Control Your Wedding Without Being A Bridezilla

My favorite advice column is tend to have at least one weekly beef with a bridezilla. It seems that more and more of the marrying kind not only allow their wedding plans to rule their own lives, they also rapidly conquer the couple's inner circle of family and friends.

Such brides-to-be don't usually get much sympathy, but I know how important it is to keep some semblance of control over the happenings on your big day. So how can you strike a balance as you try to keep everyone's goodwill but also put together the wedding of your dreams?

Well, it's not easy, and there is bound to be some degree of drama along the way--simply because all big events cause stress to accumulate in all involved parties--but you can make the path to the aisle a little smoother by following these tips.

First, you need to be able to pick your battles, especially when it comes to what people wear. Through all the weddings I've been involved in, I have heard so many individuals, especially from the wedding party and family, gripe about proscribed clothing. If you want it to be a formal occasion, indicate that on the invitation. If you'd prefer family members wear something akin to your color scheme, spread the news by word of mouth or a friendly e-mail. But then let it go.

However, when it comes to the wedding party--bridesmaids in particular--you do need to be more assertive. Because girls can be so finicky about this type of thing, it's best to start discussions about budget and style fairly early on.

My best friend, using her modest wedding dress as a guide, gave us color and modesty requirements and allowed each bridesmaid to select her own gown. Her line of thinking was that this will give her wedding party a more "organic" feel, which is becoming increasingly popular across the country.

Don't trouble yourself over hairstyles, nails, or other details unless you are concerned members of the bridal party may go to an unattractive extreme, and if you must broach the subject, be polite, not demanding.

Try to focus on the big picture. Major ingredients to a beautiful wedding include an elegant, modest wedding dress, the reception venue, table centerpieces, and the bouquet. Direct your energy toward being organized and making those major elements come together. If you feel like you don't have the time or ability to get it to come together, hire a wedding planner to take charge for you. He or she will be assertive on your behalf.

Whenever you do need to put your foot down, be firm but gracious. Though the stress may make you want to have a meltdown, try to avoid tears and shouting to get your way. Remember that the point of all this is to celebrate the love you share with your spouse-to-be. When wedding planning starts getting far away from that ideal, you need to tone it down.