Dealing With Change

This article aims to help those leaving the armed forces when dealing with change during the transition into civilian life, but the principles are the same for most significant life changes we need, or want, to make.

It could be you want to make a change, which means you need to manage taking the first steps to get onto your new path. Perhaps you've decided to leave the armed forces and your first step could be finding out the earliest date which you can sign off.

Even when the new circumstances are your choice, the transition period still needs planning and coping strategies.

Or maybe the change is being forced upon you by medical discharge, redundancy or retirement. You may be feeling neutral about the imposed change - you didn't make the decision, but you're not really bothered. Conversely, you could be seriously aggrieved and feeling anger, disappointment and loss, on top of the change in your circumstances.

This may sound worse, however, the basic prinicples which you can use to smooth the process are much the same.

Whether the move is imposed or chosen, these are the basic feelings which it is normal to experience during transition. Even if you are relieved to be leaving the armed forces, there may still be issues to deal with.

1. Grief and feelings of loss

These could be related to loosing relationships, such as your mates, as well as lifestyles and habits formed during your time served. Don't dismiss them, but accept how you feel, be that anger or sadness, and understand they will subside, transition and evolve into something more constructive.

Imagine your best mate had been divorced from their spouse, what advice would you offer? Instead of moping around with nothing to do on the Saturday night usually occupied by a take-away and a film, how about finding a new interest or club to join?

Well, leaving the armed forces is much the same. Your routine has changed; you may be spending much more time on your own.

Don't focus on the gap - go out and fill it.

In many respects, the armed forces is like your mum. When you were young your mum sorted out the dentist, the doctor, food and basic needs. All of this seemed to be on tap, much the same as it is in the armed forces. When you leave, it can seem as if you've lost your mum. The best advice is not to wait until you're feeling ill and vulnerable before you decide to sort out the doctor. Do it now. Write a list of all the services you need and get them in place.

2. Fear

Napoleon Hill identified the six basic fears of man as, Poverty, Critisism, Ill-health, Loss of Love, Old Age, and Death. When leaving the armed forces, poverty and critism are probably key.

The first step in overcoming a fear is to recognise the symptoms, and if you fear poverty, you may recognise a few of these:

Indifference, or what appears to be a lack of ambition, mental or physical laziness and a willinghness to put up with poverty;

Sitting on the fence unable to make a decision;

Finding fault with others alongside spending beyond the household income;

Creating alibis and making excuses;

Envious feelings about the success of others;

A tendency to criticize;

Overcaution by looking at the negative side of every circumstance and considering every possibly failure, instead of looking for ways to make a project succeed;

Waiting for the 'right-time' to implement ideas, whilst seeking out examples of people who have also failed;

Procrastination by putting off jobs and finding excuses and a refusal to accept responsibility for getting a job done.

As we step into the unknown, and carry out unfamiliar tasks, our chance of getting it wrong increases and therefore our risk of criticism. The fear of criticism robs us of our intitiative and destroys our powers of imagination. It limits individuality and takes away self-reliance.

The effects of the fear of criticism on personal achievement can be catastrophic and here is how you can recognise this fear:

Feeling self-conscious, especially when meeting strangers;

Feeling the need to use big words, drive expensive cars, imitating others in dress, speech and manners or boasting of imaginary achievements;

Needing to 'keep up with the Jones' even beyond your income;

A lack of initiative and confidence in ones own ideas, and a failure to embrace opportunities for self advancement;

Fear of expressing opinions;

Deceit in both words and actions.

A lack of ambition which can appear as mental and physical apathy;

A lack of self assertion;

Slowness in reaching decisions;

Being easily influenced by others;

Criticizing people behind their back and flattering them to their faces.

We may be reluctant to own up to some of the above, even to ourselves. It is easier when we remember they are borne out of a fear, and not malice or weakness.

Progress depends on taking action despite our fears and the first stage is to recognise how a fear is influencing our behaviour. Our subconscious mind is brilliant at protecting us from unpleasant situations and helps us come up with justifications for our actions, instead of acknowledging our fears.

Imagine you want to set up a business after the army. You have a good idea and this could be the route to your financial freedom in years to come. However, you fear poverty and criticism. So your brain provides a few excuses to help you back down, such as: the children need a lot of attention and so this isn't the right time; I've only just got back into civilian life, I ought to settle in for another year or so...

The trick is to get tuned into when you are making excuses and ask yourself the question - what am I afraid of?

Keep in mind that dealing with change, even good change, usually leads to a drop in performance. This is a temporary feature, usually lasting a few weeks or short months. It is not a sign of incompetance, rather forward movement, just move through it and remember to learn from your mistakes.