bubbles burst...are you keeping the smile? Is your smile getting wider?

Do this for a minute.

Now how do you feel?

Can you see that we have the power to change our moods? We no longer have to let something "ruin our whole day".

LITTLE GOALS, BIG REWARD

Having a sense of accomplishment, a sense that we have "achieved" something is a great way to boost our morale and self-confidence. But an accomplishment does not have to be a medal, a trophy, a certificate - it can be something simple like managing to drink 8 glasses of water everyday.

Setting little targets for yourself, and reaching them is as important as winning a prize or trophy. Accomplishments are great for diluting our bad moods....when the critic tells us we are no good, the friend can remind us of our accomplishments and will look for the positive, always the positive, in every setback.

Realise that if you constantly compare yourself to others, you will be disappointed: there will always be people better and worse than you are at things. What matters is the confidence you build through achieving your own little targets. The more we have the discipline to achieve little targets, the easier it will be to achieve the really big goals in life.

Think of it as practising for success.

Take a minute to think of three things which you have achieved and which make you feel proud. They do not have to be huge accomplishments - they simply have to be reasons to feel good about yourself. Remember how you felt when you achieved them. Hold on to that feeling when you feel you have no worth. We all are unique and beautiful human beings.


Copyright (c) 2009 Positively MAD