Cheating Spouses - How To Forgive - Is It Required Early On?

Cheating Spouses - How To Forgive - Is It Required Early On?

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You've been on the receiving end of one of the many cheating spouses out there or maybe more. How to forgive, you may ask yourself, but is it even required early on after you make your unfortunate discovery? Maybe not. At the beginning, let yourself off the hook. For now.

Forgiveness is a powerful act. It is also overwhelming with the pressure society puts on us to forgive.

Have you asked yourself what forgiveness is to YOU? How on earth do you even start to forgive (if you want to) after such a painful discovery?

Forgiveness may not be required, and here's why. Your spouse is (or was) someone in whom you placed your 100% trust. Once that trust was broken, it will be like attempting to summit Mt. Everest to even begin to consider forgiveness and trying to move on with your life. Not to mention the images in your head, and your crushed sense of self-worth. These couple of factors obviously make it nearly impossible to start to forgive your spouse.

Start with what forgiveness means to you. Everyone has their own definition. Begin with what your definition of forgiveness is. Jot down what your understanding is of forgiveness. Also, define what "I'm sorry" means to you. How does it affect you? Does it ring true? What feelings come to the surface? Does it hold a power over you?

Additionally, what if your spouse has no remorse? What if your spouse hasn't asked you for forgiveness? Could you go on rebuilding your marriage or relationship without an apology? Will you feel as if you're in limbo?

Couples do want to move on and repair and rebuild their relationships, but they have not defined their own ideas of what forgiveness is. Or what an apology means to them. This is the beginning. Sometimes, this is the only way to move forward so that you can repair and rebuild your marriage.

Dr. Frank Gunzburg, a licensed psychologist for over 30 years, has helped and is continuing to help couples rebuild and repair their marriages/relationships with his proven system. He has developed a program, How to Survive an Affair. And in Section 9 of this program, Dr. Gunzburg shows you a method you can use to work towards an alternative to forgiveness. It is a strategy that most counselors may never have considered.

Dr. Gunzburg, in his program, explains that the cheater needs to apologize which includes these 6 steps:

* Understand the injured person's pain.

* Express of this understanding.

* Accept FULL responsibility for the affair

* Realize he or she doesn't want to be the kind of person that would lie, cheat, or have an affair

* Make an unequivocal statement about his or her commitment to the marriage

* Promise everlasting fidelity

Everyone who has been the victim of infidelity deserves an apology. But a simple apology isn't enough. You want the cheater to fully understand the pain you're going through and get a grip on how much they've hurt you. And that is the requirement. Early on, forgiveness is not.

About the Author:
For more info on how to stop the pain move forward and start to rebuild your marriage, please visit my Surviving An Affair blog. This article was originally posted in Ezine Articles.



Article Originally Published On: http://www.articlesnatch.com


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