Coparenting: Making Joint Child Custody Work

I recently had lunch with a friend of mind who is now a divorced parent. As we were talking, we discussed her child custody situation and how that was going. She and her former spouse have decided to try a coparenting agreement. They rotate weeks and weekends with their two sons. They've had this arrangement for a few months now, and my friend expressed how happy she was with how it was going. She also told me that it took a lot of work in the beginning, but that work has paid off. I asked her what advice she would give to other divorced parents who are attempting a joint child custody agreement. Here are some of the things we talked about.

One of the biggest struggles parents have with joint custody is keeping track of the schedule. Because coparenting can involved a lot of pick up and drop off times, depending on the schedule, it can be difficult to know who has the child when. My friend said that creating a solid parenting plan with a good schedule and calendar helped eliminate a lot of confusion. She and the boy's other parent sat down together and made a year long calendar.

This calendar clearly marked both parent's time with the kids in a different color. The pick up and drop off times where printed on the day they happened. The holidays were also clearly marked. Both parents have a copy of this calendar, and if there are any changes for the month, they can easily put them in. The calendar is on the wall, and it is only a custody calendar (my friend has another calendar for other events). This helps keep things organized.

Another important factor with joint custody is the communication between the parents. It is essential that both parents are keeping the other parent informed about the child's activities and school events. My friend and her former spouse have a meeting on the phone once a week. She says they have a set time where they call and discuss issues about the children. They limit their meeting to a half hour because she said that helps them think of the call like a business meeting. My friend said that she writes down the things during the week that she wants to discuss so that she remembers to bring them up.

The last thing that we talked about was enjoying the time with and without the kids. My friend says that she makes a conscious effort to enjoy the time she has with her children--and this has helped her to be better parent. She also said that she has learned to enjoy the time the boys are with their father. She has been able to take some pottery classes and spend some time developing other talents. This has helped to balance her life so that she can spend time doing things she likes.

We both agreed that it's important for the parents to enjoy their lives and to be happy because that will spread to their children. The children will see that the parents are enjoying the custody time, and they will also enjoy it. And, that really is the goal for coparenting.