Can We Be Too Positive?

There is much written about the importance of being positive. The theory is that if you see things through an optimistic lens, not only are things more likely to turn out well, but you will feel better anyway. The 'glass half full' mentality does serve folks well. By way of contrast, it is fairly clear that observing life through a negative lens can cause depression, and can certainly reinforce one. The theory behind cognitive behavioural therapy is that altering the way you think can improve your life prospects markedly.

So positive thinking is the way forward then. But is it always good? Should we always be positive? In this article, I suggest that always viewing things through a positive lens is not a good thing. Remaining unconditionally positive carries an impact on your wellbeing, relationships and life. Let's look at this this in more detail.

1. Your health

There are several surveys that have been done into the correlation between your outlook on life, and your wellbeing. Broadly speaking, people were divided into categories, defined according to how they viewed life and the events and challenges encountered during it. The results are rather interesting.

We would generally expect 'glass half empty' folks to suffer the biggest health issues, and this is definitely the case. Of course, these people might retort that they wouldn't be as downbeat if they were healthier! But in general, negative people are more unhealthy than more optimistic types.

So far so good then. But here's the sting.....Another group who apparently suffer from below average health are those who always see and talk about life in positive terms. Why is this happening? Here's my take then. The people in this group would be what I call 'false positives'. They are so because they have a deep held belief in not saying negative things about self, others or anything. They won't permit themselves the luxury of a bad day, avoid confronting issues, and let their feelings into the open. What doesn't come out gets buried, buried deep in our bodies over time, this suppression creates 'health grenades' that if left for long enough, explode in our bodies.

I write from personal experience, having had a couple of health scares myself. Getting old stuff into the open is a good thing to do for our health. From my personal experience, I've seen too many 'nice' people die prematurely of cancer and the like. So storing things up and not recognising an adverse situation does not serve us well. Being unconditionally and deeply negative doesn't serve us well either. So what does?

The healthiest group is what I'd describe as the realistically positive, those who generally see life through a positive lens. But when things aren't progressing well, they let it go, and let others know. Hopefully they do so without upsetting others, but that's another issue! In other words, they emphasise the positive, but don't suppress the negative.


2. Your relationships

False positives are generally not great folks to be with. Not only can they land as inauthentic or false, but they can raise the stress levels of those they come into contact with. Here's an example to highlight why.

I once had a manager who was unconditionally upbeat, and he was generally a nice guy. But he avoided confrontation as a way of life. One day, he strolled into the office just as two key staff were cooling down from a confrontation that had got personal. I had become involved, and to say there was an atmosphere would be a huge understatement! Anyway, at this time, the aforementioned manager walked in, surveyed the scene, smiled and uttered the immortal words - "isn't it fantastic to see so much talent in this team!". So much for a positive outlook helping the position. Most of us could have happily throttled him, and his intervention resulted in the tension levels increasing further, but being suppressed. Unconditional positivity increases the stress in other people sometimes.


3. Your life

Being 'falsely positive' is bad for your life. Why do I emphasise this? Let's open with a quote Steve Nobel said a number of years ago - "We can grow through inspiration, or from desperation". This comment has stayed with me over the years. However, an analysis of why people change highlights that, for most folks, the desperation aspect has a stronger pushing force in change. That's why change most often happens as a result of adversity - be it a change of career, collapse in a relationship, or a company taking emergency measures to survive. Vision and inspiration alone are not enough. Even visionary people, like Nelson Mandela for example, started from a starting point of desperation.

Ask yourself a question, what prompted your last significant life change? Most people will reply in a way that includes an element of crisis, or even worse.

Against this evidence, I hardly need to say that seeing everything in 'good' terms is a surefire way of never implementing the changes you need to make. Instead of verbalising the pain and disappointment, you internalise it, and pay with poor health later on. To a degree then, we should call a spade a spade. If something in our life is 'not working', we should call it that way.

Being 'generally positive'

To conclude, being consistently downbeat and negative is not the answer. But the 'false positive' is not a lot better - either for the person concerned or for anyone else. The most fruitful approach is the 'generally positive' approach to living. View the glass as half full most of the time, and yes, look for the silver lining in setbacks - learning is important, and you will feel better as a result. But don't pigeon-hole everything as 'wonderful' or 'good' when it's not. Life is a battle sometimes - the questions are 'where is it a struggle' and 'what do you do when it's like that'. The healthy and authentic response is to accept when things aren't good, but not to over-emphasise it, or ruminate on it. Deal with the issue, move on, learn the lessons, and focus on the future through a more optimistic lens.