Authenticity - Who Do You Become By The Decisions You Take?

It was when I was travelling in New Zealand that I saw the man fall off the bridge. Not any bridge, but a high suspension bridge spanning a deep gorge. For a moment I didn't believe what I was seeing. I held my breath as the figure fell as if in slow motion through thin air.

Then I felt a huge wave of relief as I noticed that he was strapped to a safety harness which unravelled behind him like an unopened parachute. Perhaps he was a maintenance worker; it seemed as if there was some kind of temporary platform in the middle of the bridge.

When I got nearer, the truth became clear. It was my introduction to bungee jumping! Curious to find out more, I walked out onto the bridge and found the platform where other jumpers were getting ready. I looked down to the river far below and was almost sick at the thought of leaping off. I quickly left, resolving to stay well away from this 'crazy activity'.

For many years afterwards, I could not understand why people were drawn to this kind of thing. Were they showing off? Was it just for an adrenaline rush? Looked at rationally, what was the point? Surely, it does not improve the environment or contribute to a better society.

Then there were other activities that seemed to make no sense. For example, why spend all day fishing to then return the catch? Why spend many hours cooking when a tasty nutritious meal can be made in a fraction of the time? Why redecorate a room that is already perfectly delightful?

When we focus only on the outcome of the task, it does not appear to be meaningful. From this we can easily conclude that, as we cannot see a meaningful result, there is no point doing the task.

Significantly we often use this 'logic' to stop ourselves doing things that would really benefit us. We may be drawn intuitively to an activity but deny ourselves because there is no 'real point'.

For example, Toby had never learned to play a musical instrument but he seemed to be drawn to the trombone. At 38 years old, he was fascinated by its sound and looks. Yet he thought that there was no point in learning because he would never be fully proficient because of limited spare time. Besides he would never make a professional player so it would just be a drain on his finances. In short, there was no 'point'.

Fortunately there is another way of looking at this - a perspective that offers liberating consequences for us all. Let's ask a different question. Instead of asking 'What do I achieve by doing this thing?' let's ask 'Who do I become by doing this thing?'

Like the bungee jumpers, Toby realised that what mattered was the person he grew to be: either someone who was quietly frustrated and unfulfilled or someone who did what was important to them, irrespective of tangible results.

As a consequence of this new thinking, he went on to take up the trombone and now, several years on, he even plays in a small jazz band. While he makes no money, he knows that he would have regretted missing the opportunity to express his musical side. Playing has brought him much enjoyment too. No one can take this away from him.

So when you are evaluating whether to take a particular step, whatever questions you ask yourself be sure to include 'Who do I become by doing this?'