While managing conflict at work and managing conflict in personal relationships require many of the same skills, there are four important differences that you should be aware of. Knowing these differences will help you to navigate the different challenges of these situations with greater success.
Personal conflicts can be more destructive.
We feel a greater freedom to say much more destructive things to those we love than we will say to people we work with. While there are plenty of bad behaviors in the office, rarely will someone scream I hate you to a co-worker. Such unprofessional behavior would likely not be tolerated by management.
There are two other reasons that personal conflicts can be more destructive: (1) there is a higher emotional intensity to the conflict in a personal relationship than in a conflict at work, and (2) we know more precisely what to say to hurt someone in a personal relationship because we know them better.
Work conflicts have less emotional impact.
The emotional consequences of failing to manage conflict at work will generally be less devastating than failure to manage conflict in a personal or romantic relationship. Because we tend to expose more of our private thoughts and have less of a protective shell in a personal relationship, failure to manage conflict will be more destructive. The emotional impact of a divorce is likely to be far greater and last longer than losing a job. While both work and personal conflicts need to be managed carefully, resolving the personal conflict will require more effort but will deliver more rewards.
Personal conflicts have different expectations.
When managing conflict at work there is less of a need to make the other person feel loved or to take into account personal feelings. Of course we never want to have destructive conflict in any situation, but in work conflict getting results and reaching company objectives can be more important than hurt feelings. In a personal conflict, feelings may be paramount so extra time and effort may need to be invested.
Conflict at work can be arbitrated by a higher authority.
In a work conflict there is boss or other higher authority that can settle the dispute and impose a solution if the parties cant resolve it themselves. Even when the parties in a personal conflict seek out a counselor, the counselor doesnt have the ability to impose a solution if everyone is not in agreement. Because in a work situation a superior can impose a solution, it is easier to resolve work conflict.
Being aware of these four differences will make you more effective at managing conflict at work and in your personal relationships.
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(This article copyright 2010 and may be used with full credit given to author.)
