Avoid Being Walked Over - The 3 Tips That Will Show You How

Have you always wanted to please people and seek their praise? Are you afraid of upsetting people? Do you want to come across as "nice" so that you have more friends? But, when we allow the needs, opinions or judgment of others to become more important than our own, we may feel hurt, anxious and even angry because we feel that we are being walked over. Learning to be assertive means not saying "yes" when we really mean "no", is how we can avoid being walked over. By being more assertive and by learning to communicate in a direct, open and honest way, you will find that you can defend yourself when confrontation happens. When you do this, immediately respect will follow and people will approach you differently and treat you in a better way. Even family and friends need to know one's limits and will admire you for it. The following steps need to be taken to avoid being walked over:

1.Learn to say no. Allow yourself to be selfish. You don't want to babysit your neighbour's kids or help your friend with her school work. Don't feel guilty about this, they can always find somebody else to be walked over!! YOU need to avoid being walked over. Be firm, you don't have to give an explanation or any apologies, it doesn't fit with my schedule is fine. If you find saying "no" difficult, use stalling techniques to give you more time i.e. "Let me think about it or I will get back to you soon".

2. Express yourself. Discuss calmly and speak up right away when something bothers you or you feel that you've been wronged. If you miss your chance on the spot, plan your strategy to bring up the issue privately later. It is wrong to assume others should be able to spot your hurt or anger if you don't say what you feel. The first step to expressing yourself is to identify the behaviour that concerns you; e.g. "when you put me down about the way I look...." Then to communicate your feelings about the behaviour; e.g. "I feel angry and deflated...." Then lastly, express what you want to happen for next time; "and I would like you to consider my feelings and not do it again". What is the worst that can happen? You are not being rude, disrespectful or loud, you are just expressing yourself. Don't be submissive and make it easy for people to get their own way, avoid being walked over by clarifying your needs.

3. Stop being agreeable. Refuse to take on extra work or commitments. Start with phrases like" I can't agree to that at such short notice" or "If I take on these extra commitments, I feel that I will be stretched". Practice various scenarios with a friend first and then ask them to comment on it later so that you can improve further.

Although it can be daunting to start behaving more assertively, you will find that it has many benefits. When you act in an assertive way you communicate better and command respect in both your colleagues and friends. You will feel much better in yourself having communicated your feelings, like a weight being lifted off your chest and you can show that you are not going to be walked over by anybody, without a fight!