Dealing With Temper Tantrums In The Office

Imagine an office place where everyone behaved in a calm, rational, and adult manner. Wow, what a concept! Unfortunately, some people never completely grow up no matter their position in the company. From the mail room all the way up to the CEO in some cases, many people have adult bodies with the mentality of a two year old.

Like two-year-olds, people who throw temper tantrums believe they are entitled to get their own way. This group often includes immature high-level executives who believe that having power gives them the right to treat others any way they like. They feel free to abuse anyone who gets in their way.

However, the simple truth is that adult temper tantrums are a learned behavior. By the age of two the young child has learned that he or she can get anything they want, exactly when they want it by crying and screaming. The sad truth is that the child carried this immature behavior into adulthood - and it still works. It still gets them what they want because the adults on the opposite end of this childish onslaught keep letting them get away with it. We never confront them or tell them, "No!" As a result the behavior is constantly reinforced as an infantile mechanism for getting your own way. It's juvenile, immature, silly and very sad. What a crime that some people never grow up. They also have no clue as to what others are thinking about them.

If you have to deal with immature bosses, coworkers, employees, or team members, I hope the four suggestions below will help you keep your sanity.

1. The best response to a tantrum is no response at all. Stay quiet and calm until the person is relaxed and ready have a civilized conversation. Let them rant and rave without interruption until they run out of steam and are deflated. Never interrupt them or argue back. Never ask them to calm down or change their feelings. All of this will backfire on you. You can pass the time by watching their behavior in amazement and try to be entertained by it. If you try really hard you'll find that their infantile displays can be very amusing.

2. Never show fear, anger, or any other emotional response, since that will be very rewarding to the individual throwing the tantrum. Always remember that people act in certain ways because they have been taught there is some type of pay-off for their behavior. When someone acts this childish, you must be the adult. Your anger and fear can add fuel to the tantrum, and at the same time you are teaching them that they have control over you. You have taught them that the best way to get an emotional response from you is for them to have a "hissy fit." You have taught them how to push your buttons. For your own safety, peace of mind, and mental health; it is critical that you never reveal your buttons to anyone-EVER! This can be your down fall since corporate America has so many people who enjoy pushing other people's buttons.

3. Maintain your confidence and composure during this difficult situation. These are the qualities of an exceptional leader. Use relaxed body language, soft eye contact, and a gentle, respectful tone of voice to reduce the "emotional temperature" of the cry-baby adult.

4. Although it's tempting to avoid each other after a negative outburst or conflict; my research shows that it's better to try and keep the peace. In all of my seminars and trainings we teach our clients about treating each other with respect. This is a major key to enhancing productivity.

If you are a manager or supervisor who is not known for emotional outbursts, then teach your team to strive for open, honest conversations and problem solving. Teach your team to acknowledge situations that result in disagreements without an angry exchange. If this does not help, then give the whining co-worker a rattle, a bib and a bottle.

I wish you luck and success!