Dating When You're Over Forty

Does the word SCARY come to mind, if you are over forty and thinking about entering the dating scene? Here are some coaching tips to help keep you safe, improve the odds of great dates, and to increase your self-confidence for Dating When You're Over Forty.

1.No dating until you have been single for one year. That holds true for anyone you may date too. Time is needed to get over the emotions of divorce and separation. You want yourself and your potential date to be carrying as little emotional baggage as possible from past relationships.

A year also gives you time to adjust to a different financial status, gain self-confidence, grow and change in the many ways that you do after a marriage or long-term relationship ends. There is no hurry and it is more important for you to develop your own new lifestyle, activities, routines, friends, and more before you think about adding dating.

2.Determine your dating goal. Are looking for a new permanent love, companionship, a friend to do things with, or are you not sure? Know your target group and be up-front about it so you won't hurt others. You'll also be less likely to get hurt and you won't waste time dating others who are not after the same thing as you either.

3.Don't approach dating as a way for someone to pay for your meals and drinks. Not only is it rude, it is one of the most common complaints of daters. Expecting someone else to pay is usually perceived as using that person, and that is not a good beginning to any potential relationship.

A confident woman who pays her own way (Dutch) is attractive to men, and it means you can leave at any time if things are not going well, (you feel the date is wasting your time or you're not interested in the person). Please be polite and have a speech prepared for such occasions so you can exit gracefully. By paying for yourself you also leave no false expectations for the other person.

Always meet in a public spot, do not carpool, and leave information with a friend of where you will be and with whom. Be very careful how much information you give out about yourself, such as where you live, where you work, your routines, and money, and know as much as you can about your date before meeting.
4.Be honest with yourself and with others. Knowing yourself is very important, as well as knowing what type of qualities you want your date to possess. Write yours and your potential date's traits down. Pre-screen them and don't waste your time if the potential date doesn't meet your criteria. You are better off alone then with the wrong person.

We'll address some signs/traits to look for in another article. If you are using the Personals, be honest about yourself and what you want. Be articulate. You cannot start any kind of relationship with a lie. Keep an eye out for situations or the type of partners that are not good for you. Beware of the types you get easily 'sucked' into, that are bad for you. Write those traits down on your list of traits that you don't want someone to have.

5.Go slow, there is no hurry. Be picky, but open minded. Keep living your own full life.

6.Many people use the Personals because they are not in a position to meet many potential dates. Other options include church, through volunteer activities and groups, friends, participating in activities or sports (you'll know they like at least one of the same activities you do), family, and taking classes.

7.If a date isn't great in the romance or chemistry department, look at it as a means to make a new friend that you can do things with until someone special comes along. Friends made this way mean that you do have many things in common and you can do fun things together, taking the pressure off of dating and finding someone special.

8.There are signs of the kind of men you should avoid--be on watch for them and avoid them. Don't be afraid to ask questions, get as much personal information from your date as possible. Feel free to check on where they live, work, go to or went to school, and even do a background check or credit check if you need to (the amount of information you can get on a person on the web is amazing and a bit scary).

If you aren't good at searching this type of information have a friend who can do it. This sounds terrible, but it is the sign of the times and I want you to stay safe and only have premium potential dating material. Why waste time and energy with a potentially dangerous date when it can be avoided

9.Sex - go at your own pace. When and where it happens is your choice, and you don't have to live by the standards our parents set for us. You are not 'easy' if you have sexual relations soon in the relationship--go with how you feel. Just make sure your partner is on the same page. Make sure your sexual activity is safe; oral condoms, condoms (even if you are on birth control because some sexually transmitted diseases can be spread just from the natural fluids (HPV) around the sexual area. You should ask your partner if they have any sexually transmitted diseases (especially HIV, Herpes, and/or HPV) to be safe and you should disclose if you have any. It isn't insurmountable and though it feels a bit embarrassing, it is better than catching something life threatening or something that you would have to endure the rest of your life. Your health is very important.

10.If you feel that being over forty is a death sentence for dating then you are very wrong. You may be older, not in a great financial place, and maybe have a few extra pounds. The ex may be having a grand time dating someone younger and thin, and though it may look like he is looking for Barbie, he doesn't realize yet he isn't Ken. There will be "using" on both ends and little common ground to keep that kind of relationship going.

As for you, you are mature, wiser by age, and have great attributes. You know yourself, what you want, and are going to only settle for that. You have skills, know what is important in life, and can handle life's problems. You can have good conversations too--try doing that with twenty somethings all day! You are beautiful as you are.

A woman told me, "you will know that you are with the RIGHT person when having them in your life makes life only half as difficult". I have found this to be true and if I lose my husband (#3 - that's for another article - was a slow learner), life would be 2 or 3 times more difficult. Dating When You Are Over Forty is an adventure--approach it prepared and you will have a grand time, new experiences, and find your RIGHT person.