Connection And Confidence In Any Conversation

Connection And Confidence In Any Conversation

By:


When you're meeting someone for the first time, there are some key secrets to engaging them in conversation. The first point is very simple, and even easier to remember. I’ll even scream it out in big, bold letters so you can remember it:

PEOPLE LOVE TO TALK ABOUT THEMSELVES.

If you can get someone talking about him/herself, inevitably that person will leave the conversation thinking, “Wow — I really enjoyed talking to that person.” The reason, without delving too far into the psychobabble behind it, is that we like talking to people who take an interest in us. Those people make us feel welcome and appreciated…as long as it’s sincere. If not, then forget it — most people can detect insincerity faster than rotten eggs in a coat closet.

The trick is balancing your own interests with other people’s, and then finding common ground on which to proceed. Even if you have very specialized interests, there are always some safe topics you can bridge to get things going.

Let’s say you’re at a party or some other social function, and there’s a person standing over by the punch bowl. A simple “hi” with a nice smile behind it is enough to open up the interaction. You can follow it by asking how that person knows the party hosts, or has that person been here long, or anything light. Offer your name, ask theirs, and keep the questions simple and easy in relation to your present environment or something related to what’s going on in the world that everyone’s talking about.

Then what?

Well, again…safe topics. Stuff like music (I spent all afternoon filling up my new iPod — anything I should be checking out?), movies (my Netflix queue is almost empty — got any suggestions?), travel (taking any road trips this summer?), food (I can’t seem to find a good pizza joint; where do you like to go?), and so on. Once you’ve established that rapport, you’ve laid the groundwork to get to know more about that person and offer bits of info about yourself in the process.

Another secret is using what’s called “open-ended questions.” A closed-ended question is something to which a person can only answer with a “yes,” “no,” or something with a simple, one or two-word answer. An open-ended question is one that can only be answered with a longer answer.

For example, let’s say you want to get someone talking about their favorite place to travel to on vacation, and you know they like to have an adventure in warm, sunny places.

Closed-ended version:

“Have you ever been to Catalina Island?”

Unless that person is really into the conversation and wants to make an effort to keep it going, you’re only going to get a “yes” or “no” answer.

Open-ended version:

“There are so many great warm places — if you won a free trip and got to go anywhere, where would you go?” …to be followed up with, “Why would you go there?”

During their answer, that person is giving you clues and strings to pull to get further into the conversation. Based on their answer, you could follow it with questions like:

“What have you heard about that place?”

“Where else would you like to go?”

“What’s the food supposed to be like there?”

“What are some of the landmarks to check out?”

Inevitably, he/she wants to go to that place for a reason — you just have to ask the correct, open-ended questions to get to that reason.

All of this should be accompanied by friendly-but-strong eye contact, inviting stance (uncrossed arms), and a positive, confident attitude, as it has been shown that communication is much more about body language than what’s coming out of your mouth. You basically want people to feel like you don’t need to have this conversation, but rather you’re choosing to because you find this person interesting. This way you avoid coming off as needy, and you are sincerely enjoying his/her company and not just trying to look for someone to talk to.

The key is to TRY it. Don’t be afraid to just walk up and talk. This is a great way to build your confidence, too!

About the Author:
Characterized by his booming baritone voice and unending parade of often-inappropriate one-liner jokes, Benjy Portnoy’s existence revolves around a simple and powerful mission; to strive for humor, for connection, and enjoy every last taste, sound, smell, color, and experience that crosses his path.
Driven by fierce loves of cooking, music, physical/emotional health, and travel/exploration, he creates podcasts, videos, and articles to help people learn how to enjoy their lives. His highly-successful 5-day SavorSampler video series is available for free at http://www.SavorMyLife.com



Article Originally Published On: http://www.articlesnatch.com


Tags: , , , , ,

|

Loading...
Related....
Videos...

Recent Men's-Issues Articles

Comments

Still can't find what you are looking for? Search for it!

Loading

Site Navigation:

Copyright 2005-2011 ArticleSnatch, LLC - All Rights Reserved.
Privacy Policy | Terms of Service.