Depression - What To Do When You Are At The End Of Your Rope

The feeling of being without options, penned in or that you want to just run away from your life, is a terrible one. Feeling like you are alone or going crazy and that there are no solutions is not a way to live. I've been there too many times to count and I look back in wonder and awe in how I not only made it through those times, but actually came back to a good place. There are spaces of time that I don't even remember because life was so difficult. You don't have to feel like that, there are things you can do to get out of 'the pit' and if you do them every time life throws you a curve ball or things get bad, you will get out of it faster, easier and be able to move way beyond where you started. Follow these steps; make them a part of your everyday way of thinking and you will be much less likely to ever be at the end of your rope again.

1. Find a quiet place where you will not be interrupted and be committed to allow yourself this time. Have a notebook and pen with you. You are here because you can't stand what is going on in your life, right now or anymore and realize something has got to change. That change starts here and now within you and your thinking.

2. Write down how or what series of events (it's never just one thing) got you to where you are now. Be specific, name names, record behaviors & decisions done/made, what could have or should have been done differently, also include what the goal was that you or others were trying to accomplish. List them in the order that they occurred, if possible. Include a list of things done or tried that did work or almost worked in achieving goals. It may help if you spilt the paper into two sides - what didn't work series of events and the outcome and the other side, what did work.

3.Right now, what is the most important thing to you? What do you want to see happen and how long are you willing or able to wait for it to happen. What would you be willing to give, do or pay to make that happen? Write all of these down.

4.Who do you have for support or who will help you? Who is an obstacle, how and why?

5.Why did you have to do 1-4 first before #5? Because you need to sit back and be able to see the 'picture' as it was created by you and other people, yours and their behaviors/decisions, realize what worked and what didn't and what goals did get met and which didn't and why.

6.Now you are going to brainstorm the different options or solutions that can help you achieve your immediate goal. Totally empty your mind, don't worry about anything except coming up with and listing different ideas. It doesn't matter if they make sense, seem impossible, and seem farfetched or just crazy. List let the ideas flow from your brain to the paper without thinking of them. Create a minimum of 12 ideas, more is great.

7.Look at your ideas, take each one and create two columns, one for ways it could work to solve your problem and the other the obstacles in the way for it to work to solve your problem. Do this for each idea.

8.Did one or more ideas seem to solve the problem? Can you find ways to overcome the obstacles? When you think about what ways you can use to overcome the obstacles, you may want to list the obstacle and then do two columns with one for what hasn't worked and the other on what has worked. Look at these two new columns, can you see ways to make things work so the obstacle can be lessened or eliminated?

9.Through the above process, you should have come up with at least one or more solutions for you to try to achieve what you want. The more you use this model and become proficient with it, you find that it works. You may not always like what the solution is but you know that if you do it, it is more likely or may completely solve your dilemma.

10.Once you determine how or what approach you are going to use to achieve your goal, stick to it. Your solution may not be liked by others, it may make you uncomfortable but you have thought it out and realize what you have to do - you now have a plan of action to make your life better. Taking action is the only way to get you out of a situation. Taking no action means that the circumstances you are in will continue and just hoping it will change is not enough and unlikely to happen. Stick to your guns, follow through with your plant of action and be part of the solution instead part of the problem and your life will be better, you happier and you will know that you've done the best your could.

What types of situations can your use these steps with? Any life situation is the answer and for any age. I've used them personally in marriage issues, divorce, terrible finance crisis's, raising children and in particular tough situation, medical issues, educational issues, work situations, friend situations, dealing with aging parents and family situations.

There is no quick fix and you will have to often review what you've written and sometimes modify it or try a different solution, but one will work for you. You can work your way out of your 'pit' into a better place but you have to be responsible for taking action, follow through with your plan of action - even when it's tough to do and others may not like your actions and never giving up. Life is too short to be in an unhappy place for long.