Cosmetic Ear Surgery: Envious Ears

Its a common situation. Youre sitting with a friend and a gorgeous woman walks past the both of you. Your friend leans in to you and says, You think those are real? You respond, Totally implants. Those cant possibly be her real ears. Luckily, otoplasty (better known as cosmetic ear surgery) does not help you hear any better, so the gorgeous woman doesnt overhear your conversation.

What is it?
Otoplasty is a cosmetic surgery procedure that aims to reduce the size of large, floppy ears. While there are many different scenarios and procedures within the field of otolaryngology (an English word so suspiciously long, one might suspect its somehow German), the most common is referred to as pinning back the ears, which helps to correct ears that protrude too far from the head (2 cm from the back of the head, to be exact, though Im not sure what ear impresario decided that).

The surgery lasts somewhere around two hours and consists of a small incision being made behind the ear, in the crease where the ear and head meet. From there, the surgeon can remove skin and cartilage or possibly even reshape or trim the cartilage. Lastly, your newly sculpted cartilage will be secured by permanent stitches. The recovery period is generally quick (at least quicker than most plastic surgery procedures) and will probably require wearing soft dressings over the ears or possibly even a headband (maybe consider going on tour with Willie Nelson for the entirety of your headband/recovery time).

Besides pinning back the ears, otoplasty can cover mostly all of your cosmetic ear needs. Ear deformities can be corrected, such as lop-ear deformity, which occurs when the raised cartilage, which shapes the upper portion of the ear, does not form completely. Torn earlobes can also be corrected, and if youre missing an ear (perhaps Mike Tyson bit one of them off) you can opt for a brand new artificial ear, primarily constructed out of rib cartilage, soft tissue, and maybe a biomedical implant.

Who needs it?
Ear deformities completely justify otoplasty, first and foremost. Its less easy to justify surgery that generally ranges between $2,000 and $5,000, because you think your ears stick out too far from your head. But if youre willing to pay, and there are always people willing to pay, then shoot for some otoplasty if you feel it will raise your self-esteem. In all honesty though, after perusing through many different before and after pictures, I sometimes had trouble identifying which was the before and which was the after.

That being said, otoplasty is considered to be one of the most popular plastic surgery procedures among men, probably due to the higher visibility of the ears on account of shorter hair (excluding Fabio of course, who isnt so much of a man as he is a stallion). However, otoplasty will benefit children, as young as four or five, more than anyone. It makes sense, considering that the only time you will probably ever be harassed for having retarded ears is during adolescence.

Benefits
One of the biggest benefits of cosmetic ear surgery is that it has one of the lowest risk rates among plastic surgery. On top of that, otoplasty can correct a wide range of ear deformities, such as large ears, small ears, protruding ears, cupped ears, cauliflower ears, and folded ears. But of course, the most evident benefit is psychological (this is cosmetic surgery, folks), which means you feel less likely to be a target, naturally raising self-confidence by eliminating bullies.

Risks
Though otoplasty is considered low-risk, complications can possibly occur, such as infection, overcorrection, and, in extremely rare cases, altered hearing. In addition to that, common side effects from the procedure are postoperative pain, itching, and occasional numbness, though all of these can be easily treated with medication.

The bottom line
Due to its low risk nature, otoplasty is can be a quick fix for deformed ears, whether naturally deformed or deformed from an accident. However, its a lot of money for a problem that, in terms of adults, seems rather trivial, especially if your ears are only slightly larger than normal. The procedure appears to be more appropriate for children but lets face it, children getting plastic surgery seems a little dubious as well. And plus, look what great things big-eared people have done with their lives: Martin Lawrence had his own sitcom and was nominated for an MTV movie award for his portrayal of Big Momma in the unforgettable Big Mommas House; Prince Charles is a freaking prince; Will Smith, who is technically a prince as well, wrote and performed Gettin Jiggy Wit It, which is considered by some (me) to be the national anthem; and come on, lets not forget our president, Barack Obama, letting big-eared kids all around the country know that someday they can be president too.

The information in the article is not intended to substitute for the medical expertise and advice of your health care provider. We encourage you to discuss any decisions about treatment or care with an appropriate health care provider.