Dating Again? How To Feel Comfortable With Someone Who Isnt Your Ex

Dating Again? How To Feel Comfortable With Someone Who Isnt Your Ex

By:


Dating again? How to Feel Comfortable With Someone Who Isnt Your Ex
Moving into a new relationship isnt as easy as putting on new socks. The longer you were involved in the last relationship, the more your heart roots are raw and exposed from the break up.



You probably have feelings of inadequacy and who wouldnt.



Youve just been dumped (or ended another failed relationship yourself) and you wonder, Whats wrong with me?



So right here and now, lets get one thing clear there isnt anything wrong with you.



But maybe you do have a few issues that drove your partner away.



So, before you make any new deep commitments, take the time to determine just what it was that might have driven your ex to leave you.



Simple personality differences - Maybe you just didnt click. After an initial attraction and time together, you found that you just didnt make a good fit. Thats okay. He started out as a sympathetic ear, but soon lost interest in your problems. She started out sweet and alluring but morphed in a shadow of your mom.



Insecurities on your part - Maybe you have some annoying qualities that undermined your old relationship that may carry over if you dont make an effort to change. So, whether youre a guy or a girl, nobody likes a clingy, possessive person who wont let them out of their sight.



If you were always checking up on him or if you were always calling her at work, you need to work on being more self-assured. Relationships are for two people giving and taking. If youre always taking, then youll wear out your welcome.



Whatever it was, now is the time to change those un-fun traits and become that kind of person others like to be with. You probably dont even realize this is a problem, so your close friend can help you see what can be changed.



But lets not get hung up on those things. Change the things that you can, but dont dwell on the things that are you that the other person just didnt like. Chances are, he or she was the one with the hang-ups, so leave it in the past.



Remember that you are a one of a kind individual with unique qualities to offer. Dont let a bad relationship cloud your chances to carry on and find Mr. or Mrs. Right. It may seem clich, but nobody is perfect. So stop trying so hard. Maybe just being you is all you need to do - instead of trying to be a little of everyone else.



Be real. Dont put on an act. Be fun loving and dont be afraid to be different. Be willing to stand out. Someone once said, Why are you trying so hard to fit in, when you were born to stand out?



Dos and Donts of Dating Conversations



Time for some pointers for you newly single men and women. There are some things to keep in mind that will make your dates a pleasant time for both of you:



DONT bring up your old boyfriend or girlfriend and rehash all the bad things he or she did to you. Nothing will turn a date off more quickly than a negative griper that goes over old dates.



DONT dominate the conversation with self-promotion. Bragging is a bore. Touch on your interests, but give the other person equal time Unless they just love to listen to you jabber about chromed mufflers or your sci-fi movie collection.



DO listen and ask questions about their interests. What do they do for a living? What are their favorite books, if they read? What kind of foods are their favorites (dating a vegetarian when you are a full-out carnivore can be very short lived unless you have other strong similarities in common).



DO talk about music likes and dislikes. Explore their personality through music. If he hates Bach and you love it it might be a bone of contention later - who knows?



DO talk about sports, if its your thing. Some people are totally into sports and some just arent.



DO talk about movies and see them together. But if he likes sci-fi thriller and you dont, try to find something else to see together.



DO talk about religion and politics. Maybe not on the very first date, but you need to know if these are things that could drive a wedge between you two later on. You will either see things eye to eye or not - and since this is a big sticking point for many, you shouldnt avoid it for too long.



Lets not forget the flirt factor. Maybe you dont think of the following as conversations, but in reality they are just the more silent kinds of conversation. Think about these:



DO flirt. Were talking eye contact and body language. Its a fact that the eyes tell it all. If youre interested in someone, theyll know your intentions more by how you hold their gaze.



Flirting is an art, of sorts. It isnt just about come hither or lets find a room look, either. Flirting is a way to let someone know youre interested. Some do it naturally. Laughing at his jokes, holding his gaze a moment longer than average and letting your eyes look away, punching his arm when he teases you these are just some things you can do to let someone know you like them.



As a matter of fact, some do this so naturally that it may come across as leading someone on when all they meant was to be friendly. Be careful who you punch and giggle at!



DO dress to attract. But dont dress in such a way that says, I am a part time hooker or gigolo, either. Thats desperate and wont attract solid life mates. Dress to look nice. Make up and perfume should enhance, not hide your true looks. Nicely trimmed hair and beards with clean pants and shirts do wonders for guys. Dress for the occasion.



DO set yourself up for success. Men girls love it when you compliment their looks, but dont begin to undress her with your eyes. It will turn her off if she sees you moving too fast.



Girls guys can be sort of slow at first and will need your help discovering you. They may be distracted with another interest, either another woman or cars or something, so help them notice you without getting trashy.







Dating Doesnt Equal a Relationship Replacement



Dont feel like just because youre seeing someone else that youre ruining your chances of getting back together with your ex. Dating should not be considered a replacement for a permanent relationship its non-threatening to both parties.



Yes, there will come a time, sooner or later that you either are ready to take it to the next level with some form of commitment or to stop seeing each other.



But dating in and of itself should be kept rather noncommittal. Most likely, the person youre dating probably wont consider these dates to constitute a relationship. Keep this in mind since youre so used to being one part of a couple.



If you look at dating like those sample tables at the grocery store where you get to have a good taste of the product before you invest in an entire package, then you can enjoy this time of meeting others.



The object of dating should be twofold: you are casually looking for your life mate, but you are also establishing healthy social relationships with friends of both sexes. Because you were burned the first time, it doesnt mean that you will this time - but you do need to take it slowly and with your eyes open.



Be honest about what your intentions are. Are you seriously looking for a life mate or are you hanging out, not intending to commit right now? Get this out in the beginning so both of you understand one another.



Maybe they were burned in a bad relationship, too, and just need some time to sort it out - and you can do that together.



But if you and they are looking for something permanent, say so. Be upfront about your intentions or you may be setting yourself up for another disaster. Get out there and meet people.



But go with your eyes open and guard your heart. Keep it light. There will be time enough to make commitments and settle down.



Dating is a fun time of meeting new people, of trying out a relationship with no expectations or commitments.



Fun is the operative word here, too. Not that you need to be in a constant state of hilarity - but do things you that enjoy with someone else.



A serious lifelong relationship starts with two people who enjoy similarities together and the best relationships are based on friendship. Dating lets you find that special friend.



I hope you have found this advice helpful for you on your journey to finding that someone special!


About the Author:
http://elenasmodels.com

http://www.womenrussia.com/freebook



Article Originally Published On: http://www.articlesnatch.com


Tags: , , , , ,

|

Loading...
Related....
Videos...

Recent UnCategorized Articles

Comments

Still can't find what you are looking for? Search for it!

Loading

Site Navigation:

Copyright 2005-2011 ArticleSnatch, LLC - All Rights Reserved.
Privacy Policy | Terms of Service.