Communication In Marriage

Having a good communication in marriage is one of the essential ingredients to having a successful relationship. A successful communication among couples is not a given thing. Often, a couple enters into marriage without effective communication skills. Good communication starts with listening. More often than not, we like to talk more than we would like to listen. We interrupt our spouse in the midst of expressing her ideas to us and to supplant it with our own ideas. It is as though that their opinions and ideas are not worth listening to. We are often impatient and judgmental. At the same time, we regard our ideas and opinions as the right ones. When our partner expresses opinions which are not according to our preferences, we dismiss them straight away.

Poor listening skills
Before delving deeper into the ways to develop good listening skills, what are some of the factors that can be classified as poor listening skills? Often, we assume that we know what our spouse is going to say. Have you encountered instances whereby you talk half way through and before you know it, someone else finishes the sentence for you? How do you feel at that point of time? At other times, rather than listening to what our spouse has to say, we are preparing for the response. In doing this, our spouse will feel slighted as our responses might not be what she is expecting to hear. Other common occurrences are for us being distracted by our surroundings. Instead of listening to the conversation, our mind is preoccupied with something else.

How to improve listening skills
So, how do we develop good listening skills?

Active listening
Rather than babbling away, try to restrain this habitual tendency. We are born with two ears and one mouth for a reason. When your spouse is in the midst of expressing her ideas, give her your full attention. For this, let your mind to stay focus on your spouse and restrain from being distracted by the surrounding environment. By developing this habit of active listening, your spouses subconscious mind will take note of this, and she will feel more appreciated. Then, it will be quite natural for her to develop the same skill towards your self. By active listening, you are not only listening to what she has to say, but her tones, pitch and volumes are equally important. For example, you will then be able to observe better the mood which your spouse is currently in. Is she happy, excited or stressed and frustrated? Observing these cues will help you in tailoring your response better.

Have an open mind
What it means by this is to withhold any judgment against what your spouse has to say. Rather than approaching a conversation with I am right, you are wrong kind of attitude, be courageous enough to hold judgment. There might be a possibility that you are in the wrong and that your spouse is right.

See where your spouse is coming from
This is part of the empathetic listening skills. Even though that we know for sure that our spouse is in the wrong, it is still more prudent to let her finish what she has to say. Often, our reactive mind will stop the conversation right away and we try to correct the mistakes of our partner. This will only lead to frustration for our spouse. Do unto others of what you wish others do unto you.

Negative Emotions management
I must admit that this is a difficult task, especially in the midst of strong negative emotions such as anger, fear or despair. When our fragile mind is in the grip of anger, for example, more often than not, we lose control of our mind. We stop listening. We are becoming the slaves to our mind. During this time, try to refrain from saying words or performing actions that we will regret letter. One good practice to control our reactive mind is through being mindful. By being mindful, we will better observe the state of our minds, whether in the state of elation or despair. With this practice, we will gradually gain control of our minds in the midst of negative emotions.

By practicing the effective listening skills consistently, the message that you bring to your spouse is that of love, empathy and caring. Your spouse will feel that she is more valued and appreciated. A happy marriage often entails with good listening skills between spouses.