Assisted Living - When It's A Good Idea

I just can't make a decision yet, said the lovely Amelia, aged 85, alone, frail and living in a run down house with multiple levels and too much clutter. "I need to go through all of these papers first." She pointed to a pile of dusty paper that had obviously been sitting on her coffee table for month.

Amelia had been referred to me by the Director of a beautiful assisted living community that was holding a sunny, garden view apartment just for her. Was she finally ready to make the move? They couldn't hold the apartment much longer.

We talked about her loneliness and boredom,and how much she was looking forward to being around people again. Amelia loved to talk and despite her frailty, was smart and funny and had interesting stories to tell. Now, widowed, no family or children, most of her friends gone, her only connection with the outside world was her television and a life alert style necklace, which instead of being around her neck, was tied and dangling from her walker. I suggested that it go around her neck instead but she insisted on keeping it right where it was.

The house was dirty, dark and cluttered. Too much furniture and too many electrical cords snaking around every table and chair. Amelia's TV watching chair was broken and missing the back cushion. The family room stepped down and the kitchen stepped up. The bathtub had no grab bars. I saw danger everywhere.

As a Senior Move Manager, it is my greatest pleasure to help seniors get to safer living and re connect with the world. I held both of Amelia's hands in mine, looked into her eyes and said, "Amelia, Let's get you to a safe place first and we can go through all your paperwork later. We'll take it with us. I'll help you sort it all out. This is an unsafe place for you. We can start immediately. I promise you'll love your new apartment. "I know", said Amelia. "I'll call you soon."

Amelia never called. Instead, the Director of the Assisted Living community called to tell me that Amelia had had an accident in her home. A "friend" had propped Amelia's TV chair on four bricks to make it easier for her to launch herself forward to get up. She and the chair came crashing down. Amelia had broken both legs. Since she couldn't reach her life alert tied to her chair, Amelia had laid on the floor for 2 days before being discovered. Now in a nursing home, on oxygen, she was not expected to live. She would not be needing my services.

I hung up the phone and put my head in my hands. I thought back to my visit with this darling lady. She told me she had courageously traveled alone by train from New York all the way West during WWII, meeting her beloved husband Mike at a USO dance and making a life for herself in California, I wanted to cry. Oh, Amelia, you left it too late and now you are dying. I am so sad and so mad at you too!

This story is all too common and heartbreaking. I know it is hard to leave one's home, but delaying the important decision to move may result in having all decisions taken from you.This is what happened to Amelia. Now her sunny, garden view apartment would be going to someone else - someone who hadn't waited too long and left it too late.

If you have a beloved senior that needs to move, but is delaying it "until", tell them Amelia's story, please. I'm really sad and tired of this story.