Counseling - Fence Sitters - Insights For Dummies

Counseling - Fence Sitters - Insights For Dummies

By:


Sometimes the feelings we have about our relationship make no sense. Feelings of being trapped can seem so real. There isn't anyone holding you back physically, but what about emotionally? It's possible that you are dating or are married to the type of person I call a "fence sitter." It's a lot more common than people often realize.

A fence sitter never really fully commits to the relationship. No ladies, this is not something men are more prone to have trouble with. Getting legally married doesn't mean a person gets off the fence and gives it their all. Neither gender has the upper hand when it comes to fence sitting in a relationship.

Those who are dating or have married fence sitters often think the problem is about a lack of love. Love may have something to do the problem, but only a small fraction. Fence sitting is about avoiding making decisions for the health of the marriage.

Fence sitting people find themselves deceived into believing someone else can make them happy. They are looking for a rescuer. A fear of failure develops avoidance patterns in this person's area of decision making. They are more focused on what could go wrong than what could go right.

Those matched up with fence sitters face a stiff challenge. They have unknowingly been a part of the problem. Much of their time has been occupied trying to make up for this short fall of their mate. The fence sitter loves the help they receive. They won't be happy if they're now expected to take more responsibility for their life.

Those spouses who want more equality in the relationship will need to create new boundaries. As a result of the changes, some new friction points will need to be worked through. Stick with the process. The lack of participation in the relationship has become a habit for the fence sitter. You are expecting them to carry more of the emotional load in the relationship.

If you're a fence sitter that is ready to change, be patient. This sort of behaviour pattern is not a candidate for a quick fix. To a large extent, fence sitters have been taught to be helpless. Gaining competence in making marriage decisions is no different than any other area of life. It's important to start small.

Start by putting the marriage first. Most fence sitters put their work, children or relationships with friends and family first. They have learned to be relatively decisive in other areas of their life. The marriage is deserving of a greater amount of time and energy.

The payoff is tremendous. You're spouse will be happier for it. You will have earned more of his/her respect. Your feelings about yourself will definitely change for the better. Best of all, you will gain a lot of personal satisfaction for doing the right thing.

About the Author:
Chris Keenan is the founder of Easy Relationship Help. They provide a low cost alternative to traditional counselling. Their risk free approach to relationship help makes it easy for people to get the counselling help they need. "Why be all alone when you don't have to?"



Article Originally Published On: http://www.articlesnatch.com


Tags: , , , , , ,

|

Loading...
Related....
Videos...

Recent Home-and-Family Articles

Comments

Still can't find what you are looking for? Search for it!

Loading

Site Navigation:

Copyright 2005-2011 ArticleSnatch, LLC - All Rights Reserved.
Privacy Policy | Terms of Service.