Conflict Management - Three Steps To Venting Your Anger

How to deal with conflict becomes an easier task and conflict management will not take a toll on your reputation if you follow these three steps to venting your anger.

It's tough to know in times of conflict how to get the anger out of your system. You know that it's probably not going to help your professional relationships if you allow conflict and your angry response to a situation get the better of you.

Help is on the way. These three steps will help you deal with the anger that can come from conflict. You'll also see how using these three steps will allow you to release the anger, but preserve your public image and your reputation at work.

Let's first look at the impact of your anger on your reputation at work, and why you won't be practicing these three steps to venting anger with co-workers.

Do know that everyone feels angry sometimes, and it's not a sign of a weak character when it's your turn to feel angry! The only catch is, of course, people are always watching and judging you. In fact, everybody judges everybody, that's just human nature.

You'll want to be especially cautious about expressing anger at work because of how memory works.

Did you know that it's easier to remember something when emotions are high? That's why it's easier to recall something especially good or especially bad; emotions run high during these times, and you'll have an easier time recalling surrounding events.

Here's what this means to you: If you're feeling angry, chances are better than good that your body language, tone, attitude and conversation will reflect that angry. Everything you say and do can and will be used against you. An angry attitude will be easier to remember, along with anything else you do when you're in a bad mood.

You are likely someone who cares about how others see you and would like to take every advantage to be your best self forward. Great idea.

This means when you're in a foul mood, as much as possible, fly below the radar at work! If you can stay in your office or cubicle, do so! If you can pass on making idle chit chat, it might be best.

Save your reputation by never again telling people at work that you are "angry." That's because of how easy it is to recall strong emotions and because you of course, are working on building up your reputation, public image, and professional relationships.

People simply feel uncomfortable around people who are angry.

It also threatens your credibility and your ability to form a steadfast reputation as someone who can be counted on, *even* when the going gets tough.

Additionally, psychologists tell us anger is a masking emotion. You're not really angry. You're really embarrassed, or hurt, or afraid, etc. But you don't have the "emotional literacy" to express it. Emotional literacy is being able to identify and express your underlying emotions.

What's an angry person to do to vent all this anger? Follow these three steps:

Step One: Tell someone who cares. Seriously. Tell someone who cares about you personally and knows you well enough that this instance of anger is not who you usually are. They know you well. And they care about you enough to let you "dump" on them. You are there for each other. It's in the friendship contract.

Step Two: Tell them why you're telling them. They say one of the classic communication differences between women and men is that when a woman tells a man her story of woe, he thinks she wants him to fix it. When she tells a girlfriend, the girlfriend says, "That stinks!" and empathizes.

So, sometimes you want the empathy, and sometimes you could use a fresh perspective on the whole thing. Make sure your listener knows what you're asking of them.

Step Three: Tell yourself what you're going to do about it. This is BIG. Say out loud something like this. "Gina, I need to vent, do you have 10 minutes? Good. Look, I know there's a way out of this, but right now, I don't want to hear it. I just want to get this off my chest. And when I'm done venting in 10 minutes, I'll come up with the best solution."

Your subconscious mind now has a clear objective, "Find the best solution in 10 minutes." Amazingly, you'll frequently find yourself in just a few start minutes turning to defining the problem and coming up with a clear-headed way to deal with it.

And if you don't? Well, ask your friend if you can vent for 10 more minutes! A true friend will let you, and you will still know the goal is to come up with the best solution.

Follow steps one through three when you need to vent that anger that often comes up from conflict. You'll feel better, and you'll preserve your professional image.